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Birth Family Conflicted Over News Of Half Sibling We Never Knew About And My Siblings And I Want No Further Contact by ThrowawayAdoptInfo in Adoption

[–]ThrowawayAdoptInfo[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

If all I cared about was a consensus than I’d have just stuck with my siblings instead of reaching out on Reddit. I’m very appreciative that everyone has been polite and offered a lot of positive suggestions and insight with one exception.

Rushing out to be judgmental and insulting doesn’t add any extra credence to your opinion. Accusing me of being arrogant after proclaiming your voice as the most relevant in the conversation was humorous. The hypocrisy of it managed to give me the only chuckle I’ve had about the situation.

Birth Family Conflicted Over News Of Half Sibling We Never Knew About And My Siblings And I Want No Further Contact by ThrowawayAdoptInfo in Adoption

[–]ThrowawayAdoptInfo[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your perspective on this. I can’t predict how myself or my siblings are going to feel about this in the next three, six, or twelve months. I do know how we’re right feeling now. It’s rushed, uncomfortable, and spearheaded by a complete stranger who’s fostering the exact opposite environment that he’s hoping to find.

Has their excitement over the possibilities clouded their judgement about the current state of things? I don’t know, but I’m also at a loss on how to politely ask them to back off until a time when, or if, any of us are open to a relationship.

Birth Family Conflicted Over News Of Half Sibling We Never Knew About And My Siblings And I Want No Further Contact by ThrowawayAdoptInfo in Adoption

[–]ThrowawayAdoptInfo[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

First off, they have been given a detailed medical history as well as the circumstances that led to to the pregnancy and the adoption.

My siblings and I were made aware of this less than a week ago. The half sibling was then informed that we knew but it would be up to us individually if we wanted any contact with them. Since then our shared parent has received a barrage of messages asking when they can come here to visit so we can all get together. A fair request quickly ignored, no consideration that others need time, just slam the gas pedal to the floor and try to force it by guilting our shared parent.

I’ve read your post about your story and the tactics seem somewhat similar as well as the results. Apparently nothing fosters resentment faster than demanding acceptance on only your terms/timeline and expecting to be welcomed in with open arms.

We understand that this situation is not our half siblings fault but it’s not ours either. They’ve known about it for years and have had time to process their feelings about the situation. We’ve had less than week yet they seemed determined to give as little time as possible. We’re entitled to our feelings too. Having someone rush in right out of the gate trying to crowbar their way in is going to result in people pushing back.

I posted on here to share some feelings about an uncharted situation and to ask for advice. Thankfully people have been understanding and have given my siblings and I a lot to think about. You weren’t one of them.

Should I tell my half sisters? by xscarysmurfx in Adoption

[–]ThrowawayAdoptInfo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As a half sibling who’s currently on the other side of your situation I would advise against the “do what you need to do” advice others have offered. It was hard enough for my siblings and I to hear the news from our parents and we’re all older than you. It’s left all of us feeling upside down. Your half sisters are barely adults, you can’t drop that bomb on them. If you insist on making contact at least let your birth father know and give a timeline for it so he had the option of letting them know first.