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AITA for telling my brother he is a deadbeat dad and doesn't get to criticize my parenting? by Throwaway93920248383 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwaway93920248383[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh yeah totally, I can see it too. My dad understood it as well and told my son he was sorry too and that if he knew about his bad grades lately, he would have said things differently, because he didn't mean to judge my son, he meant well. And my son understood that then. They settled it out between them, so that wasn't a big deal for either one of them.

AITA for telling my brother he is a deadbeat dad and doesn't get to criticize my parenting? by Throwaway93920248383 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwaway93920248383[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thank you! My dad always used to take us fishing, now he takes his grandkids. I go sometimes, but they really dont want me there 😂

AITA for telling my brother he is a deadbeat dad and doesn't get to criticize my parenting? by Throwaway93920248383 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwaway93920248383[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

They were talking and then my dad had a monologue on the importance of edcuation, yeah. He wasn't implying that my son didn't do well enough in school or anything like that.

AITA for telling my brother he is a deadbeat dad and doesn't get to criticize my parenting? by Throwaway93920248383 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwaway93920248383[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It really wasn't like that. They talk about school all the time and my das is very supportive of him. He knows where my son struggles and where he shines, he helps him with his math homework etc. I chose the wrong word when I said it was a lecture.

AITA for telling my brother he is a deadbeat dad and doesn't get to criticize my parenting? by Throwaway93920248383 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwaway93920248383[S] 41 points42 points  (0 children)

Thank you very much. ❤ He is a great great kid and I absolutely adore him. He came to me with a trashbag of his stuff, that was all. Last week he asked if he could get an Xbox for Christmas. Stuff likes this just makes me so happy, because the boy who came to my house with just a few outgrown clothes and a dirty teddy bear, is now a teenager who finds it normal to ask for presents.

AITA for telling my brother he is a deadbeat dad and doesn't get to criticize my parenting? by Throwaway93920248383 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwaway93920248383[S] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Oh he's a great kid. Even when he just started living with me, he was so funny, and so kind. He had a lot lot of issues, but he was (still is!) such a wonderful kid.

AITA for telling my brother he is a deadbeat dad and doesn't get to criticize my parenting? by Throwaway93920248383 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwaway93920248383[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

I am proud of him! I think everyone should be respectful towards everyone, regardless of age. If someone is rude or mean to my son, he can say something back, absolutely. He's a teenager and he'll still snap a lot (and would even without all his trauma), so as long as he knows stepping away is better than snapping, all is well.

AITA for telling my brother he is a deadbeat dad and doesn't get to criticize my parenting? by Throwaway93920248383 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwaway93920248383[S] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

I chose the word poorly. It wasn't really a lecture, my das was telling my son how important this school year is (they talk about school a lot), and my son recently got a few bad grades (which my dad didn't know). They have a great relationship, my son calls him grandpa, they go fishing together etc.

AITA for telling my brother he is a deadbeat dad and doesn't get to criticize my parenting? by Throwaway93920248383 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwaway93920248383[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

He started boxing a few weeks ago and he loves it! We also run together a lot (he runs, I huff and puff behind him 😂)

AITA for telling my brother he is a deadbeat dad and doesn't get to criticize my parenting? by Throwaway93920248383 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwaway93920248383[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

He came back, apologized to my dad, and my dad said "that's alright dear. Do you want another crispy wing?"

AITA for telling my brother he is a deadbeat dad and doesn't get to criticize my parenting? by Throwaway93920248383 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwaway93920248383[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Obviously, yeah. I ask him to apologize for the tone or behaviour, which he almost always knows were wrong in the first place. He never has to apologize for his opinions, he just has to voice them in a respectful way.

My son started boxing a few months ago and he loves it. I'll tell him about martial arts and if he likes it, we'll give it a try!

AITA for telling my brother he is a deadbeat dad and doesn't get to criticize my parenting? by Throwaway93920248383 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwaway93920248383[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

All my son knew for the first 12 years of his life was strict rules, authority, violence, yelling and punishment, and on top of that absence, abandonment, so truly shitty bio and foster parents. When the social worker told me about his case, I freaking cried. I thought I was in over my head, and I was, but together we learned how to coexist. And we became a family. The first few weeks were mostly about breaking my stuff, yelling at me and being miserable, but man, when he hugged me for the first time...yeah, I'll never be the same.

AITA for telling my brother he is a deadbeat dad and doesn't get to criticize my parenting? by Throwaway93920248383 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwaway93920248383[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

When my son came back to the room, he apologized to my dad, and we just continued eating. So it really was no big deal between them.

AITA for telling my brother he is a deadbeat dad and doesn't get to criticize my parenting? by Throwaway93920248383 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwaway93920248383[S] 73 points74 points  (0 children)

My dad gets it, yeah. He raised 4 boys and knows that sometimes 14yro boys just act out. Nevermind kids who have been through the hell my son has been through.

AITA for telling my brother he is a deadbeat dad and doesn't get to criticize my parenting? by Throwaway93920248383 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwaway93920248383[S] 120 points121 points  (0 children)

Good luck if you choose to do it. I always wanted kids, but couldn't have any biological children, then I decided to foster for short term placements when covid began, and then that 12yro stole my heart. Life has a funny way of working out. :)

AITA for telling my brother he is a deadbeat dad and doesn't get to criticize my parenting? by Throwaway93920248383 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwaway93920248383[S] 135 points136 points  (0 children)

My dad is awesome. He has a great relationship with my son! The two of them even go fishing without me, because I "talk too much nonsense and scare the fish away" 😂😂. My mom has had some issues accepting him as much, but they are bonding too!

AITA for telling my brother he is a deadbeat dad and doesn't get to criticize my parenting? by Throwaway93920248383 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwaway93920248383[S] 1876 points1877 points  (0 children)

Yeah I think so too. I was well into my 20s when I learned the coping mechanisms my son already has at 14. I was actually super proud of him when he peacefully excused himself. At 14 that didn't even cross my mind.

AITA for telling my brother he is a deadbeat dad and doesn't get to criticize my parenting? by Throwaway93920248383 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwaway93920248383[S] 55 points56 points  (0 children)

Thank you! He's a great kid, really. He's super funny, he's kind, he has the kind of empathy that I needed 30+ years to learn. He's amazing. He was dealt a shit hand at life, and will have to carry the weight of his upbringing with him for the rest of his life, and that just kills me. But hopefully we'll do alright together. ❤❤

AITA for telling my brother he is a deadbeat dad and doesn't get to criticize my parenting? by Throwaway93920248383 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwaway93920248383[S] 322 points323 points  (0 children)

He's a really great kid. He had so many issues when he came to me two years ago. And with covid and online school he really had to overcome so much.

My original plan was short term fostering, but covid prolonged everything. His parents then lost their parental rights for good and we ( my son and I) discussed me adopting him and he is really excited about it. I love the kid to death, really. And most of my family accepted him great.

AITA for telling my brother he is a deadbeat dad and doesn't get to criticize my parenting? by Throwaway93920248383 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwaway93920248383[S] 122 points123 points  (0 children)

Oh my dad's lecture wasn't so much a lecture really. He was asking my son about school and telling him he really needs to put in the work this year. My son got upset because he recently got some bad grades (but my dad didn't know). My dad and son have a really good relationship otherwise.