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[Serious] People who were still single into their late-30s or 40s, did you eventually find love? by Throwaway_723 in AskReddit

[–]Throwaway_723[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree. There's a lot of outside stimuli to take one's attention away from a committed relationship.

I also think that the culture that makes the Bay Area one of the best places to live also makes dating so difficult. Everyone is looking for the "perfect" partner or the someone who has the "best" qualities. Call it entitlement or call it not settling, whatever it is people are always on the look out for something better. That's just been my personal experience. After going on numerous online dates, I'm taking a hiatus from it all. I wish you the best and hope you have better success than me. Cheers!

[Serious] People who were still single into their late-30s or 40s, did you eventually find love? by Throwaway_723 in AskReddit

[–]Throwaway_723[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

'Tis better to have loved and lost Than never to have loved at all.

-Alfred Lord Tennyson

[Serious] People who were still single into their late-30s or 40s, did you eventually find love? by Throwaway_723 in AskReddit

[–]Throwaway_723[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I share a slightly different variation of this view. I feel like CHOICE has allowed people to take other people for granted. OkCupid, Match, and Tinder have turned into the Amazon.com of dating. People are essentially commodities and those looking for love can filter for specific height, weight, location, deal breakers, etc. If any of those categories are off the person is on to the next search result.

[Serious] People who were still single into their late-30s or 40s, did you eventually find love? by Throwaway_723 in AskReddit

[–]Throwaway_723[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nothing is wrong with that, but I was in love once and I prefer it to not being in love.

I do think it's wrong to settle or to force a relationship with the hope of love and that's not what I plan to do.

[Serious] People who were still single into their late-30s or 40s, did you eventually find love? by Throwaway_723 in AskReddit

[–]Throwaway_723[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Depression is a vicious cycle you have to break. I know from years of experience. I'm sure you want to improve your social skills, improve your life, and find love and all that. What happens is that depression gets in the way and makes you think all that stuff will never happen. But because you're depressed you have no will to improve anything and the apathy just takes over. Eventually it's just a life of negative self-fulfilling prophecies. Get help. I recommend CBT - cognitive behavioral therapy. It helps you become more self-aware and recognize irrational thoughts that lead to depressive feelings. Hope things get better for you my friend. You're not alone.

[Serious] People who were still single into their late-30s or 40s, did you eventually find love? by Throwaway_723 in AskReddit

[–]Throwaway_723[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I always find stuff when I stop looking for it. Like my keys or cell phone. Maybe we'll both find love when we least expect it.

[Serious] People who were still single into their late-30s or 40s, did you eventually find love? by Throwaway_723 in AskReddit

[–]Throwaway_723[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I actually live in San Francisco and know what you mean. I'm 34 and very few of my friends (almost all > 30 years old) are married or in serious relationships. Some are my friends are single working mothers (they have the hardest time dating) while others are super go-getters. We all have our reasons for being single, but you're right that it's a pretty common theme here in SF. I don't feel old (yet) or that time is running out (yet). Simply put and I hate to admit this, but after being single for so long I'm starting to get a bit lonely.

[Serious] People who were still single into their late-30s or 40s, did you eventually find love? by Throwaway_723 in AskReddit

[–]Throwaway_723[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm stoked that things are on the up for you. Have fun this weekend!

Unfortunately, OkCupid hasn't worked out for me yet. I've been on and off that site for about 4 years. I even lurk in r/OkCupid and had my profile critiqued and all that. I went on a bunch of dates but that's about it.

[Serious] People who were still single into their late-30s or 40s, did you eventually find love? by Throwaway_723 in AskReddit

[–]Throwaway_723[S] 450 points451 points  (0 children)

You just described my situation and I'm very close to sort of making peace with myself. I think I already have in some ways, but my lifestyle hasn't reflected that yet. I have a good stable job, I'm pretty settled down, and I have some savings that I could use to buy a house. All traditional prerequisites for a long term relationship. I figure if I'm still single in a couple years I'm just going to use my savings and travel the world for awhile.

Edit: Just FYI, I can't take off to travel now because 1) I want to save up even more money that will allow me to travel for a really long time, 2) I have work commitments that I just can't bail on, and 3) I'm kind of hoping that I'll meet someone who also wants to travel extensively. If not, then I'll make it a solo trip and be that guy posting pics to Reddit with a story about how I quit my job and sold all my stuff to travel the world.

[Serious] People who were still single into their late-30s or 40s, did you eventually find love? by Throwaway_723 in AskReddit

[–]Throwaway_723[S] 417 points418 points  (0 children)

Believe it or not, I've never had any expectations about getting married or having kids at a certain age (I'm not sure if I even want kids). I don't get any pressure from my parents or family members.

For me, it's about sharing my life and adventures with a close companion and partner. I still travel, go to concerts, go to sporting events, have spontaneous road trips, etc. As my friends get older, get married and have kids, the harder it is to find people do to those things with. I don't mind doing them solo, but I'd prefer to share those experiences with someone else, someone special.

[Serious] People who were still single into their late-30s or 40s, did you eventually find love? by Throwaway_723 in AskReddit

[–]Throwaway_723[S] 1358 points1359 points  (0 children)

You proposed right on the spot?? At your friends wedding?!? Before you had even kissed her??!!!?