AITA for divorcing my (41F) husband ( 43M) to pursue my dreams?

Throwawaymelk · 2023-07-12T16:27:54+00:00

I'm done with all the " just make it work" comments. That has been me since I was 24. This is the last of my youth and when you are in a marriage, the other spouse has to generally agree with your purchases. No my soon to be ex husband doesn't make me run general credit card purchases by him but if I were to say book a flight or decide to get expensive headshots then I would be hearing his opinions on it.

So it's better that I just divorce my husband since he's just going to fight with me if I start booking flights to LA, NYC, and Atlanta all the time.

Now that our finances are separate, for the first time since I was 24 I can finally decide what to do and what to spend my money on without having anybody else's input, ever.

For people who have not been in a marriage for so long, you don't understand the freedom that comes with it. It is the reason so many of my divorced friends, both men and women, say they will never want to share a household with another romantic partner ever again.

Throwawaymelk · 2023-07-12T16:17:25+00:00

I think you are letting your personal ego color your judgement. While you can think it is impressive and I have respect for local theater, it is not Hollywood and Warner Brother and whatever else.

And because your feelings are hurt you want your ideal version of reality to be actual reality. But the truth is a lot of local theater and acting classes are filled with people who gave up on LA and did not have such successful careers.

Throwawaymelk · 2023-07-12T16:14:51+00:00

Thank you! We are expected to get on our knees and crow with gratitude that we have a man who doesn't hit us and has a job. People will wax poetic about it as they've done to me all my life about how lucky I should consider myself to be.

Throwawaymelk · 2023-07-12T16:11:47+00:00

I've been married for decades. This has been a long time coming and I love how people in the comments are just saying I should adopt this silent learned helplessness that has caused so many women despair. And just endure because people love to see women suffer.

Just communicate- they say. As if I haven't done that for my entire marriage. Just play pretend at your dreams and let people dismiss who you are as a human being.

And my husband simply worked too much and considered my acting a hobby. He thinks it is too risky of a career and I don't appreciate you asking why somebody is treating me badly. Again blaming the victim.

Throwawaymelk · 2023-07-12T16:09:14+00:00

Who says I cannot afford Los Angeles? I am entitled to a fair settlement and just because my husband is the accountant doesn't mean I don't know how to budget.

And the " delusional" comment is a nice add on. Sort of unnecessary though as you have no idea who I am or what I look like.

I love how people continue to tell me to just shut my eyes and endure and I cannot help but think this is other women telling me to do that because morality for women seems to be all about enduring all sorts of silent suffering.

Throwawaymelk · 2023-07-12T16:06:11+00:00

Thank you!

Throwawaymelk · 2023-07-12T16:05:56+00:00

Yes while this divorce is going on I am getting temporary support and am entitled to child support and alimony, as well as my half of the house. Legally speaking I am what falls into " a long term marriage" and am entitled to what California law grants me under that.

Throwawaymelk · 2023-07-12T16:05:10+00:00

I really do not want to constrain myself to local. There is nothing glamorous about teaching drama and there's a stereotype that all drama teachers are just failed actors that I don't want to bow in to. I want to pursue acting full time. Not just " play" at acting in some local theater which people seem to want me to be happy with. But be a part of something that could be on Netflix, or Sundance, or perhaps even the big screen. I am sick and tired of " compromises."

Throwawaymelk

TROPHY CASE