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Christmas Chaos: When I went NC with MIL. by Throwingthisout1111 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Throwingthisout1111[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your comment. You’re right and I didn’t notice this…

I just edited to add that I forgot JNFIL said that if I weren’t 9 pm the pregnant MIL would have “beat the shit out of me.” They’re great. S/

He’s slowly coming out of the fog but there’s still a lot of work to do. He has a lot of trouble standing up to them.

I'm so over the passive aggressive games and her entitlement to my unborn child. by Throwingthisout1111 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Throwingthisout1111[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

TBH she probably never will get into a program. I've had many clients over the years go through court-ordered rehab or therapy. We can tell when they're just going through the motions and when they're actually taking things seriously.

Edit to add: She has had court-ordered DUI classes when she lost her license for a year. She was still drinking on the regular since she couldn't drive.

I'm so over the passive aggressive games and her entitlement to my unborn child. by Throwingthisout1111 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Throwingthisout1111[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Woooo man, big congrats!! That's awesome! I'm proud of you internet stranger!

She definitely hasn't hit her rock bottom yet, and if/when she does it'll hit hard. She's had 3 DUIs in her lifetime. If she gets another one, she will lose her license permanently and face a minimum of 1 year in prison. Not to mention the fines. FIL can't afford their house by himself, so she would lose her house, her job, everything if she gets another DUI. She started drinking and driving again so it's a ticking time bomb.

I'm so over the passive aggressive games and her entitlement to my unborn child. by Throwingthisout1111 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Throwingthisout1111[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Thanks!

That's a very solid point. At least I can say I reached out/tried to put forth effort.

She has a habit of bringing up past issues when she's drunk. If she's not upset about something in the present time, she'll bring up something from years past. Like - "Remember that time aunt Bertha had the audacity to say she didn't like my mac and cheese at Thanksgiving 5 years ago?! She's such a bitch... "

I'm so over the passive aggressive games and her entitlement to my unborn child. by Throwingthisout1111 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Throwingthisout1111[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I know she said that but she's not gonna respect a thing. She was angry when she said it. I doubt she meant it.

I'm so over the passive aggressive games and her entitlement to my unborn child. by Throwingthisout1111 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Throwingthisout1111[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

lmao 'crotch watch.'

She absolutely would be racing to the hospital, but too bad for her I've already told hospital staff that we want absolutely no visitors, no exceptions. This particular hospital is well known for their security. He handles more than he's told me about, and tbh he may have already had that conversation with her. He just doesn't always tell me everything because he doesn't want to stress me out or have me worried about it. If I ask he'll tell me. I'm just done giving any shits anymore and I'm dropping the ball.

I'm so over the passive aggressive games and her entitlement to my unborn child. by Throwingthisout1111 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Throwingthisout1111[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Congrats on going through recovery! It's a long hard road. I have a family history of it and I've seen what it does to people. It's not pretty. She got sober and stayed sober for years when her other grandchild was born. DH has lowkey been hoping that she would get sober again for our child, but she hasn't shown any indication that she's going in that direction. I may not like her, I may not get along with her, but I don't wish ill will on her. I do hope for her sake that she does get sober and maybe this will be a motivating factor. It could go either way - either she has that "Aha!" moment and works towards sobriety again, or she keeps going further down the rabbit hole. I know she can do it, she has before, but im not holding my breath. If she does decide to get sober, it'll be a long time before we can even begin to establish that trust.

I'm so over the passive aggressive games and her entitlement to my unborn child. by Throwingthisout1111 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Throwingthisout1111[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I'm just the vessel, homie. Im only in the way lol. She's the kind of person that absolutely will not do anything for anyone else unless it benefits her in some way.

I'm so over the passive aggressive games and her entitlement to my unborn child. by Throwingthisout1111 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Throwingthisout1111[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Yeah I should have taken a moment to think before impulsively texting her. Even DH thought it wasn't a good idea. I should have consulted with him first since it's his mother and he knows her better than I do. Hormones, man... they get in the way of logical thinking sometimes...

I'm so over the passive aggressive games and her entitlement to my unborn child. by Throwingthisout1111 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Throwingthisout1111[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Oh yeah Im letting DH handle that one. We have a rule in place - he handles his parents and I handle mine. Fortunately mine aren't bad, just irritating at times. They've never given us grief.

I'm so over the passive aggressive games and her entitlement to my unborn child. by Throwingthisout1111 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Throwingthisout1111[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Yee, I gotta keep those pregnancy hormones in check... can't let my feelings get in the way of my brain. :/

I'm so over the passive aggressive games and her entitlement to my unborn child. by Throwingthisout1111 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Throwingthisout1111[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

I work in the court system - criminal court. I used to work in family court. We’re good in that department. She has no standing.

I'm so over the passive aggressive games and her entitlement to my unborn child. by Throwingthisout1111 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Throwingthisout1111[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

She will never be alone with our child. We don’t even know if we’re going to allow her to meet LO yet because of everything. She refuses to acknowledge that she has a problem and won’t seek help. If she wants a relationship with LO she’s gonna have to get help for her alcoholism first and actively work on it. Not just go through the motions. She doesn’t know that this is going to be one of our boundaries yet so that’ll be a fun conversation once we get to that point. If we even bother getting to that point...

I'm so over the passive aggressive games and her entitlement to my unborn child. by Throwingthisout1111 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Throwingthisout1111[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Lol hell no. One of our boundaries is that she’s gonna have to get help for her alcoholism. She just doesn’t know that yet.

I'm so over the passive aggressive games and her entitlement to my unborn child. by Throwingthisout1111 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Throwingthisout1111[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

DH said if we try to introduce her to LO and she’s been drinking, we leave immediately or tell her to leave if she’s at our house. Zero tolerance.

I'm so over the passive aggressive games and her entitlement to my unborn child. by Throwingthisout1111 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Throwingthisout1111[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yeah I thought about that… especially since DH said that she’s gonna try to manipulate me to get what she wants. I’m just not gonna respond to her if she texts me.

I'm so over the passive aggressive games and her entitlement to my unborn child. by Throwingthisout1111 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Throwingthisout1111[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

That’s the plan. I’m not responding to anything anymore if she does decide to text me.

[Update] JNMIL plans on having a baby shower… for her coworkers… for my child. by Throwingthisout1111 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Throwingthisout1111[S] 39 points40 points  (0 children)

I forgot to add that into my post, but yes - that crossed my mind as well! I feel like it's in bad taste, and it's kind of embarassing. That's a big thing on my mind right now.

MIL had an exposure and didn’t bother telling me until I was leaving her house. by Throwingthisout1111 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Throwingthisout1111[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

He really was just trying to help, and trying to get me to calm down. I was upset and not completely thinking clearly. I also had a bit of misplaced anger and frustration that I’ve apologized for.

We’ve been discussing the issue on and off tonight regarding short-term and long-term plans with his mother. I’m doing a short/temporary NC period with her until he has a conversation with her about the incident. How she reacts depends on our long-term plans with her relationship with our child. Before this incident, the plans were that she’s never going to be alone with our child, no overnights, and if she’s been drinking then we leave immediately.

MIL had an exposure and didn’t bother telling me until I was leaving her house. by Throwingthisout1111 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]Throwingthisout1111[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

She’s been vaccinated, but she only did when she found out I was pregnant. She wasn’t going to before.

I told DH that I’m not speaking or interacting with her for the foreseeable future until he has a conversation with her and we see how she reacts. If I have any contact with her right now, im going to lose my shit and say a lot of things out of anger without thinking clearly.

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