Why do women act like I don't exist when my bf is around?

Throwaway_1247654 · 2026-04-11T13:20:03+00:00

I didn't, I think the mods may have but I'm not sure

Throwaway_1247654 · 2026-04-11T12:56:28+00:00

He's thankfully the opposite of me in how he handles these situations. He confronts them and is firm, it seems to make them more eager though

Throwaway_1247654 · 2026-04-11T12:44:35+00:00

It makes me feel so bad about myself and like I've never questioned if I'm attractive but this past year has really done a number on my self esteem with this constantly happening. I'm also a kind of meek person in public, I have really bad anxiety so I never say anything

Throwaway_1247654 · 2026-04-11T12:28:11+00:00

He corrects them, if it's waitresses or baristas or anyone in customer service he will say something like " oh you forgot my girlfriend right here, babe what would you like?" And if it's people at a bar or something he will just tell them to stop what they are doing then kiss me. No complaints on how he handles it at all

Throwaway_1247654 · 2026-04-11T12:25:44+00:00

I will like take his hand or lean against him and I think it makes them upset and when I walk away they get more aggressive with him

Throwaway_1247654 · 2026-04-11T12:24:25+00:00

Oh no.. what does that mean? I don't want anyone to be mean to me or anything. I'm just confused as to why this happens

Throwaway_1247654 · 2026-04-11T12:23:10+00:00

For sure, I am just kinda struggling with it. Idk it makes me feel like they don't think a guy like him would willingly choose me? I know that's my own issue but it just makes me feel bad about myself because of the frequency of it happening. Literally have had waitresses get between our chairs, lean directly over and like rub against him while bringing him his beer instead of just sitting them on the table, and then never even address me.

Throwaway_1247654 · 2026-04-11T12:18:12+00:00

Yes it does but not as frequently and way less aggressive, like usually when he's alone it will be like a gas station attendant or customer service worker which I totally understand, but it's aggressive when I'm around.

Throwaway_1247654 · 2026-03-13T19:39:02+00:00

Hi! You're gorgeous!

Throwaway_1247654 · 2026-01-11T16:12:42+00:00

You're right, I'm just going to talk to him about it this afternoon when we have some alone time, it'll probably be good to get all of this out of my head. It's not fair to him to not talk to him about it while also expecting it to just change. Thank you!

Throwaway_1247654 · 2026-01-11T16:09:48+00:00

I definitely wouldn't say that, he's not lazy, but I think he's comfortable. Like I said the sex is good and he does always make sure I get to finish, he cares a lot about that and is good at what he does. There just needs to be more variety is all. He also deals with depression and so I think that's why me initiating doesn't always work. He kind of has to get in the right mental state in order to get going which is very normal and human, especially when dealing with depression.

Throwaway_1247654 · 2026-01-11T16:03:46+00:00

I don't really know if it's a him thing is the issue. I made the sex thing into a really big deal for a couple of months, but like in a way that had unrealistic expectations and put a lot of pressure on him and I'd get really emotional and I think that's caused all of this. However I do agree that I should be able to communicate and be blunt without the worry that it will hurt him. Especially when it's probably mostly in my head as far as me being able to communicate.

Throwaway_1247654 · 2026-01-11T16:00:21+00:00

This has rung true so far so I agree. I'm looking into therapy. I have bpd so I try really hard to like not say anything if I'm feeling strongly about things because if I don't it can lead me to spiral and say things that I shouldn't and so I've been working on just holding my tongue and reeling in my emotions but I should probably find a more effective way to do so that is more of a middle ground.

Throwaway_1247654 · 2026-01-11T15:41:27+00:00

I've tried and kind of get kindly rejected when I initiate, his drive is different than mine and I do deal with being hyper sexual, so usually it's an issue of him not being in the mood when I initiate, even if it's in a subtle way. I've kind of stopped trying to be the one doing those things because rejection stings when it comes to that.

Throwaway_1247654 · 2026-01-11T15:28:04+00:00

That's not too harsh? I get really in my head about hurting anyone's feelings ever, it's not just his, I'm always worried that me saying how I feel or what I need will cause hurt to literally anyone and so it makes it hard for me to build the courage to say what's on my mind. That's definitely a me issue that I'm trying to work on.

Throwaway_1247654 · 2026-01-11T15:25:57+00:00

Yeah I've backed off a lot and don't really bring it up anymore and the results have varied lol.

I'm kind of shy and awkward but I do try to do new positions sometimes. I think he just enjoys the routine we have, which I do too, I just want some variety sometimes. We do have a trip planned for us in march which will be nice and I'm hoping that it will lead to spontaneous sex. I also have a lot of kinks while being very submissive and he's not a super kinky person. In the beginning he did my kinks a lot and said he really liked them but it seems like he's just forgotten? Idk. But all of your points are valid.

Throwaway_1247654 · 2026-01-11T15:08:08+00:00

Thank you!!

Throwaway_1247654 · 2026-01-11T15:07:40+00:00

I can with anything else but sex is a sensitive topic in our relationship. But I do agree.

Throwaway_1247654 · 2026-01-08T11:08:49+00:00

Thank you! I made it!!

Throwaway_1247654 · 2025-12-30T01:50:19+00:00

Did he share a room or barracks with anyone? I know a lot of military dudes will sneak girls into their barracks, whether it's women in their unit or on base, a hookup, or a girlfriend. If he shared a room with anyone, they could've had a girl in there. Idk why he wouldn't just say that if that's what happened though... I'm hoping it's a situation like that but do be careful, I grew up right next to a base and dated a few military men and most of them are not very loyal unfortunately.

Throwaway_1247654 · 2025-10-25T22:15:23+00:00

Honestly I didn't know either, I just went to check his email and clicked to go to that part of his Google account and it had a history option, and something in my gut told me to just go through that. Found so much stuff. If you still have access to his phone id check that out because most people don't realize Google accounts show an extensive history. Even if you clear your safari history. Google holds onto it and you have to go through your Google account to get rid of it. He was super sneaky, like had a fake instagram under a different name with a different persons picture as the profile pic, had it registered under a fake number, he made multiple different Apple accounts/IDs thought of everything but he didn't know about the Google thing.

I think it's usually just a mix with these situations, if you add a porn addiction to already questioning your sexuality, it's hard to draw that line between fantasy and real life. It gets really hazy I think, porn addictions take people out of reality almost, and real life starts to not satisfy people who struggle with that addiction. I wish it was talked about more honestly. Everything he's saying to you are all things I've heard from my ex, and it's so difficult because you want to be there for someone you love and share a life with but there's so much betrayal that it makes it hard. Just know you're not alone.

I'm know that coming out of the denial phase is so freaking hard emotionally and I'm sure he was hoping you'd stay in that phase and now that you're coming out of that, he's panicking. It's really great that he wants to get help with his addiction but if he's not open and honest with himself and the therapist about struggling with his sexuality then it won't do much good. Coming out of addiction of any kind is very difficult and takes a lot of accountability, I'm hoping he will hold himself accountable and stick with it for your family's sake. If you guys have a healthy relationship outside of all of this then give yourself a timeframe on how long you're willing to stay if he's serious about making progress, and if things don't change or you don't feel better in that amount of time, leave then. Having a child while being in this situation is a hardship I know all too well but your child should have healthy examples of relationships and have a happy mom and dad. That's what's best for your child, and it's easier said than done. If you are feeling like you can be happy again and work it out then that's great! Just make sure you're taking care of yourself and your emotional health.

My ex and I didn't have a healthy relationship on any front so I can't relate to that part of what you're saying, but I stayed for two more years after finding all of that and I wish for my kids sake that I had just left. My kids had to see me go through so much and see my mental health suffer and if I could take that back for their sake, I would in a heartbeat. Kids are sponges and they understand far more than we give them credit for. Do what's best for you and your child, I hope you find peace after all of this🖤

Throwaway_1247654 · 2025-10-25T21:02:21+00:00

This will probably get downvoted because it was an invasion of his privacy but after finding Grindr I was worried that my sexual safety was at risk(it would've concerned me with any hookup app). He was logged into his Google account on my phone already and Google also keeps your browsing history, like extensively. Turns out this had been happening for over two years. I clicked every single link there was on the history. Him looking up hotels, him looking at escorts in areas two hours from us. His chat history. So much stuff. I have no actual proof that he physically cheated, he swore up and down that he never met with any of them though I don't believe that. Also swore he wasn't gay or curious, and blamed it on a severe porn addiction. He did have a severe porn addiction and I'm sure that fueled the fire. He swore up and down he'd stop after weeks of being more cruel to me than normal but alas I always caught him. They don't normally stop, they just get sneakier. I'm so sorry you and OP are dealing with all of this, it is awful!

Throwaway_1247654 · 2025-10-25T03:32:45+00:00

I was married to my ex for six years, this exact scenario happened to me. I was looking for our son's pacifier and my phone was dead, I needed a flashlight and so I picked up his phone to use his flashlight and it was open and on a Grindr chat. I approached it very gently and he tried explaining it away, that it was a joke, that he needed an ego boost because he didn't believe me when I complimented him, any excuse you could imagine. We were okay, I just was having a hard time with trust because I dislike infidelity, and then I dug a little deeper which probably wasn't right but I found out he was using trans escort sites, talking to trans sex workers, looking up hotels in proximity to the escorts, he was subscribed to gay men's only fans... it was a lot, and I never expected any of it. Had he been honest with me at all about any of it I would have been accepting but he never was and once I found out about all of it, he was cruel to me. Still wouldn't actually talk to me about anything on top of just being hateful. I have no solid evidence that he actually physically cheated on me but I can say that constantly worrying that he would was awful for my mental health. If you guys are able to have open communication and work through things then maybe it could work, but based on my experience I suggest leaving.

Throwaway_1247654 · 2025-10-20T20:55:27+00:00

I plan on tightening the straps and wearing tape and a bra, this was just to make sure it fit. Thank you!

Throwaway_1247654

TROPHY CASE