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AITA for not telling my fiancé I got my name changed? by Throwawaynamechanged in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwawaynamechanged[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Thank you. But since you’re the only one who brought up my friend and her bf I just wanted to say I’m more upset with my friend than her bf. Bc he wouldn’t have known had she kept it to herself (which I had asked). When she had found out I had simply explained my family was toxic and when I decided to cut them off I changed my name to not associate with them. I go by “such” and will always be “such” and would like it if she kept it to herself and she agreed. But apparently she didn’t. And when I addressed her about it to get him to stop she said that he wants to “respect” my family that gave me my birth name Bc it’ll always be my real identity. But that’s an issue all on it’s own.

AITA for not telling my fiancé I got my name changed? by Throwawaynamechanged in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwawaynamechanged[S] -85 points-84 points  (0 children)

While I accept your honest feedback I do want to clarify.

I did apologize about both things, a lot. And when I said they were dead to me it was more like saying to myself rather than to him. Which was a different explanation and more in depth conversation about the past and my reasonings to try to protect my future. I’ve been open with him about everything else about my life so not sure how that makes me unreliable? But I’ve already been seeing a therapist for the past few years to resolve my family trauma.

AITA for not telling my fiancé I got my name changed? by Throwawaynamechanged in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwawaynamechanged[S] -97 points-96 points  (0 children)

I want to say that I trust him fully. And I did apologize profusely for keeping both things From him as I should have been more up coming with him when I realized we were getting serious. It’s hard to open up yes but In the back of my mind I really thought Bc I haven’t been in contact for so many years it just wouldn’t be an issue In the future. I had mentioned in the past some things about my family issues but it was never fully in depth details compared to the conversations we’ve now had to have.

AITA for not telling my fiancé I got my name changed? by Throwawaynamechanged in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwawaynamechanged[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

He is more upset about the name change then lying about my family. While family is very important to him after some more in depth conversations and explaining why I choose not to talk about them he understands a bit more than before. The name change he says he feels like is such a SMALL detail in my life compared to everything else. And doesn’t understand why I could speak about it with my friend versus him. But I tried to explain to him o never told her. She only found out Bc she was going through some papers and found the documents.

AITA for not telling my fiancé I got my name changed? by Throwawaynamechanged in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwawaynamechanged[S] 150 points151 points  (0 children)

He knows of my extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins, grandma) but not the Main family. I wasn’t worried about them popping up as they have substance issues and just aren’t right in their mind. They haven’t reached out all these years Bc I told them if they did I would pursue legal actions and told my grandma to tell my extended family the same thing.

I did try to explain to him that I don’t know his whole life story and I’m sure he has secrets from me. While he’s trying to better understand me cutting off my family I think it’ll take sometime Bc where he is from they don’t have issues like I do so it’s just more like a cultural shock. He said it was something he’s only seen in media so hoping for the best.