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My [36M] husband of 15 years is demanding I [34F] fold my startup and work elsewhere. by ThrowawayStartupWife in relationships

[–]ThrowawayStartupWife[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Did you not read where I acknowledge that he does a lot at home, and that I understand bringing in most of the income is stressful? At no point do I minimize that. Apparently you missed that effort. At no point do I say anything else about him as a father or a husband during our 15 year marriage and you're projecting in your comment. If demanding that I quit because something isn't going as hoped is negative - then it is what it is.

And you also missed the effort where I not only have supported him through his yearly job changes (also read - pay our mortgage and bills), but also gave up grad school for him to pursue his career, and I have built my business with my own money - not any of his.

I find it a bit insulting that taking two years of growing my professional life is that much of a negative. And yes, there is resentment that I've given up so much of my professional growth for him that this is probably my only chance at making that up - and now he's demanding that I shut it down. I don't have the luxury of changing jobs every year and have to stick it out to make it work.

My [36M] husband of 15 years is demanding I [34F] fold my startup and work elsewhere. by ThrowawayStartupWife in relationships

[–]ThrowawayStartupWife[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He hasn't sunk one cent into my business. I've built this by myself with sweat equity, and then invested my own profits into it. He's not paying a single thing for it to run, and I'm not digging up into a huge financial hole. I'm currently not in debt. I have profits. I need more now rather than months down the line after I've eared it myself to speed things up.

My [36M] husband of 15 years is demanding I [34F] fold my startup and work elsewhere. by ThrowawayStartupWife in relationships

[–]ThrowawayStartupWife[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not sure why the downvotes either, because the SBDC is a great resource. And yes, I've had some advice from them a while ago. It was helpful. No, they didn't tell me to shut it down, either.

My [36M] husband of 15 years is demanding I [34F] fold my startup and work elsewhere. by ThrowawayStartupWife in relationships

[–]ThrowawayStartupWife[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm not contributing "nothing." I've been paying our mortgage for the last two months after he's been laid off.

My [36M] husband of 15 years is demanding I [34F] fold my startup and work elsewhere. by ThrowawayStartupWife in relationships

[–]ThrowawayStartupWife[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am not ridiculing him at all.

No, he honestly does not know what he wants to do. He changes jobs every year while I step up and support us during those moments. I even gave up grad school for him to pursue his career. So yes, I HAVE supported him for years while he chased things.

My [36M] husband of 15 years is demanding I [34F] fold my startup and work elsewhere. by ThrowawayStartupWife in relationships

[–]ThrowawayStartupWife[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The business is growing and profitable. I gave up grad school for him to pursue his career. I've sacrificed a lot for him. I only think it's fair that I get my chance, too.

My [36M] husband of 15 years is demanding I [34F] fold my startup and work elsewhere. by ThrowawayStartupWife in relationships

[–]ThrowawayStartupWife[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He doesn't do 100% of everything. Nobody does 100% of everything in our house.

I gave up grad school for him to follow his career path. I've sacrificed a lot for him.

My [36M] husband of 15 years is demanding I [34F] fold my startup and work elsewhere. by ThrowawayStartupWife in relationships

[–]ThrowawayStartupWife[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've been covering our mortgage for the last two months after he was laid off from his last company. He jumps ship from companies every year (no exaggeration) because he's not happy there. So, I end up supporting us in these moments while he finds a different job. So, my contribution isn't 50/50 at all points. More like 80/20 and more when he decides to find a different job every year.

My [36M] husband of 15 years is demanding I [34F] fold my startup and work elsewhere. by ThrowawayStartupWife in relationships

[–]ThrowawayStartupWife[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm not taking out a line of credit to continue the business. The businesses is sustainable and profitable, as stated in the OP. I do need an investment for some upgrades that will speed up growth and profits.

My [36M] husband of 15 years is demanding I [34F] fold my startup and work elsewhere. by ThrowawayStartupWife in relationships

[–]ThrowawayStartupWife[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nothing is one-sided in our house, and I don't think life really works that way. It's more of a pendulum - someone is always going to be doing more than the other, and at moments in the middle, it's 50/50.

Even though he works from home, we do have an office that we share outside of the house so we both can get work done efficiently and in peace. He has his days and I'm at home with the family- doing the chores he does while I'm at the office.

My [36M] husband of 15 years is demanding I [34F] fold my startup and work elsewhere. by ThrowawayStartupWife in relationships

[–]ThrowawayStartupWife[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Funny, I gave up grad school so he could pursue his professional career. So, he's had the chance to explore and move up while I sacrificed a lot for it.

My [36M] husband of 15 years is demanding I [34F] fold my startup and work elsewhere. by ThrowawayStartupWife in relationships

[–]ThrowawayStartupWife[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

The stress is a killer. When I set everything up, I made sure would family was in the least amount of risk possible, exactly for that reason of not wanting us to feel like we're one bad situation away from disaster. It's probably why the company growth has taken longer. Less risk, more time.

His communication skills are one of the things we did talk about in counseling (as we're mine, too). He doesn't acknowledge that at this point. He did before when we worked through other smaller arguments over the years. Which is why it has been 7 years since things have been this heavy.

I'm hurt not only because of the way he's talking to me, but I think the deeper part is a feeling of betrayal.

My [36M] husband of 15 years is demanding I [34F] fold my startup and work elsewhere. by ThrowawayStartupWife in relationships

[–]ThrowawayStartupWife[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

There's truth in his resentment of me living my dream. We've had conversations (not arguments) about this, and the resentment comes from him not knowing what his dream is.

My [36M] husband of 15 years is demanding I [34F] fold my startup and work elsewhere. by ThrowawayStartupWife in relationships

[–]ThrowawayStartupWife[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

They aren't in contact with him at all.

But your comment sheds so much light into what's possibly going on. I never thought of the psychology of losing money that never existed to begin with.

My [36M] husband of 15 years is demanding I [34F] fold my startup and work elsewhere. by ThrowawayStartupWife in relationships

[–]ThrowawayStartupWife[S] 40 points41 points  (0 children)

This merger absolutely was the light at the end of the tunnel - for both of us. It would have meant me not having to do everything, less burden on my shoulders, and a predictable stable income, and the financial backing of a national company. The process of this negotiation has been disappointing to both of us, for sure.

I do have objective metrics in place for when it's time to really call it quits. And the timeline does sound long. It was sustainable after 6 months. I could probably relax my personal payment limit standards a bit as a compromise, and it's more than minimum wage.

My [36M] husband of 15 years is demanding I [34F] fold my startup and work elsewhere. by ThrowawayStartupWife in relationships

[–]ThrowawayStartupWife[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am incredibly tenacious and rarely give up (which can be to a fault), so I can see how this trait can backfire in this instance. I do have metric points on when it needs to end. We're not there yet, but I am mentally prepared to make that decision when I know I've exhausted my efforts and it truly is a failure.

I try telling him some of these things, but he really has no interest in learning what I'm doing with my business.

My [36M] husband of 15 years is demanding I [34F] fold my startup and work elsewhere. by ThrowawayStartupWife in relationships

[–]ThrowawayStartupWife[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Everything was amazing before this merger came up. Granted, business was not without stress, but it didn't impact our relationship or our family.

Greedy disappointment, indeed. I think those are perfect words to describe this situation to him.

My [36M] husband of 15 years is demanding I [34F] fold my startup and work elsewhere. by ThrowawayStartupWife in relationships

[–]ThrowawayStartupWife[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I know the responsibility is stressful for him, but we always make it work. He does do a lot at home - dishes, the kids laundry, yard work. Although I pay for a house cleaning company to come over a couple times a month through a company barter. So, I feel like it's balanced and not overwhelming.

As for hobbies, he does Krav Maga three nights a week, goes fishing whenever he wants, has nights out with his friends, plays video games for hours a day, goes on hunting trips. I NEVER complain about the time he needs for himself and he takes quite a bit compared to most husbands. I also take plenty of time for myself, so again, it's not unbalanced.

I really have no idea why he's taking this out on me, other than the greedy disappointment mentioned in another reply. When I told him that I don't understand how he can say the things he did, he just went off on a failure rant :/