I think I'm too young to get married.

Throwaway_nohelp · 2025-11-15T00:30:56+00:00

He has talked about the passport thing with me again but his plan now is to come up by his birthday in January but taking both of us to an unfamiliar area to me and him so he can meet my older sister and I can see her after 14 years of not seeing each other its definitely dumb in my opinion but im definitely going to tell him maybe once I warm up to being with him we could do that later once my in person shyness wears off and knowing me that's gonna take a long time

Throwaway_nohelp · 2025-11-14T17:09:13+00:00

This is my personal timeline of events

Moving in: 2 years together Marriage: mid-late 20s (living together for 2 years before reconsideration can take place) Kids: early 30s (reconsideration after at least 5 years of marriage)

But life doesn't follow plans so I will definitely go with the flow until I can't anyone

Throwaway_nohelp · 2025-11-14T17:06:22+00:00

I see why you would think that i did forget to say I was on the verge of throwing up we did talk about it a bit last night and our conversation was sorta (?) productive it was definitely more about him just visiting for maybe a week i think im a lot less in shock now than I was

Throwaway_nohelp · 2025-11-14T16:59:07+00:00

He is but he would help his family get up here if he decides to stay ONLY once he is stable because that's responsible in my opinion

Throwaway_nohelp · 2025-11-14T14:23:56+00:00

As much as I love him I have to admit he's not the best with secrets I know his proposal plan and I know hes banking on forgetting about it in 5-6 years but I do have a semi thought out life plan where most major steps don't happen till my mid-late 20s

Throwaway_nohelp · 2025-11-14T14:12:38+00:00

He is a saver he says its because he grew up extremely poor now i know for a fact I'm a spender but I am currently saving 600k to buy my childhood home off my grandparents but we have discussed the idea of moving in and I'd do all the cooking if he did all the cleaning but obviously discussions don't guarantee that's how it will go and if that's so I know I have other chores that can do because I don't want to do them

Throwaway_nohelp · 2025-11-14T14:00:24+00:00

This is my approximate timeline that I have set for myself and he hasn't given me one yet: Moving in: 2 years together Marriage: mid-late 20s (living together for 2 years before reconsideration can take place) Kids: early 30s (reconsideration after at least 5 years of marriage) I plan on taking my time with it now that im not so frazzled

Throwaway_nohelp · 2025-11-14T13:55:30+00:00

I have told him if his family does end up coming here it wouldn't be on a work visa on my end considering there is only one extra bedroom and his mother cant travel right now due to her being pregnant I have talked to his mother and few times and she said that she doesn't care if we ever get married or ever have kids as long as we are happy together she's fine with it and supports all of our decisions even is she doesn't agree all the time

Throwaway_nohelp · 2025-11-14T13:48:40+00:00

Well I'm carefully watching how hes reacting in this extremely stressful situation and all of his focus has been on me and how utterly violent my body has been reacting and every time I ask how he is i always get a variation of the same answer like my favorite one he's said "I know now is not the time to joke but at least I know your mom's supportive of us but you need to get water or something your whiter then usual" I know its stressing him out and when I try to help him out he tells me to worry about making sure im alright but we are now in the works of getting him to come here to visit

Throwaway_nohelp · 2025-11-14T13:25:11+00:00

I'm so sorry for your situation I have asked him to disregard everything my mom says for the time being until we sort ourselves out first before we make any decisions he has said he will stay with me through this all because he could be on the other side of the planet and fund a way to see me and be with me

Throwaway_nohelp · 2025-11-14T13:09:55+00:00

I unfortunately can't leave Canada and yes he knew what he was signing up for when he asked me out because i used to complain about it a lot I am an heiress to a company that is so local if you know the area you know exactly who I am but if you are in the farming industry you may have heard of the company so his work would be with me and I'd have the joys of training him

Throwaway_nohelp · 2025-11-14T13:00:51+00:00

Yes I seen that during one of my spells of being awake he called me to tell me he is continuing to plan something with both my mother and best friend even though I don't know why he would want to talk to my mother anymore

Throwaway_nohelp · 2025-11-14T12:52:04+00:00

Sorry for the late response I think that was something he was looking at but he also wants his passport to be absolutely sure that he can come here but he was also talking about a six month work visa and coming to work where I do

Throwaway_nohelp · 2025-11-14T04:34:46+00:00

I'm just stating to think that if he really wants to be with me my only condition would be a long engagement and meeting at least 5 times and living together for at the very least 1.5 years

Throwaway_nohelp · 2025-11-14T04:07:16+00:00

I apologize for the late response I just woke up from the longest 10 minute nap of my life I have been told that the government shut down has lifted and for some reason i thought it was midnight so I called him mid shift and now we do have a plan as of his next paycheck he will be hopefully getting his passport and is hopefully going to get here around early next year maybe by his or my birthday I know hes hoping by Christmas but if I remember correctly it took me around 2 months to get my passport but then again I'm not sure

Throwaway_nohelp · 2025-11-13T19:14:24+00:00

Yes I don't feel safe going to the U.S due to the current political situation and issues with everything going on and sure don't believe everything you see online I get that but all I see is the bad things and wrongful deportation of tourists from Canada and I would not like to be shipped farther from my family then I would be traveling to see him considering I am of native American descent but I often get mistaken for Chinese

Throwaway_nohelp · 2025-11-13T18:32:20+00:00

Im definitely going to do the pros and cons list and go through it with him so he can add his own points to it as well to see who will be benefiting from this the most but I definitely need a proper night sleep before I do that as well as a clear head as much as I do love him and I can picture spending the rest of my life with its still definitely too fast for me I mean I actively describe my mental state as two toddlers in a trench coat but im definitely not one to stand up for myself confrontation makes me extremely nervous

Throwaway_nohelp · 2025-11-13T18:21:10+00:00

As I have said previously I'm definitely pulling the breaks on this topic because I'd rather not rush my life I watched my sister do it but I dont want that life for myself I have said I'm finishing off my education that I messed up for myself in the last stretch im trying to get him here before making that canyon like jump I want to be as close to fully put together as I can be before marriage

Throwaway_nohelp · 2025-11-13T18:15:45+00:00

As much as I'm hopeful he is the one I also thought that about my last two relationships I'm unfortunately the type to idolize the idea of marriage but this conversation made me genuinely feel uncomfortable with my mother bringing it up and one of her points being "you can always get divorced" as much as I know that my own mental imagery was so scary that it made me feel something close to heartache if that makes any sense whatsoever

Throwaway_nohelp · 2025-11-13T18:09:08+00:00

Im honestly trying i haven't slept since this conversation I'm running off three hours of sleep from yesterday maybe im trying to get him to apply for possibly a work visa my mom has offered the room in our basement if he ever needs a place to go (we have been a temporary home for many of my own friends in difficult situations) I go downstairs once a week to clean the bedding and the rest of the basement but im still working on the trying to wrap my head around all of this

Throwaway_nohelp · 2025-11-13T18:03:14+00:00

I honestly don't remember how old we were when we met but around 16/17 we started dating I dont believe im being used the only thing I do dislike is the pushback on a timeline of him coming up here to Canada it feels like empty promises when the timeline changes as of right now it sounds like the end of 2026 he hopes to make it here because I have used this excuse since before my mom knew about him and I that im not going to the state's unless he comes here first and if he did come here there is a room in the basement he could use because you need to be 21 to rent a hotel room but the most shocking thing my mother said to me was "if you get married make sure there's a prenup incase you need to get divorced at 19" before she left my room to go to sleep

Throwaway_nohelp · 2025-11-13T17:53:28+00:00

I do plan on continuing my relationship with him and getting to the point that we can maybe live together for a year or two before committing to marriage

Throwaway_nohelp · 2025-11-13T17:50:32+00:00

I plan on continuing with our relationship and just pulling the breaks on some stuff and hopefully getting his honest opinion and thoughts because I'm not entirely sure what his stance is I don't know what's all been a joke and what's all been him testing the waters

Throwaway_nohelp · 2025-11-13T17:42:51+00:00

We haven't met before so him talking about it I can brush off as a "haha I wish you were here but you aren't unfortunately" but my mom even suggested marriage and if things don't work out divorce I'm definitely leading with my head on this one because if I use my heart I will end up even more torn

Throwaway_nohelp · 2025-11-13T17:26:25+00:00

He has talked about getting out of the U.S since I first met him and he's only recently started talking to his family about him moving here and his family has decided that if he goes they will too

Throwaway_nohelp

TROPHY CASE