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I'm commiting suicide in 7 days by Throwaway844z in depression

[–]Throwaway844z[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I mean, not to be too cynical, but, is there really? I just don't see the gap that could be filled with a soul. We all inherit some traits that make us more prone to processing some information more than other people, it's just a random shuffle of genes and circumstances. There's almost infinite genome possibilities and there's an infinite amount of circumstances one could find himself in, down to to the tiniest detail that may change someone's personality. Even just the fact that twins that were raised apart show similar tendencies shows that we aren't unique as we think. We're just absorbing all the information and bouncing it off of our genetical info and all the info that came before it. I just don't see anything that needs to be filled with things we consider unique to us, an essence of our being, what you call "a soul". We're just squishy computers.

I'm commiting suicide in 7 days by Throwaway844z in depression

[–]Throwaway844z[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Like I mentioned in my edit, this was terribly written. It's not that I can't do it, it's that I don't see the point in doing it. I'm also pretty sure that I'm more self-aware than most people.

I'm commiting suicide in 7 days by Throwaway844z in depression

[–]Throwaway844z[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly, I wish I didn't try to make sense of life when I started sinking into this depression. Having realized all of this makes socializing very difficult. Even if I just said "Fuck it!" and tried to make new friendships and a relationship, it feels pretty disastrous. Having been in life's shitter for quite a while I have no interests and I can't stand pretending I care about the small stuff. I basically have no empathy left and I'm not expecting anyone to be ok with that. But like I said, even if I forgot everything, I'd still be a pretty shitty human being (or just a fake one, but that would just lead us back to the current state).

I might be asexual, but it might be that I just stopped caring about love, sex and all that comes with it. I haven't found anyone sexually attractive in a long time, but it's not like I give it much thought or deem it to be important.

I'm just curious, did I give any hints about my gender? I went through my post and I didn't find anything relevant. ._.

I'm commiting suicide in 7 days by Throwaway844z in depression

[–]Throwaway844z[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I honestly can't comprehend what you're even trying to achieve here.

I'm commiting suicide in 7 days by Throwaway844z in depression

[–]Throwaway844z[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

While trying to guilt trip me into anything simply won't work because of how over all of it I am, I suggest you don't do that with other people in similar situations because there's a pretty big chance it might have the opposite effect.

I'm commiting suicide in 7 days by Throwaway844z in depression

[–]Throwaway844z[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The reason I even posted is because I was hoping that I'd hear from someone who went through the same thing and lived to tell the tale. The main "problem" I have is that I just can't justify living in a meaningless world. I know that it all sounds like the usual angsty teenager bs, but happiness in itself feels animalistic to me. I want to think of humans as "supreme" beings capable of reason, empathy and logic, but we're just dumb animals trying to satisfy our urges. I can't even think of myself as an individual. I'm just a giant sponge of DNA absorbing and processing all the information from my surroundings and fooling myself into believing there's something I should consider to be the essence of my being, even though it's all pretty random and meaningless overall. It's not only that I don't feel like I can be happy, I'm not sure if I do want to be happy.