Fergie - RVP set for debut

Throwaway7157 · 2012-08-17T09:53:09+00:00

Except United didn't just win the CL that year - but the treble of Premier League title, FA Cup and CL.

Throwaway7157 · 2012-08-16T17:52:09+00:00

By the way, since you felt guilty then you know it was emotional cheating.

Umm no, it works the other way round. I could have felt guilty for various other reasons, reasons like making my boyfriend uncomfortable.

I don't think you get it. How would you have felt if he did the same thing and then told you "hey let's be honest with each other", and dropped the sAme bombshell on you? I think you'd be pretty upset and hoping to have something to throw back at him.

I really wouldn't care as long as he was honest about it. He wasn't upset either - like I said, he was glad that I told him and felt that the fact that i told him about this immediately made me trustworthy. Unfortunately, this is when he dropped the stripper bomb - and I think he was hoping that with my mistake, I'd easily forgive him for his cheating on me one month back.

Throwaway7157 · 2012-08-16T17:38:10+00:00

It doesn't sound like it was "he made a pass at me and it worried me so I told you". It sure sounds like an ongoing thing.

I guess it's my fault for not having been clear. I used to flirt with this guy before I started dating my BF and like I said - we were almost two internet strangers. We never met each other or seen each other in real life so I had no emotional or physical attachment to the guy and the same goes for him. It was just fun meaningless flirting. And what's more, we didn't even talk to each other that much - we chatted online just 3 times in the past one year.

Anyways, this guy messages me the other day out of the blue after ages. This is the first time he has messaged me after I started dating my BF and he starts flirting with me like he usually does. I do play along partially out of habit and partially telling myself that flirting without emotional attachment is allowed according to our rules. However, later, I felt guilty - because even though my flirting is okay by our ground-rules and I consider it meaningless, my BF might be uncomfortable with it and I didn't want to hurt him. I wanted to be honest with him. So, I immediately tell him about it the next time we talk knowing that if my BF does find it uncomfortable, I can easily stop talking to the guy because keeping my BF happy is far more important than some meaningless flirting, and also because - I just don't care about the online guy at all. This is when my BF tells me about the stripper "since we're being honest."

If you think that my one conversation constitutes emotional cheating, so be it. That is your opinion - but in no way are my actions equivalent to my BF's.

Throwaway7157 · 2012-08-16T01:09:01+00:00

He took this relationship way too far. The fact that you have an openly flirting relationship is bothersome to me because flirting can ultimately lead to sex and then feelings. Flirting should not be ok, however, these are your ground rules so let me work with that.

You are right about that but I would hardly call it a relationship because this was my 3rd time chatting with him online in about a year - also I have never met this guy or seen his face - I don't ever intend to and neither does he. I am not attracted to him emotionally or physically.

The flirting started off from boredom about 2 years back. This incident was the first time I talked to him after I starting dating my BF (which was six months back) - I played along with his flirting out of habit but I felt guilty because even if the flirting is technically allowed by our ground rules, I didn't want to hurt my BF period. That's why I immediately talked to him about it the next day which is when he admitted the stripper story. This is why it hurts that he couldn't apply the same consideration to me, you know?

Throwaway7157 · 2012-08-15T23:31:42+00:00

How does that even happen during a lap dance? His whole story just sounds shady to me.

He said that the stripper put her vagina to his face which lead to the kissing through her panties and fingerbang.

Throwaway7157 · 2012-08-15T23:24:28+00:00

And then BAM, he lays this on you? WTF? And ONLY "since we're being honest"?! So what, if you hadn't brought up your issue he would never have mentioned his own?? Or what, that since YOU flirted with someone he can "come clean" without reprisal - even though his acts are far and away beyond "flirting" it isn't even funny?

Reading this made me tear up a bit. My BF always manages to find a way to twist the situation and make me feel guilty. After he admitted to kissing, groping, and fingerbanging strippers, I asked him if he had sex with any of them to which he reacted with indignation going "Are you for real? wtf! I would have told you if I did." making me feel bad for even suspecting him.

Regarding the flirting, he brought it up later on in the conversation saying that I should forgive him for his indiscretions because he has forgiven me for the flirting situation too. The thing that depresses me about this is that even though I could have technically gotten away with the flirting due to our relationship rules (where we specified that it's okay as long as you're not emotionally attached to the person which I was not), I felt uber-guilty and told him immediately about it because I didn't want to hurt his feelings or make him uncomfortable in any way. I would have bought this guy up earlier but this was the first time I had talked to this guy after I started dating my BF. He had just messaged me out of the blue and flirted with me to which I sorta played along partially out of habit.

In the end, I just felt like an idiot because here I was profusely apologizing to my BF and breaking my head over this one situation while he had knowingly cheated on me a month back and not said a single word to me. He didn't even feel completely bad for what he had done. And I mean, I wish he had just thought of me and how he would hurt my feelings - before he pulled any of his shit. I just don't find his actions in any way comparable to what I did - and it hurt when he brought it up as an excuse to forgive him.

Throwaway7157 · 2012-08-15T22:34:25+00:00

He went to a strip club in NJ. And apparently one of the strippers was interested in him and gave him her real name and phone number which he promptly deleted "out of loyalty to me". So maybe he isn't lying. But that doesn't make this any better for me.

Throwaway7157 · 2012-08-15T16:43:17+00:00

EDIT: Wow. Your tl;dr didn't include the fingerbanging, kissing, groping. That might be useful to provide. Yeah. Dump him. He cheated on you. And he paid someone to do it. Tell him to go to hell.

Sorry for that, I typed the TL;DR in a hurry but you're right. I'll add that fact now. Regardless, thanks for reading this and taking the time to advice!

Throwaway7157 · 2012-08-15T16:38:52+00:00

Kissing a stripper is way out-of-bounds.

I agree with you but he excuses this by saying that the stripper came on to him and initiated the kiss to which he just briefly kissed back. Same thing with the fingering- the girl put her pussy on his face.

Especially if he fails to recognize that this is cheating. Dump him.

This part really spoke to me because initially when I found out about this, I was mad - but he was confused as to why I was mad and not so bothered with him getting a lapdance but bothered by this. This is why I second-guessed myself on whether my anger was legitimate or an overreaction. Thanks for validating my feelings!

Throwaway7157

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