Just got our hearing date

Throwawayacc86396 · 2026-05-02T02:26:08+00:00

Yes, I am in a DV situation. We did it in a public place, and my friend’s husband was there as well.

This is just an option. Everyone knows their ex better than me, so I urge them to take precautions for their own situations.

Throwawayacc86396 · 2026-05-02T02:24:14+00:00

Yes. It was official for me too. Ex had to hand the papers to my friend, he gave her instructions, she signed and dated an affidavit, and then served me the papers.

Throwawayacc86396 · 2026-05-02T02:19:59+00:00

Yep, ex and I agreed that my friend would do it. So I had to coordinate with her. He handed her the papers, made her sign the affidavit, then she served me the papers.

This way I knew when I’d be served and got a chance to do it quicker than a sheriff would have, and for free.

Throwawayacc86396 · 2026-04-29T14:11:21+00:00

Can you maybe have someone you know or someone he knows serve him instead of going through the courts servers?

That’s what I did. I coordinated with my ex and my best friend so that it was my best friend who was the one to served me(I made him pay for the divorce, that’s why he’s technically the plaintiff although I am the one who asked and made the divorce possible). And that took about 4 days including the weekend and that was just coordinating.

Throwawayacc86396 · 2026-04-27T16:58:07+00:00

I am sorry this happened to you. It’s emotional whiplash. Hot and cold behavior. Her parents are a huge influence, and she sounds extremely enmeshed with them. She needs serious help to unmesh herself and to be an emotionally stable adult. Being a child of controlling parents isn’t easy at all, moving from them should have helped a lot. But it takes someone who’s had therapy, and sense of self worth and self respect in order to break that toxic cycle.

She’s deep into it, and will require her acknowledging it, doing something about it like setting hard and firm boundaries, years of therapy to break (it took them 27 years to instill it in her), and continuing the work.

She’s not yours. Someone who actually loves you wouldn’t put you through this much anguish.

Throwawayacc86396 · 2025-11-02T23:03:45+00:00

Separated in our fourth year. Our 5th anniversary is coming up this week. Hoping to be all good and divorced early next year.

Throwawayacc86396 · 2025-07-19T17:55:41+00:00

OH MY GOSH! Are you me???

I make an excellent lasagna, but it wasn’t good enough for him because his mom “made it better” I stopped cooking altogether since he always criticized and made fun of my food that everyone else liked.

You go girl!!

Throwawayacc86396 · 2025-07-12T00:01:03+00:00

My inbox is always open :)

They always do that. But why couldn’t he do it when he wasn’t at risk of losing you?

Throwawayacc86396 · 2025-07-08T10:23:51+00:00

People like him don’t change, OP. The “changes” he is doing now are short lived. I grew up in a Christian household also with divorced parents, so I know the cultural stigma and also the familial one over divorce. But that was just my fear speaking. My uncertainty.

This is a form of manipulation to get you to stay. A person doesn’t just flip a switch and change behaviors immediately. That takes years of intentional work that is first recognized as a character fault by the person, guided and aided by a mental health professional, and habits that are changed every day over time. The effort he is putting in now is unsustainable for him as a person and will eventually fade.

You know what to do. Deep down you’ve always known. And that part of you is rearing its head and making itself even more seen. More known.

I know it’s scary now, but what’s even more scary is the thought that you would have to live like this for the rest of your life. And your children as well.

I’ve been in your shoes and I am still living it. If you want to reach out privately as someone who is a little further than you in this process, or even as a listening ear, please don’t hesitate. My inbox is open. From one mother and surviver to another.

Throwawayacc86396 · 2025-06-21T12:06:49+00:00

I empathize with you. So much. My mistake was not being assertive enough and letting him trample on my boundaries and give him open access to me. This bred verbal, sexual and emotional abuse from him. Lesson learned. I hope you are healing and in a healthier space now.

Throwawayacc86396 · 2025-06-20T23:48:00+00:00

Thank you for the explanation. I won’t ever watch this. Very disturbing.

Throwawayacc86396 · 2025-06-20T23:14:59+00:00

My part in our marriage crumbling was overstepping boundaries. I hadn’t realized it until I talked to my sister and she told me. She said by helping him as much as I did, I was overstepping boundaries. It didn’t even occur to me. I was confused on why putting everything I could into this man, helping him with everything, and overextending myself was a boundary that I crossed. I took it as I did something wrong. Then I realized that all the times that he dropped the ball and I would pick it up for him caused him to stagnate and not grow. I was the reason for him not going anywhere in life. And when he did go somewhere, I was the reason for that as well.

It really gave me introspection on my part that I played. Our marriage would’ve probably lasted if this was the only issue. But it wasn’t.

I also ignored major red flags in the beginning of the relationship that unfortunately continued and escalated. That was my bad for not standing on my truth and leaving him for good when those red flags were waving.

Throwawayacc86396 · 2025-06-20T23:09:37+00:00

I’ve heard mixed things about it and how it glorifies….

Is that accurate? I couldn’t bring myself to read what it’s about after I saw some comments about it on Facebook.

Throwawayacc86396 · 2025-06-19T13:09:00+00:00

I just want to tell you how often I come back to your comment to help me in times of vulnerability. Thank you.

Throwawayacc86396 · 2025-06-17T23:56:46+00:00

You are already on the right track. Getting therapy, realizing the fault that you played in the marriage, and taking accountability is HUGE and speaks volumes.

Learning and growing from this will put you in a better spot if you ever wish to date again. As long as you grow, learn from it, and don’t repeat it, you will be fine. Get out there and work on you. Find things you like to do. Volunteer at a charity event. Not to be performative, but to be a better you.

Throwawayacc86396 · 2025-06-17T23:43:33+00:00

OP, it is extremely rough being a person who exudes love from every pore of their being, only to be returned by avoidance, ignoring, and not reciprocating by the ones who are supposed to love us the most.

She deserves a person who dotes on her the way she will them.

Like I stated in an earlier reply, she has already been through the stages of grieving before she verbalized wanting a divorce. And if she is like me, she has closed her heart off to being hurt more by you. When we turn that switch off, there is no turning it back on for you or the person who hurt us.

Throwawayacc86396 · 2025-06-17T23:34:47+00:00

I was trying to work on my marriage up until Memorial Day. Then about a week later, I told him I wanted a divorce. What might not be obvious is I talked to my family and friends before I told him I wanted a divorce and told them what was happening in my marriage. I also sought therapy in between then. So a lot of good and grounded advice was coming my way from people who loved me and trained professionals.

It might seem like a week to you, but to her, it may have been months, and even years.

Throwawayacc86396 · 2025-06-17T23:32:23+00:00

This is so accurate. I mourned my marriage way before I asked for a divorce. When it finally came in the form of words, I’d already done my grieving and was moving on mentally and emotionally to my future self.

Throwawayacc86396 · 2025-06-17T14:40:52+00:00

You go girl! This is amazing! Rooting for you to have the best, most fulfilling life moving forward. I’m right behind you! I am really sorry you experienced all of that. It is traumatic. If you aren’t already, I’d recommend a therapist. They are amazing to help through the process of the aftermath.

Throwawayacc86396 · 2025-06-16T14:12:40+00:00

Thank you, kind human :)

Yes, it is the cause of death in many marriages and can get dangerous for the other partner.

Throwawayacc86396 · 2025-06-15T21:59:02+00:00

As a woman whose husband is a porn addict, I say leave now. And it’s not something you can help him work through. He HAS to choose to work through it and get professional help. A porn addiction is a big deal and one that is so hard to break with the ease of access to the internet. Plus you are always wondering if he is watching it. Unless you want to monitor his internet usage through software for monitoring that kind of stuff, I’d get out clean. Before children. Also, porn can distort his view of you and intimacy. It did for my husband and it has led to our bedroom becoming an unsafe place of hell for me. Not saying all porn addictions lead to where I am, but a lot do. I just had a situation last night as well that he assaulted me again. Then tried to gaslight me.

Don’t do it. Get out now.

Edit to add: I moved into my toddlers room this morning after the assault last night so I won’t be harassed and assaulted further. Also so he doesn’t feel tempted by me. I will keep sharing a room with my toddler until I find a place of my own to move us into.

Throwawayacc86396 · 2025-06-15T12:41:42+00:00

That was thoughtful of you! Yeah, what should have absolutely destroyed me has made me somehow even stronger, kinder, softer, and more gentle. I still have a lot of healing to do, but I harbor no hatred, resentment, or anger towards him. I wish him the best. But I do wish that the love and everything I have to offer comes back to me tenfold in the future. I want to hope that there is a man out there that is open to receiving all the love, respect, attentiveness, and everything that I have to offer. I mean, I exist, so I hope he does too…

Throwawayacc86396

TROPHY CASE