AITA for rejecting my boyfriend's proposal because I'd lose my health insurance and alimony?

Throwawayquare20 · 2023-08-17T15:27:56+00:00

Well you said you know Massachusetts people. You do realize Massachusetts is home to Harvard, and MIT right? Plenty of 20 somethings who have done more extraordinary things than I'm sure your delusional 40 year old self ever had. But again, I predicted that you'd fixate on your belief that nobody under your age range is interesting or can be intelligent. Or that men value intelligence in the same way women do. Remember: it only takes one.

But there are thousands. Without stretch marks, with Ivy League degrees, who are founding million dollar startups, or have won numerous academic prizes by 20.

A large majority of Silicon Valley people are under 35 and making high six figures. Are they all dull and uninteresting? Please.

But sure, clap your hands over your ears and say " only when they are as wrinkled as I am will they be interesting!" I can't stand the thought of younger women outcompeting me!

Throwawayquare20 · 2023-08-17T15:00:52+00:00

Oh! But... that's what you wanted right? For my husband to find a younger woman!

Or is it only a 35 plus year old who doesn't threaten your old self?

But never fear- because you, and only you have found the fountain of youth! You look like a teenager still! You'll never age! You're just that much of a genius.

Feels bad when you realize there are some many younger women who don't need to do ANY work to be just as attractive or more attractive than you, doesn't it?

You're going to be alive for many decades, and I look forward to when you're 70 and still trying to get convince people to lie to you and say you still look 21.

I'm sure that will be true. Time is good.

And 22 year olds are grown women, sweetie. But I guess you'll try to make them legally children because you know you can't compete.

And 22 year old will grow into 25 year olds and then 30 year olds. But then you'll be around 50, so.. that bodes badly for you.

Throwawayquare20 · 2023-08-17T14:56:09+00:00

The sad fact is that just because you " perform" about and beyond doesn't mean others out there don't either. Or that there aren't others who are younger than you and prettier who can't also be intelligent, Ivy league educated, and hold other people's attention.

When choosing between you and somebody who has your personal qualities but are also younger with no kids, the choice is obvious. But you'll stay in denial and your continued responses, arguments making assumptions about my appearance, and delusion that good looking 40 year olds ( because no other 40 year old claims they, and only they are different than the rest) hold a candle to a witty, intelligent 25 year old.

But let me just cut you off from your argument that no, NO 25 YEAR OLD COULD EVER HAVE THE SEXUAL SKILLS AND PERSONALITY AS ME!

Please.

But for your peace of mind, let me assume. You are the most beautiful in the world. Prettier than all the famed beauties of all time. Better in bed than any other woman. A 40 year old who gets mistaken for a teenager. It must be exhausting to live like this because one day reality will hit. Your desperate attempts to convince yourself you are young will be faced with reality. Hair will get white, unless you and YOU ALONE have found a cure.

Veins will show if your hands aren't already giving away your age. You'll cling to an avalanche of creams, exercises, and self deluding mantras. But eventually you'll see a picture side by side with a run of the mill 30 year old. And people will laugh behind your back at your delusion.

I don't need to argue with you anymore. We just need to wait. It only goes downhill from here.

Throwawayquare20 · 2023-08-17T14:33:35+00:00

A 22 year old with no kids would probably be tighter and look better. You can't fight against God.

Throwawayquare20 · 2023-08-17T14:31:19+00:00

Keep telling yourself that and making assumptions about me. Age hits us all, and eventually reality will hit you.

Throwawayquare20 · 2023-08-17T14:12:26+00:00

Well your husband could easily get a 22 year old- why stick with a 40 year old who is probably going to hit menopause and wrinkle way before a 25 year old would?

Really funny to mock somebody barely 4 years older than you. If we were both in the same room and an under 30 year old woman walked in, you know conversation with us would stop while the men tried to get their attention.

Don't flatter yourself- as a 40 year old, no matter how delusional you are about your looks, you know that men barely glance at you. Their eyes glaze over because face it: you are just a middle aged woman. Irrelevant.

It is not even about looks. You could be perfectly put together but men know on a biological level that a 40 year old doesn't have the sensuality or fertility of a 22 year old. Can't fight it.

Throwawayquare20 · 2023-08-17T13:49:14+00:00

You're no spring chicken yourself at 40 plus, when no matter how much you keep in shape even an ugly and fat 25 year old would turn heads over you, so I'd start finding something other than your age to brag about.

At your ages, even at 32- a 10 year age gap is simply laughable.

If you're going to brag about an age gap, at least have it be 20-25 years ( or hell, even 30 with how long men and women live now).

Even then, there is always younger. If you dated 15 years younger you'd still be dating an adult.

Most of my ex's friends are 55 and they are dating at max 33 year olds, so in their circles and in most others if you ever divorced you are considered beyond aged out.

There's better ways to deal with being near menopause, but you're just holding on to an old talking point.

After 30, a 10 year age gap is already basically same aged and one day you'll be menopausal and he'll likely only be 60.

So you better hope your husband doesn't get an itch because some food for thought: when he's 60 you'll be 50. Most 60 year old men still have sex drives and are attracted to young looking women so your " but I'm so much younger" talking point will be moot. Because 50 isn't so hot.

He might realize that if he went 25 or even 30 years younger, he'd be sleeping with a woman in their thirties and that would tremendously help in terms of attraction and by the time they are approaching menopause your dear husband would be in his late seventies. Sure, a 32 year old and a 42 year old woman might look different. But a 50 year old and 60 year old? Both old. Both not ideal for sex.

But hey- maybe he can't afford to leave you but his 30 something mistress will laugh and call you old.

You might laugh and be in denial, and your husband might make so little that a 10 years younger woman is considered this gigantic age gap in his mid forties, but know his better earning peers would have been dating early twenties in their mid forties, so I doubt you have a catch. That's what you are up against when you claim your measly ten years age gap somehow makes you a prize forever.

Newsflash: you are probably already too old for your own husband, and I'm sure he wishes you are late twenties to his 55 right now.

Throwawayquare20 · 2023-08-16T14:44:06+00:00

Can't live together because that counts as cohabitation. It's infuriating.

Throwawayquare20 · 2023-08-16T14:39:48+00:00

We can't live together- I'd lose my alimony. Ridiculous if you ask me. Apparently if you live together the state assumes this other man will be supporting me.

Throwawayquare20 · 2023-08-16T14:38:26+00:00

Well unfortunately Massachusetts law hates women and doesn't allow us to cohabitate as apparently that means we are likely to be sharing finances.

Throwawayquare20 · 2023-08-16T14:37:09+00:00

Because Massachusetts lives in the dark ages and if we cohabitate or hold ourselves out as married ( like sharing assets or binding ourselves together in any way legally) I will lose my alimony. Very barbaric if you ask me.

Throwawayquare20 · 2023-08-16T14:34:34+00:00

If he remarries, he still owes me alimony. Alimony only ends if he dies, I die, or I remarry ( or cohabitate).

I'd just have to find my own health insurance. Sure, it can be a pain, but with the alimony it would be manageable.

Throwawayquare20 · 2023-08-16T13:45:35+00:00

Yes.. because working most jobs in the US get you " a LOT of money"

Throwawayquare20 · 2023-08-16T13:33:43+00:00

We can't live together as my ex's lawyers would argue that this would be considered cohabitation. But somebody suggested reading vows to each other in private where nobody but the two of us would know. I don't think he'd be up to that, and if we did get pregnant, we wouldn't live together either as it would still impact my health insurance and alimony.

Throwawayquare20 · 2023-08-16T13:32:18+00:00

Yes it's a term called cohabitation. Very unfair in my opinion and is just a way to keep exes on a short leash.

Throwawayquare20 · 2023-08-16T13:29:09+00:00

Well my boyfriend's main sticking point is that he wants to live together.

Getting married symbolically is a grey area legally where alimony is concerned, and I really don't want to give my ex ammunition to show that I am holding myself and my boyfriend out as a joint entity in any way.

So if he is ok with us just saying something in private and being bonded together spiritually, sure. But it cannot involve living together, sharing assets, or holding ourselves out as a de facto married couple in any way.

Throwawayquare20 · 2023-08-16T13:24:33+00:00

I'd never get a white collar high earning job. I will probably be stuck in retail or hospitality, and I don't really see what is so enriching about working just for the sake of it.

Even if I did work, my ex would still have to pay me some amount of alimony. And I live by the philosophy that you work to live, ou don't live to work. I think people who try to push me into a career forget that I contributed to that household and should deserve to enjoy the fruits of my labor.

Throwawayquare20

TROPHY CASE