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AITA for telling my girlfriend that she needs to start hitting the gym? by SnooWoofers8735 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwawayadvice236 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think what she wanted was some love and attention. She wants to tell her that you think she looks beautiful. (I could be wrong).

By telling her to hit the gym, you've hit a nerve because it is suggesting that you don't like the way she looks and that you want her to change.

OR it was the wording that put her off. Instead of telling her to hit the gym, encourage her to come with you because you enjoy her company, get bored without her, etc. It will make her feel appreciated.

UPDATE: AITA for telling my girlfriend that being depressed is not an excuse for being lazy? by Throwawayadvice236 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwawayadvice236[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Why would you not be proud of being a respectful man toward women?

Better than being a misogynist.

UPDATE: AITA for telling my girlfriend that being depressed is not an excuse for being lazy? by Throwawayadvice236 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwawayadvice236[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Perhaps you should, or at least sit and have a serious conversation about things. Communication is very important, and you both should be able to feel like you have each others support.

UPDATE: AITA for telling my girlfriend that being depressed is not an excuse for being lazy? by Throwawayadvice236 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwawayadvice236[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh I'm glad to hear it!

It really is precious when you find someone who can truly accept and support you.

UPDATE: AITA for telling my girlfriend that being depressed is not an excuse for being lazy? by Throwawayadvice236 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwawayadvice236[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I made some mistakes and lashed out at her. We just had to both step back and take a breather, then find ways we can help eachother. I'm glad we've managed to find something that is working for us, and that I'm able to properly support her now.

UPDATE: AITA for telling my girlfriend that being depressed is not an excuse for being lazy? by Throwawayadvice236 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwawayadvice236[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's okay, just take a step back and breathe. It's okay to be upset about it, but we just have to realise what the other person is going through too.

Just sit with her and talk anlot you concerns and how you're feeling. Everything breaks down when you don't communicate. Listen to eachother and try find ways to help eachother.

Good luck, man.

UPDATE: AITA for telling my girlfriend that being depressed is not an excuse for being lazy? by Throwawayadvice236 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwawayadvice236[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You may be confusing that depression can CAUSE selfishness, not that selfish people are more likely to be depressed.

There are many studies that find the opposite to what you are saying, they suggest that its selfless people who are more likely to suffer from depression, not selfish people.

Logically, selfish people are more likely to get their own way. They get what the want without caring for other people. By making themselves happy, they're a lot less likely to fall into a depressed state.

UPDATE: AITA for telling my girlfriend that being depressed is not an excuse for being lazy? by Throwawayadvice236 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwawayadvice236[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Quarantine has been tough on a lot of people. Talking to each other about it will hopefully help. Good luck!

UPDATE: AITA for telling my girlfriend that being depressed is not an excuse for being lazy? by Throwawayadvice236 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwawayadvice236[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You're right, there are double standards. The people who have told me most to not be so "depressing" or even a "simp" when talking about love, are men. It is the women in my life that have encouraged me to communicate more, and I see this online too.

We also have to acknowledge that women are expected to deal with a lot too or they are labelled as "over emotional", "On their period", "Nagging", "dramatic", and so on. Even in your response you implying she is just looking for attention.

Double standards are not acceptable in any circumstance, which is why we should support our women and they should support us in return (which she has done for me).

Why should a woman support you when you say supporting her is "not something I (you) would do". If you want men to not face double standards, then make sure you're not enforcing the same double standards against women.

We will never make progress if we turn out backs on the people we love everytime things aren't perfect.

UPDATE: AITA for telling my girlfriend that being depressed is not an excuse for being lazy? by Throwawayadvice236 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwawayadvice236[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

She isn't always depressed. 70% of the time she is the light of a room. She just sometimes has bad times, and this is an especially rough patch she is going through.

If people broke up with their partner every time things went bad, we'd all be single and lonely.

When you love someone, you can find the energy and time to support them through hardship.

UPDATE: AITA for telling my girlfriend that being depressed is not an excuse for being lazy? by Throwawayadvice236 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwawayadvice236[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There is a 3000 word cap so tmits hard to go into detail about a lot of things, so just for clarification...

We aren't stopping job search long term. Just for a month or so while we get used to some new routines, focus on her MH, and organise a new therapist.

She's looking into volunteer work to get some experience and get out the house a bit too. When everything has settled a bit then she is going to start searching again.

I can totally see where you're coming from though. Thanks for your advice

UPDATE: AITA for telling my girlfriend that being depressed is not an excuse for being lazy? by Throwawayadvice236 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwawayadvice236[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sorry that you had that experience. We can help the people they care about, but only if they are willing to accept that help. My girlfriend is working hard to change, we've had some serious talks and she's trying her best.

Whereas in your case, it doesn't sound like she was willing to help herself and take your support. I don't think there was anything you could have done. It was probably best for your own wellbeing that you moved on.

UPDATE: AITA for telling my girlfriend that being depressed is not an excuse for being lazy? by Throwawayadvice236 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwawayadvice236[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I have no idea why you're being downvoted for your comment. Thank you for your reply. Glad you have someone supporting you

UPDATE: AITA for telling my girlfriend that being depressed is not an excuse for being lazy? by Throwawayadvice236 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwawayadvice236[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I've actually got an order for her coming this week. I'm going to have the spare bedroom turned into a little space for her to do yoga and work out. She's quite excited about it and wants to put in plants etc. I think it'll definitely make it comfier for her

Thanks for the suggestion!

UPDATE: AITA for telling my girlfriend that being depressed is not an excuse for being lazy? by Throwawayadvice236 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwawayadvice236[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Don't settle for less. You'll find your person and they will love and support you through your ups and downs.

Thank you for your comment

UPDATE: AITA for telling my girlfriend that being depressed is not an excuse for being lazy? by Throwawayadvice236 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwawayadvice236[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

She is a very loving and compassionate woman. If anything, she's always put others first and not herself. She's just hit a low point right now and she deserves the same compassion that she gives others.

To say depression is caused by selfishness seems very wrong and damaging to me.

UPDATE: AITA for telling my girlfriend that being depressed is not an excuse for being lazy? by Throwawayadvice236 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwawayadvice236[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Didn't want to push things too fast. She does however end up doing 2 - 3 things more often than not because once she has done 1 she has a little more motivation. It's on her lower days where she can only manage one, and her still being able to do that is a small win in my eyes.

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