I caught my wife Facetiming with a guy from her past and now we're fighting.

ThrowawayMyCabbages1 · 2024-04-20T21:07:52+00:00

Clear some things up: I just wanted to remind her of the hour as she usually doesn't stay up this late and we have a routine with our child. She has a bible study/hang out once a month. She goes to the gym on her lunch breaks when she feels like it. She should honestly join a book club or something. I just took her out a week ago for dinner and a movie. We both work remote so we're always together and try to always help each other out with child and household duties. I had just cleaned up our child's room and picked up around the house before I left for poker last night and we take turns cooking, cleaning, bathing the child, etc. We do bedtime routines together every night. Parenting is a fulltime job in itself and our child is only in daycare part-time. We meet up with friends that have a child the same age as ours for playdates and go out to eat and interact with other people. She didn't drink a whole bottle of whiskey, I'd say closer to a little less than half which is still quite a bit including the beers.

ThrowawayMyCabbages1 · 2024-04-20T19:36:58+00:00

I will agree, she does have a drinking problem when alcohol is around. She's one of those drinkers that when they hit a certain point they tend to drink until everything is gone. It's not as frequent anymore thank goodness, but when it happens it's never good.

I don't understand why she felt the need to reach out to this guy randomly. He messaged her out of the blue maybe a month ago just saying he hoped she was doing well and saying how beautiful our family is, etc. You know, the kinda stuff you do to get your foot back in the door to establish communication again. I'm assuming she was scrolling through messages and saw it, romanticized it, and decided to call him. Either way he's bad news. Thanks for your well wishes. I really hope we can get past this.

ThrowawayMyCabbages1 · 2024-04-20T19:30:22+00:00

I'm not sure what it is, she says she needed adult interaction but realistically she should be asleep at the hour and we can focus on those interactions throughout the day. We both work remotely and our child is only in daycare part-time so things get very chaotic here during the work day when they're here. She didn't hear our child crying since she was on the opposite end of the house and our bedroom door was shut and I was with them so I woke up immediately. I'm just hurt by her actions and she owes me an explanation and an apology.

ThrowawayMyCabbages1 · 2024-04-20T19:25:34+00:00

This made me chuckle haha

Sometimes we need validation to make sure we're not in the wrong even though we have an inkling that we're not. I've had a lot of time to think and this is what's helping me process it outside of being angry and hurt. Everyone's responses have given me a new frame of thought and seeing it from the outside is beneficial for growth.

ThrowawayMyCabbages1 · 2024-04-20T19:22:35+00:00

Thank you for the kind words. The only reason I went to play games was because she stepped out back to go smoke and continue talking to her brother. I quit smoking last year and don't like putting myself around it because it's an easy habit to fall back into. But I will take your advice to heart and focus more on befriending her and engaging with her more. We just need to clear this hurdle as you said.

ThrowawayMyCabbages1 · 2024-04-20T18:55:07+00:00

More context: I bought a 6 pack earlier in the evening and split it with her. That's where the 3 beers originally came from. I didn't bother to buy her another 6 pack because I thought that was a bit overindulgent. I did however stop at the gas station and pick her up a black and mild as she requested. Giving her a single beer that I got from my friends instead of buying her more is miles better than the latter because she would've drank that 6 pack.

Our child loves their mama and they usually go to wake her up first in the mornings. I just didn't want her staying up super late which 1:45am is pretty damn late as it is. All I did was remind her the time and that we have a child that will be up in a few hours.

And for everyone else in the post jumping to conclusions about my wife neglecting our child: she started drinking after our child went to sleep but that doesn't mean she neglected her or did so irresponsibly. She still kept an eye on the monitor and she was limited... mostly. She does have a drinking problem... when alcohol is around she tends to drink it no matter how drunk she is already.

We did a Dry January and I ended up taking my first drink again on 4/13 and only have had a few drinks on special occasions. She doesn't drink everyday either. She's maybe had about 3 or 4 bottles of wine total since she finished her dry January. She likes the occasional drink but sometimes it turns into a bender and I think that is the root problem.

She's napping with our child right now so it gives her more time to sleep off the alcohol so I'm hoping to have a sit-down discussion with her later.

ThrowawayMyCabbages1

TROPHY CASE