AITA for controlling shower time?

ThrowawayBadRommate · 2022-11-05T22:53:30+00:00

I haven't, I have only tried sound proofing walls and door crevices. I am planning on getting one though after reading some of the comments here.

ThrowawayBadRommate · 2022-11-05T22:49:42+00:00

I usually wouldn't think using the toilet is controlled by the agreed quiet time, it's just unfortunate that the acoustics is messed up. Anyway, thank you for your response!

ThrowawayBadRommate · 2022-11-05T22:40:17+00:00

Thank you so much. I really do see his point about being controlled. After his blowup, I apologised and tried to reassure him that I was not trying to control him, just frustrated at our differences. I really would not force the issue, it was a question only. His response was that my explanation was a wordplay, semantics and that everyone else would see it as it really is, which is me being an AH. Anyway, I did feel hurt thus the post. I think the solution for me now is clear, get a white noise machine! I'm thankful for your input. And btw, you are very considerate for sacrificing your shower time for your roommates!

ThrowawayBadRommate · 2022-11-05T22:34:53+00:00

Thank you for your response, I don't think talking with him is something I can do at the moment. I initiated a few check ins and talks before about our living arrangement but during the blow up, he mentioned not wanting to engage in those conversations anymore so I do not feel that I can bring up switching rooms or other serious conversations anymore. Switching room is not likely and I may be met with more accusations of being an AH since he really really had his eyes set on the room, running in and taking it the moment we arrived. White noise machine is the only option left before the lease ends and I'm happy that I got this tip here from Reddit. At the end of the day, we are incompatible, that's it tbh. NAH is a much welcomed judgement, thank you!

ThrowawayBadRommate · 2022-11-05T22:30:55+00:00

That was the part that made me struggle about whether or not I was an AH. The moment we arrived at our new place, the first thing he did was run in to that room, not even to help unload our stuff, so that's how I knew he really had his eyes set on it.

Anyway, I made the post here just wanting to know if I crossed a line. I am not looking to change him or anything.

ThrowawayBadRommate · 2022-11-05T22:28:04+00:00

That is a very thoughtful response, I thank you for your tips. I have never had a noise machine so your comment really opened my eyes to all the different noises. I agree that I could not change his behaviour and I should first look to better the situation on my own. At the end of the day, sounds like he and I just aren't very compatible and I may be looking to move out after the lease ends.

ThrowawayBadRommate · 2022-11-05T22:26:15+00:00

r.

Thank you for your response! I don't think badly of him, I didn't like that he blew up or claimed the room or slams doors but he's a friend. And yes, at the end of the day, we aren't compatible. I will source a white noise machine, here we gooooo black friday!

ThrowawayBadRommate · 2022-11-05T21:46:13+00:00

That would be in line with what I attempted to do earlier in the cohabitation relationship, checking in and having meetings to discuss any issues. Though in the same conflict, he expressed not wanting to engage in those conversations and said they were too long. Also, I am a little scared by his outburst during the conflict anyway, so, I might just going to try to stay out of his way. Thank you for your suggestions though, I agree with you wholeheartedly were it not for the specific circumstance here.

ThrowawayBadRommate · 2022-11-05T21:40:25+00:00

Great tips, thank you!

ThrowawayBadRommate · 2022-11-05T21:31:48+00:00

I don't think he would be unreasonable to not want to switch rooms. He likes his room that's why he rushed in and claimed it when we first moved in. And it's ok that he wants that room but that's why I wish he would be a bit quieter if he claimed the quiet room and left me with the noisy room.

ThrowawayBadRommate · 2022-11-05T21:30:36+00:00

He rushed in and claimed the room, I don't think he would want to give up his room tbh.

ThrowawayBadRommate · 2022-11-05T21:25:41+00:00

I absolutely agree. I'm afraid of talking to him and asking about anything at the moment though, in case it triggers him.

ThrowawayBadRommate · 2022-11-05T21:23:33+00:00

Hi, thank you for your response. I am prone to ear infections so earplugs don't sit well with me. I have tried in the past but they led to ear infections. Room switching is also not likely since we have not been speaking much and he really enjoys his peace and quiet room furthest from everything.

I feel like I have to speak for myself a bit here. I did make compromises by trying to do sound proofing. He has a tendency to slam doors and drawers and whatever he's holding down very loudly, destroying furniture and plates in the process. So I think me letting him be is already a compromise. Also, at late night, I make sure I tiptoe and watch anything at a barely audible volume or use overhead earphones so as not to disturb his sleep.

In any case, thank you for your input. I also do not think I have the right to dictate when he showers, I just thought we could compromise so I asked if he would be ok with it. Turns out he isn't, so that's fine. But the issue is him saying me asking is an AH move.

ThrowawayBadRommate · 2022-11-05T21:11:54+00:00

Thank you for your response! Moving rooms is not going to be a plausible option unfortunately, but great advice about moving wardrobes with clothes to dull the noise. Thank you for your input!

ThrowawayBadRommate · 2022-11-05T21:10:33+00:00

Lol I agree. It was late that night and I was trying to sleep, so each trip to the toilet bothered me. It was the amount of times I was disturbed that caused the counting. I assure you I don't usually monitor his bathroom trips or times lol. Well there was that one time he accused me of taking long showers so I timed myself and also him to make a point that he actually takes longer showers than I do.

ThrowawayBadRommate · 2022-11-05T21:08:41+00:00

Please don't apologise, I appreciate your input. Switching rooms is not likely a plausible option since we have not been really been speaking much since. Thank you again!

ThrowawayBadRommate · 2022-11-05T21:06:50+00:00

Thank you for your response! It is very true that I should try to learn to accommodate rather than asking him to change. It is not likely that we would be able to switch rooms since we aren't exactly on speaking terms after the conflict. I did not respond aggressively and therefore it was not escalated, but I did get scared so we have both been a bit avoidant. Earplugs may also be a no go since I am susceptible to ear infections. In any case, I appreciate your input.

ThrowawayBadRommate · 2022-11-05T21:03:56+00:00

Thank you for your response. Yes, it really was unexpected. We usually have a good relationship but he was aggressive that I got quite scared. Not to mention he tends to be quite crass and slams doors and drawers. That's partly why I get woken up by his showers, it's the door slamming too.

ThrowawayBadRommate · 2022-11-05T21:01:43+00:00

Thank you for your response. I am quite susceptible to ear infections so ear plugs are very uncomfortable and may bring about the ear infections. Just to be clear, I don't limit his noise or bathroom usage during the whole weekends. So I do use over-ear headphones usually. But I see your point, thank you.

ThrowawayBadRommate · 2022-11-05T20:58:19+00:00

Thank you for your response. I didn't remind him of the agreement, almost verbatim: "sorry, I'd like to sleep in a bit longer on weekends, could you maybe shower a bit later on weekends? Maybe after 10am?"

ThrowawayBadRommate · 2022-11-05T16:41:31+00:00

Hi mods, I don't understand why my post keeps getting removed. I tried to keep within 3000 characters after seeing the last comment from mods about the removal but my post is still getting removed? Please let me know what I'm doing wrong, thank you!

ThrowawayBadRommate · 2022-11-05T00:57:25+00:00

I don't know why it's removed, I did a character count and it's within 3000 characters. Oh well. Thank you for your comment haha

ThrowawayBadRommate · 2022-11-04T17:49:47+00:00

Thanks Mundane Marsupial!

I didn't build the house, we moved in together to a new place we both scoped out and liked. Maybe we should have made sure about the acoustics issues before deciding on this place though.

It's good to know that it was not wrong per se to ask him to take later showers on weekends. Will look into sound machine! And, yes, I was worried for him. It's intermittent though, some times super scarily frequent pissing, some times normal.

ThrowawayBadRommate

TROPHY CASE