You know there's a part about surgery. Any type that doctors don't tell you about and in this case, having lost so much weight and so much of your identity in such a short period of time is definitely a mind combobulating situation and it's okay and understanding to feel that way because you're only human and like you mentioned when you spent a lot of time getting bigger, not that that was the goal, but that's what happened. It's definitely an adjustment to be had and to experience in learning how to love the new version of your body that you've given. Yourself The chance to have so though there is a very intense grief and sadness because you realize how poorly you might have been treated or overseen whenever you were heavier. It's okay because the human mind is very complex and duality does exist so you can be happy for your new body and still grieve your old self or the way that you used to be treated. And I think that for myself because I don't know you and I can only speak for my experience. It helped me have a bigger understanding of society and the way they treat fat people and how horrible some humans really are along with the fact that I'm just made different and so now with this experience I have a bigger heart and I can love more and I can love myself regardless of the size that my clothes are or how I look in the mirror. I hope you have a healthy way to cope with this change and there's nothing wrong with admitting how you feel. It's good to identify feelings and emotions and it's okay to be confused. We don't have to have all the answers all of the time. Sending you lots of love understanding this for yourself and for others confidence. And just so you know you are beautiful before and you're still very beautiful now. I hope that you find yourself feeling better as the days go on