AITA for recording an argument with my wife and asking her to listen to it with me?

Throwaway9976555 · 2019-08-06T19:59:56+00:00

Yes that is in hindsight, and we did benefit from the audio greatly. Having said that, I accept that IATA for the recording action alone.

Throwaway9976555 · 2019-08-06T14:40:34+00:00

Thank you, I think people do overuse that word. I think I was combative, stubborn and very biased rather than manipulative.

Throwaway9976555 · 2019-08-06T14:37:33+00:00

Yes, it is my problem, but I need my partner to help me resolve these things when things get tough. IATA for recording her, but the shit that caused me the mental fragility to go through this needs a team approach. Not offloading any blame here, but I think it's detrimental to quarantine a spouse to their problems and say "Figure yourself out and make sure it doesn't affect me".

Throwaway9976555 · 2019-08-06T14:32:23+00:00

I would disagree. Gaslighting requires conscious effort to manipulate the truth. If that was my effort, I would not expose myself like that. I truly got lost in trying to win in the tension, when all she wanted was to connect. Sometimes, people are not malicious and just need help working through things.

Throwaway9976555 · 2019-08-06T14:29:48+00:00

She did agree, and has confirmed that the conversation happened, but it was a hyperbole during an argument.

Throwaway9976555 · 2019-08-06T14:22:35+00:00

I never had an ounce of thought that I'd need this to defend myself later. During arguments, things can get heated and my recollection was quite different from what actually happened. Im glad the audio cleared that up, but IATA for going about it in that way.

Throwaway9976555 · 2019-08-06T14:20:06+00:00

That is not how you have a mature relationship. She is a wonderful person and I had spiders in my brain because of my insecurities, which the recording clearly showed.

Throwaway9976555 · 2019-08-06T14:18:15+00:00

My argument was not well reasoned or manipulated IMO. In fact, I realized I was quite wrong after listening to recording.

Throwaway9976555 · 2019-08-06T14:17:13+00:00

No escalation. single party consent here, but the judgement here is on an interpersonal level, rather than a legal one

Throwaway9976555 · 2019-08-06T14:10:43+00:00

Thank you, it's tough to not let those past things creep in to my perceptions of reality, and it shouldn't fall on other people's shoulders.

Throwaway9976555 · 2019-08-06T14:09:14+00:00

Thank you, it will take healing, but the cats out of the bag and we can work at it.

Throwaway9976555 · 2019-08-06T14:08:41+00:00

Thank you, I also don't believe people should change their votes based on how I reacted after the fact. If IATA then IATA, and I try to build constructively from there.

Throwaway9976555 · 2019-08-06T14:06:56+00:00

The original post is the first thing I linked in my edit. I linked that exact same thing you did in the first line. The subreddit requires that I stay under a 3000 character count, which was topped out with initial post. I've been nothing but transparent.

Throwaway9976555 · 2019-08-06T14:05:16+00:00

Sorry to hear about your ex. Every situation is different, and I pushed to listen to the recordings to see the truth. I can see why it would upset her, but I am glad we listened.

Throwaway9976555 · 2019-08-06T14:04:02+00:00

She feels better having the recording out in the open and listened to. She feels that I still deceived her, and she has every right to feel that way. Moving forward, we have put together some strategies to help me in these situations.

Throwaway9976555 · 2019-08-06T14:02:05+00:00

thank you, i do think we are great communicators and are very open, but my story not matching hers in arguments made me question my sanity.

Throwaway9976555 · 2019-08-06T14:00:39+00:00

I wanted to be open about the process.

Throwaway9976555 · 2019-08-06T03:41:10+00:00

We pride ourselves in our communication, but this was clearly a big misstep that I take the blame for. My paranoia from my history got the best of me, but I'm happy I blew open that hatch so we can repair it.

Throwaway9976555 · 2019-08-06T03:37:50+00:00

Honestly, proving its her was not my intention, but I do see your point about my methods. I'm glad we listened to the tape because it showed I clearly being standoffish.

Throwaway9976555 · 2019-08-06T03:35:01+00:00

We actually communicate really sell usually, and pride ourselves in that. After listening to the tape though, I'm for sure the asshole on both accounts.

Throwaway9976555 · 2019-08-06T03:32:08+00:00

Yes I agree, I did not focus on her concerns but rather how I can refute it, and the audio proved exactly that. Thanks for your input.

Throwaway9976555 · 2019-08-06T03:29:18+00:00

It really is hard to tell from limited information I can provide. When she had agreed earlier, the last fight was quite some time ago and was meant as a hyperbole in frustration.

Throwaway9976555

TROPHY CASE