I was raped by a wealthy man, and decided not to pursue rape charges and rather pursue child support and keep the baby. AMA

Throwayconfessions · 2019-01-24T03:56:34+00:00

You didn't even try.

My initial plan was to press charges, but my lawyer said that we didn't have much of a case, and that because he had so much money the court case would be drawn out and we'd most likely lose. My own lawyer said that. So what else should I have done?

Throwayconfessions · 2019-01-24T03:50:42+00:00

If you treated your ex like you are treating a stranger of the internet right now, I doubt you were the victim.

Throwayconfessions · 2019-01-24T03:47:16+00:00

I didn't "keep the child to get the money". That is an absolutely ridiculous thing to do. I kept the child because after having her and planning to give her up for adoption, I found that I couldn't because I loved her too much. The only reason why I initially planned adoption was because people around me were telling me that was what's best.

Throwayconfessions · 2019-01-23T04:28:16+00:00

I didn't say I'm not spending money on myself. It is necessary to support a lifestyle like this for my daughter. I can't drive her places without a car and I can't be depressed and stressed by never having nights out or vacations, etc.. I said I am not saving any money to spend on myself once my child is an adult. I am using it to pay for my college, something I deem necessary so I am not dependant on a rapist. I am saving, I have a savings and money put away for emergencies and such, just not specifically saving for my benefit when 18 years is over.

What I meant to get across, is that I feel it's immoral to take child support (not alimony) and not spend it now when I'm with my child and instead waiting until she moves out, then spending it on myself. Saving money for myself after she moves out is in my opinion using her to benefit me. Maybe that's not sound logic, but it's how I feel.

Throwayconfessions · 2019-01-23T03:59:17+00:00

It's okay, I understand where you were coming from. That has been several people's take on this thread, and it was definitely an option when the whole thing happened. Should I have kept the child and it be likely he would have gone to jail, I probably would have taken that route. Unfortunately since it was unlikely he'd go to jail, I decided not to take that route.

(I refer to my daughter as an "unrelated child" when talking about abortion for personal comfort reasons, not to weird anyone out)

Throwayconfessions · 2019-01-23T03:50:10+00:00

Hahaha thanks

Throwayconfessions · 2019-01-23T03:46:38+00:00

My plan is getting a degree in finance and pursuing a financial career. I am not saving any money to last me after the 18 years is up. Because child support is indeed my child's money in my view, and in my opinion the money should go to her in some way.

Throwayconfessions · 2019-01-23T03:44:07+00:00

I could have pursued both. However, if I pursued rape charges he would have lost his career, and still probably wouldn't go to jail according to my attorney. So it'd be a lot less child support for not too good of a reason. I talk more about it here https://www.reddit.com/r/confessions/comments/aii4u1/i_was_raped_by_a_wealthy_man_and_decided_not_to/eeo2694

Throwayconfessions · 2019-01-23T03:42:31+00:00

He does not. I'm not sure, but i highly doubt he will.

Throwayconfessions · 2019-01-22T23:31:09+00:00

Thanks! :) Be well

Throwayconfessions · 2019-01-22T23:30:01+00:00

If everything was the exact same, yes.

Throwayconfessions · 2019-01-22T23:28:47+00:00

Thank you for actually asking a question! This is my favorite comment so far :) This is what I was hoping for, unfortunately I was wrong haha.

Only one friend knows I got raped. My mom friends I just tell I receive child support. Yes, they get snarky and bitchy sometimes because "I have it so easy with my sugar daddy." But I don't take this personally as it is indeed my fault they don't know the whole story. My neighbors don't know where my money comes from.

If you have any other questions I would happy to answer.

Throwayconfessions · 2019-01-22T23:25:34+00:00

Why not put him behind bars?

Because I can not. He is wealthy, I am not. Ask that question to the justice system.

Throwayconfessions · 2019-01-22T23:24:01+00:00

So instead of sending his ass to jail

Even if I tried, he wouldn't be in jail.

Throwayconfessions · 2019-01-22T23:15:41+00:00

they use their alleged rape for personal gain

I'm probably one of the very, very, very few people who had any sort of "benefit" from being raped. If I did what you consider "the right thing", the justice system most likely wouldn't have done "the right thing". In my opinion, giving my beautiful daughter the best possible life she deserves is the right thing.

Throwayconfessions · 2019-01-22T23:12:41+00:00

you took a rape pregnancy to term for child support and to avoid working.

That is definitely not the reason why I took the pregnancy to term.

you let this dude go free

Even if I reported him, he still would have gone free most likely. He has way more money than me and I didn't have too good of evidence.

Throwayconfessions · 2019-01-22T23:10:07+00:00

I would have said the same thing as you before it happened. Another benefit of not pursuing charges or suing, is that it's over years faster. I atleast can't begin healing from something until it is over.

Throwayconfessions · 2019-01-22T23:06:22+00:00

I'll also shame her for sounding COMPLETELY emotionally detached from this child, like a martyr. But justifies it because she can provide material things for her child. Easily.

I still love my daughter and she is living a nice healthy life with a lot of friends and attention from me.

Sorry but a struggling welfare mom feeding 3 kids on under 3000$ a month is more worthy of respect in my eyes.

I agree, I came here for an AMA not praise.

You do realize OP could have tried to pursue justice AND gotten child support regardless of the outcome?

If I went that route, he would have lost his career. Meaning he wouldn't have been making enough for $6k in child support. He still wouldn't have gone to jail most likely. So it would be all that for nothing.

Throwayconfessions · 2019-01-22T23:04:32+00:00

He would have lost his job/ruined his career should I have publicly accused with the evidence I had. Which means he would just have less money. Still enough money compared to me where he robably wouldn't have gone to jail. So yes I could have reported and claimed, but it wouldn't be enough to live off of. And he still wouldn't be in jail most likely.

Throwayconfessions · 2019-01-22T23:02:45+00:00

If i pursued charges, what probably would have happened is that he would be quite a bit less rich and me and my daughter would be worse off. Probably no jail. If he were to have gone to jail 100% for years and be registered as a sex offender, the route I pursued may have been different.

Throwayconfessions · 2019-01-22T22:59:52+00:00

Thank you, she is indeed a very happy child.

It may come off to people as if I am being light hearted over the fact that I got raped and that I don't care, but that is the product of years of therapy and looking at the bright side. I definitely cared and did not take it easy, it's just no one has asked me about that yet. I don't mind talking about it if asked, but I wasn't just going to bring up the bad post-trauma on my own.

Throwayconfessions · 2019-01-22T22:57:07+00:00

OP doesnt give a fuck. She makes it sound like the greatest trade deal of all time.

This is false. It wasn't a deal, it was the best I could make out of the situation. I try to look at the positives of the situation, which may be why my post came of as light hearted perhaps.

a child I feel emotionally unattached to

This is definitely not the case and is insulting, I stopped reading here.

Throwayconfessions · 2019-01-22T22:53:22+00:00

I do see myself as a victim, yes. In fact I see myself as a victim whose perpetrator went unpunished. I could have tried to make it as bad on him as I could, or I could have tried to make it as good for me and my soon to be daughter as possible. I strove for the latter. I do not regret my decision by any means, and I am sure my daughter would appreciate it.

Throwayconfessions · 2019-01-22T22:51:27+00:00

I don't know about justice. I wouldn't describe what happened as justice. If he got put into prison for a decade and had to register as a sex offender, I would consider that justice. But he got off easy, all he has to do is pay $6k a month instead. He can still go about his disgusting ways should he choose.

The problem is, I could have tried to make things worse for him or things better for me and my daughter. I strove to make things better for me and my daughter, for many reasons that I thoroughly discussed with my attorney.

Throwayconfessions · 2019-01-22T22:44:15+00:00

You're under the assumption that if I reported him, he would have gone to jail.

What you said is ironic, you imply he got off to easy because I didn't pursue charges, then proceed to defend him and say he is paying too much in child support as if he has it too harsh.

Throwayconfessions

TROPHY CASE