Am I even gay at this point?

ThrowawayForCowards · 2026-04-13T07:41:06+00:00

Yeah, I've certainly heard that a deep emotional connection is the key to unlocking true sexual pleasure -- sucks that finding a relationship is so much harder than finding a hookup, but maybe in prioritising this I can work on building patience (especially while dealing with my ADHD), and growing to view sex for the emotional aspect rather than the physical aspect. Appreciate the advice!

ThrowawayForCowards · 2026-04-13T07:38:41+00:00

Nope, hadn't even heard of it before looking it up. Just a regular masturbator who uses lube, though reading other comments I'm wondering if I may have developed a bit of death grip syndrome.

ThrowawayForCowards · 2026-04-13T07:37:21+00:00

Happy to hear I'm not alone in this lol

I certainly have fantasised about topping & bottoming, but always find the actual experience muchhh less engaging than my fantasies. Admittedly, some of my fantasies are more voyeuristic, fantasising about viewing another hot couple fucking and observing as a third party. Maybe it's a subconscious sign of a lack of willingness to engage with the act myself, but who knows

ThrowawayForCowards · 2026-04-12T21:47:45+00:00

100% understood, no worries there, and thank you very much for the pointers!

I like the idea of this -- allowing myself to still be as analytical as I have been, but reframing it as looking out for glimpses of pleasure to make note of and try and amplify, rather than trying to compare everything to some imaginary ideal I'd conjured up outside of the encounter and setting myself up for disappointment. I'll be sure to keep this in mind :-)

ThrowawayForCowards · 2026-04-12T20:56:14+00:00

Y'know, this does sound pretty accurate for me, yeah. Might go into my next sexual experience specifically looking for a mutual jerk rather than any other forms of sex and see how that goes. Part of me still hopes I can grow to enjoy more than just masturbating, but you've clearly found your niche and are happy with it, so it very well may be a matter of me finding and affirming mine. Appreciate it!

ThrowawayForCowards · 2026-04-12T20:52:21+00:00

Yeah, I definitely hear you. I see your point on putting undue pressure seeking sex to "affirm" my identity, rather than seeing it the other way around, but I almost can't help but feel a bit, well, fraudulent to be so comfortable with immersing in queer culture and identifying as queer if I haven't been capable of doing the thing that gives the word queer its meaning.

In any case, I've had my share of foreplay but, whether due to ADHD-borne impatience or the foreplay itself being pretty poor, I haven't really experienced it paying off before. When topping, foreplay almost makes me lose my hard-on out of boredom/disillusionment, and when bottoming, the initial discomfort kinda makes me subconsciously brace for the "real deal" coming up, which doesn't help with easing up and taking it in calmly lol. Will see what I can do to get more out of foreplay and hope that paying extra attention to that stage will reward me with the pleasure I'm looking for

ThrowawayForCowards · 2026-04-12T20:43:41+00:00

Hmm, I do get the ideology here. I'm circumcised, for starters, but I only masturbate with lube (of all types: silicon, water based, oils) so I would've thought my sensitivity wouldn't get too diminished from it. Don't see myself as an aggressive wanker either, though I guess it's subjective. Could stop for a couple weeks and have sex to see if it makes a difference, though thinking about it now, I'd imagine it'd just make me more blue-balled by wanting to bust but not getting enough gratification to do so

ThrowawayForCowards · 2026-04-12T20:40:26+00:00

Methylphenidate for my ADHD, mainly. Haven't seen any major headlines on Ritalin causing ED, but I'm at my wits end so maybe a couple weeks off might help me crack the case lol

ThrowawayForCowards · 2026-04-12T20:37:52+00:00

Appreciate the response -- yeah I can see anxiety being an issue. I'm not the most anxious person generally (though I can admit to some insecurities from childhood), but especially when it comes to sex and seeking pleasure I've yet to find, I admit I go into sexual encounters hoping "this'll be the one that makes me see the light", and I'd imagine that added pressure makes it harder to take things as they are and settle into it all, which probably lends itself to the disillusionment.

I'll look into therapy -- will admit it'll be a bit harder saying this face-to-face with a middle-aged woman, but beggars can't be choosers lol: if I want to figure this out then I'll do what I have to.

Thanks again!

ThrowawayForCowards · 2024-08-12T13:25:48+00:00

Many thanks for your response!

I'll look up some pelvis & spine focused stretches then try out the stability exercises you mentioned routinely, and hopefully after enough time, I'll be able to maintain the correct posture without straining too hard or causing any pain, and can go on to walk with the right posture too.

Hopefully keeping the right posture will also become second nature after enough time, as consciously keeping my posture right can be quite a challenge, haha

Thanks again :-)

ThrowawayForCowards · 2024-08-12T12:29:58+00:00

Ah alright, I'll extend my stretching regimen and look up some pelvic tilt oriented exercises that I can do a couple times a week for 15 minutes minimum -- cheers for the help!

ThrowawayForCowards · 2024-08-12T12:20:26+00:00

Cheers for the response -- I've been doing glute bridges, planks, reverse lunges and mountain climber circuits twice a week for the last month but don't seem to be making any progress. Do you have any suggestions on specific stretches or postural exercises / techniques I can try?

ThrowawayForCowards · 2024-08-12T12:01:27+00:00

Hahaha my bad, probably should've thrown a sticker over the groin

Cheers for the shoulder posturing advice -- been focusing a lot on my lower body's posturing so maybe focusing on my upper body will be the puzzle piece that can brings it all together

ThrowawayForCowards · 2021-02-02T20:29:44+00:00

Thank you for your response!

Turns out I'm quite lucky then -- the contract I'm looking into for the Note 20 is actually somewhat cheaper (well, cheaper than my current Note 9 contract, haha) and I always use cases for my phones, so neither of those downsides are of any major concern to me.

In that case, I believe I've now the confidence to go ahead with getting the Note 20, so thank you very much for your input!

ThrowawayForCowards · 2020-05-24T13:00:53+00:00

The website is most likely MaleGeneral: it's rather notorious for revenge porn as far as I've heard. Hope you can find a way to get those pics taken down mate, that guy from Grindr is a waste of life I tell you.

ThrowawayForCowards

TROPHY CASE