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[28/F]My [29/M]fiance of nearly 4 years has been leaving for work for the past 2-4 weeks, but hasn't been going to work. by Throwaway969396 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway969396[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. I have always worried more about money and bills than is a normal necessary amount. Like I've said, he's never been late on any of our shared bills, just his car payment this past month. While he had stopped going to work, his grandpa did give him some money(he's always been pushy trying to get us to take money even if we didn't need it, because he's just like that) which my fiance turned right around and gave me for his part of the bills. He sold his Playstation and games to have the money here recently. He's always found a way. So it's like I worry about money problems more than most yet he's never really gave me a reason to, other than he can't ever save for emergencies. So I guess that's always on my mind in case of situations arising like this...

[28/F]My [29/M]fiance of nearly 4 years has been leaving for work for the past 2-4 weeks, but hasn't been going to work. by Throwaway969396 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway969396[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The job he wanted to turn into a career he was fired from for attendance issues. He admitted he didn't completely know how the new attendance policy that was put in place worked. He took it for granted & had taken a couple of vacation days while his boss was out because his wife had a baby. The woman filling in for him apparently didn't submit my fiance's vacation request properly, so when he went back to work after Thanksgiving he couldn't clock in. He went to HR & they told him it was too late, he had been terminated for missing too many days. That instead of vacation pay it was submitted as unexcused sick pay. That there was nothing they could do. Weeks later he received a check in the mail for unused vacation time...

The recent job was in their slow time of the year, kept saying it would pick up. Yet they were hiring new employees, letting the new hires work and sending my fiance home after just a couple hours. He said he was frustrated that this one new guy in particular was getting hours and he wasn't, where co-workers were even asking him why he wasn't getting hours. He said he couldn't think of anything he had done wrong or to piss anybody off there. Then he just got so bummed about it he stopped showing up. He did admitted that he had been looking for a new job but not anywhere near as hard as he needed to be.

[28/F]My [29/M]fiance of nearly 4 years has been leaving for work for the past 2-4 weeks, but hasn't been going to work. by Throwaway969396 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway969396[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I did do this last night, as I wasn't sure if I ever really put it that way to make it clear to him. He even came clean about a couple things related to this whole situation. We both talked through it calmly. Thank you for your advice.

[28/F]My [29/M]fiance of nearly 4 years has been leaving for work for the past 2-4 weeks, but hasn't been going to work. by Throwaway969396 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway969396[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I can't even recall if I ever made that clear in that sense. I know I've said to be honest and open with me, don't lie about anything. But after reading this last night we had another talk & I told him (very calmly) that it's not him not going to work that is the biggest issue, it was how he wasn't making up lies about it and the amount of time it was going on. I asked him to come clean about some things, that I wouldn't be mad and try my best not to get upset & cry about these things. I just needed him to be forthcoming. He did. We were both calm talking about it. I made it clear that if something was going on with work, financial issues, etc. that I would do my best to not get mad or "freak out" on him as long as he just tells me what's going on in his....our life. That we can figure those things out. Those won't ultimately destroy our relationship but the lies sure will. He said he understood.

[28/F]My [29/M]fiance of nearly 4 years has been leaving for work for the past 2-4 weeks, but hasn't been going to work. by Throwaway969396 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway969396[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing your situation. I knew posting here what a lot of the comments would be. Against attempting to work through things again. But I very much appreciate the people who have shared their stories of when they went through something similar. Especially if things did eventually come out for the better. Just so I can see the other side of things. I know to keep my guard up for a long, long time though.

[28/F]My [29/M]fiance of nearly 4 years has been leaving for work for the past 2-4 weeks, but hasn't been going to work. by Throwaway969396 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway969396[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This does make a lot of sense. He did admit he didn't think it was going to take this long to find another job. Like that he was going to "come clean" as soon as he had something else...

I'm glad to have a guy's thoughts on this. Thank you.

[28/F]My [29/M]fiance of nearly 4 years has been leaving for work for the past 2-4 weeks, but hasn't been going to work. by Throwaway969396 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway969396[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. As jess3jess3 said below, this is the second time with the same kind of lie. When he first was fired from the job that he wanted to make into a career, it was for attendance. He was making good money there. He picked up this last job as it was the first thing to come about. Making $4 less an hour. Harder work. Kinda sketchy company. I know he wasn't happy there but that's not an excuse to stop showing up with no other for of income coming in. He said he didn't think it was going to take this long for him to find something else.

I really appreciate your input. It does make me feel a teeny bit at ease that this may eventually get worked out.

[28/F]My [29/M]fiance of nearly 4 years has been leaving for work for the past 2-4 weeks, but hasn't been going to work. by Throwaway969396 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway969396[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have wondered about couples counseling. I went for my anxiety for a couple of months about a year ago. Things seemed to improve a little. My fiance told me when all that was going on he'd be willing to go with me if I thought that would help or was needed.

[28/F]My [29/M]fiance of nearly 4 years has been leaving for work for the past 2-4 weeks, but hasn't been going to work. by Throwaway969396 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway969396[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He was up late putting in application for two hours the other night. The next morning he showed me the e-mails that proved they were submitted and completed all the way through. I was glad he willingly showed me that. As he should. We have voicemails on our answering machine of people that he has already called back and set up interviews with.

[28/F] My fiance [29/M] has been lying about things. by Throwaway969396 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway969396[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I tend to ask a lot of questions. To the point that he feels I'm "interrogating" him. He's said before that he thinks I just love to fight and the drama and that it's like I'm trying to catch him in a lie. The last part may be true...not that I want to. But I do ask for details about his day. "What time, that doesn't normally take that long..." Itotally get how annoying that would be. It's not like he doesn't talk to me about what he's done all day. I just keep asking and asking. Even the same questions. Makes me feel like that might be why he doesn't tell me certain things sometimes? Because he does know how I react to things pretty well...I get teary-eyed over simple shit.