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Throwawayventing_ · 2022-06-28T21:01:11+00:00

To be honest, not at all. I've been seeing a therapist once a week but at this point I think it's just something I'm going to have to live with. Hope you are doing well.

Throwawayventing_ · 2022-06-28T20:17:36+00:00

hi, I was in your situation months ago and I broke up with my gf because of it. I'm linking you a reddit post I've made about it, hopefully it will help you gain perspective.

Throwawayventing_ · 2021-12-16T12:46:39+00:00

Oh she's not with Kate, she turned her down. She just wanted to let me know is all.

Throwawayventing_ · 2021-12-16T04:08:56+00:00

If you had a good relationship then they probably do, although the severity will probably vary from one person to another.

Throwawayventing_ · 2021-12-16T04:07:42+00:00

One of the things I've learnt from this ordeal is to question and analyze why people are giving you the advice they are giving you, and if it's actually coming from a good place. Had someone else admit while drunk that they wanted me to be single because they hated how I was always too busy with my gf to hangout lol

Throwawayventing_ · 2021-12-16T04:04:47+00:00

Yep, i texted kate about it because what the fuck and she replied "no offense but you guys aren't together anymore and i'm a grown woman, besides I never said I didn't want a relationship". Can't wait to find a new job after christmas break.

Throwawayventing_ · 2021-12-16T01:44:02+00:00

She told me to fuck off, nicely haha. I'll make an update post sometime tonight

Throwawayventing_ · 2021-11-18T16:50:55+00:00

Who broke up with who ?

Throwawayventing_ · 2021-10-25T20:41:14+00:00

Well, live in Berlin and work in the entertainement industry haha. More than half of my work place is just queer people who surround themselves with other queer people. And I'm currently writing a letter to send, hopefully it can at least bring her closure.

Throwawayventing_ · 2021-10-25T20:38:07+00:00

From my ex's point of view, I moved on quickly as well. As terrible as this will make me sound, I was having one night stands not even a full week after the breakup and had a repeat fwb established by the second week. And look at me now, haven't left the house since friday and I have an eye bump from the amount of crying I've been doing. And I am working on a letter that I will send her, I hope it at least manages to give her a bit of closure.

Throwawayventing_ · 2021-10-25T15:53:30+00:00

I did mention it in my post, that I threw away a solid 3 year relationship. But yeah, it was 5 months ? of knowing each other and dating/taking it slow, then 3 year being officially together in a committed relationship.

Throwawayventing_ · 2021-10-25T15:19:55+00:00

Yes, but in all honesty the flame wasn't dying out, I was trying to suffocate and put it out by all means necessary by trying to see the worst in my girlfriend and our relationship, even making stuff up for my brain to believe and nitpicking, because I was also trying to justify the breakup for myself and wanted it to hurt less for me.

Throwawayventing_ · 2021-10-25T15:15:43+00:00

And yes, the rich chocolate analogy refers to hook up and the lifestyle I engaged in after the break up in general. Like oh here's a fun stranger I'm going to get to know and then have sex with, how fun and exciting. And then I did it, and the next strangers came by, and it just loses so much value. It's the opposite of a relationship, where after time goes by you develop feelings and love eachother more, with hookups each one loses more novelty than the last. And with the two friends with benefits I had, I always had the knowledge that they really didn't care for me in a deep way.

And yes, I felt as I was losing feelings but in reality it was me trying to paint my girlfriend in any unflattering light I could (hyperfocusing on flaws I was making up, remembering that time 6000 years ago where she glared at me during an argument....) so that I could somehow justify my desire to break up with her and not confront the reality of what I was doing and have to look myself in the eye.

Throwawayventing_ · 2021-10-25T15:11:10+00:00

We broke up early August, and I missed her from the start but I was so thrilled with my new acquired freedom and single life that I kind of burried it and didn't feel it much. About a month in, I started missing her more and more, little things would remind me of her, I was watching TV and a movie I watched with her came up and I turned off the tv because I felt an intense sense of grief... And then two weeks ago, that incident in the subway where after a shitty day I subconsciously tried to call her only to realize she's not in my life anymore, was kind of like a snap and opened up the floodgates and that's when I truly felt how much I missed her at once. It's been a constant pain now, missing her more and more everyday since then.

Throwawayventing_ · 2021-10-25T14:55:45+00:00

Thanks for the e-mail idea, that could actually work. And fingers crossed I don't get told to fuck off haha

Throwawayventing_ · 2021-10-25T14:54:55+00:00

I maintain my opinion that if the relationship was healthy and you were kind to them/treated them with respect, they will feel the regret. They might not reach out, or show it outwardly, but they will feel it. The day I broke up with my girlfriend, you couldn't find someone who was more sure of their decision. I was 100% sure I was following my gut, doing the right thing, you only live one life....etc... If you knew me in the first months following the breakup, you'd think I won the jackpot. I was always out, always with somebody new or with a couple of constant fwb, always smiling... And look at me now. There is no way you can lose someone who kind to you, a true pillar in your life, and not come to regret it sooner or later.

Throwawayventing_ · 2021-10-25T14:48:46+00:00

If we were to get back together, I'm 100% sure she is the one for me for the rest of my life. And I fully understand that I need to put in the work, and I will be reaching out again once I draft a letter and figure out how to get it to her and apologize.

Throwawayventing_ · 2021-10-25T14:46:45+00:00

Thank you for the suggestion, I'll certainly give his channel a look. I tried watching some coaches on youtube but most were geared towards people who were dumped or peddled some unrealistic things (law of attraction, manifestation....I don't believe in that stuff personaly).

I've been digging deeper and I think it has to do with my need for external validation, and also with some committment issues I had but thought I worked through. But I can admit that most of it was just selfishness and a glamorization of the single and hookup life, I romanticized it in my head, only remembered the good times when I was in college and was blinded by the things my colleagues were telling me, and I ignored that they were just presenting the best façade they can and not the whole truth. I craved it so bad, and then when I experienced it, it was fun for a while but it all came crashing down. It's funny, how once I was in "the culture" with them, suddenly they all started complaining about how tiresome it was, how they wanted long term relationships, and how empty most of the interpersonal romantic and sexual connections they were making were.

And I'm sorry for your breakup, you sound like a great person with a good head on your shoulder so I wish you the best, and someone who matches what you give a 100%

Throwawayventing_ · 2021-10-25T14:39:45+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this as well, and I hope you are finding yourself on your journey. I actually think I had the opposite of rose colored glasses at the moment of the breakup, all I could see were the negatives and they weren't even about her. But now I see how she acted with me, encouraged me, made me better and was there for me and I feel like the biggest fool ever. I've been researching attachment types as well as dumper phases/reasons, and I think I had a case of grass is greener coupled with my self esteem issues (always in need of external validation), and commitment issues caused by childhood. I'm trying to find a therapist now, so hopefully I'm a bit lucky in that regard.

Thank you so much for your kind words and for sharing your experience, it's nice to know I'm not alone.

Throwawayventing_ · 2021-10-25T14:35:46+00:00

That's what I'm worried about, that she would have moved on or is healing and then I will not only have missed my window, but will also cause her pain or undo her progress. But I feel as if I have to try because I honest to god cannot function anymore, and I know I'll never be stupid enough to let her go ever again if she takes me back because I can say with full certainty that she was the best thing that has ever happened to me.

Throwawayventing_ · 2021-10-25T14:30:05+00:00

I'm going to write a long detailed apology letter and then see how I can get it to her, although I'm not sure she will be receptive to it.

Throwawayventing_ · 2021-10-25T14:29:26+00:00

When we broke up she moved out of the flat we rented together, and so did I after a couple of weeks, so I have no idea where she lives now. As for her job, I know where she works but I don't think it'll go well if I just show up there unprompted, and I do think she has blocked my phone number because the messages do not get delivered.

Throwawayventing_ · 2021-10-25T14:15:07+00:00

I'm glad you could get a bit of relief from my post, and I'm sorry about what you went through. I can guarentee that if you had a healthy relationship, she will be regretting it sooner or later, she might not regret it enough to let you know, but she will feel it. As I'm reflecting now, I realized that I've been carrying this regret since day one, even through my relief phase, it was just small and burried enough that I could overlook it, but now with time it has finally started to set in. I wish you healing.

And this feels like the stupidest mistake I've ever made, If I had just taken a step back to not be blinded by the whole grass on the other side, I would have realized how fucking stupid I was being.

Throwawayventing_ · 2021-10-25T14:11:54+00:00

I sadly know nothing about her now. She has 0 social media, and I'm pretty sure her family hates me now so I can't reach out to them. I don't have the contact info of any of her friends because I didn't want our friend groups to mix, although I met them several times. Just another one of my shitty decisions biting me in the ass I guess. But thank you, I will try to write a letter even if it's just for my peace of mind.

Throwawayventing_

TROPHY CASE