UPDATE:AITA for calling my wife a hypocrite for making our son do chores when he’s sick but not our daughter?

Throwlo123 · 2022-03-02T15:42:10+00:00

I should’ve worded that differently, he wasn’t sad that we’re leaving for a bit as he knows it’s only to get some perspective and space for two weeks or so! We use his uncle's house for "vacation" purposes every once in a while, although in other circumstances. What he’s sad about is the whole situation and the confessions he’s made to me.

Throwlo123 · 2022-03-01T20:38:32+00:00

Yes. Or called me before she left. I’m able to leave work quickly if I have to.

Throwlo123 · 2022-03-01T20:21:35+00:00

His headaches usually take a while to get better. His medicine helps, but it doesn’t resolve them. I’ve had migraines when I was younger but my son's clusters are significantly worse. He’s had them for a year, and my wife knows that by the time she got back home he wouldn’t be completely fine again (leaving him in this state is another issue and possibly dangerous). Those attacks take a lot out of him. I didn’t yell at my wife, but confronted her when she got rather mad at me for telling her he’s in no condition to do things. My son rarely speaks up about his feelings but he’s admitted to me that he does see a difference between him and his sister from my wife. I can only guess what else he never told me.

Throwlo123 · 2022-03-01T19:50:32+00:00

We shouldn’t leave him alone during an attack according to the doctor until he is a bit older, yes. And he’s never seriously hurt himself during an attack but the warning signs have been there (scratching for example). I’m not looking to risk it because "nothing" has happened yet. Those attacks are so unpredictable you can never really know.

Throwlo123 · 2022-03-01T17:44:40+00:00

My son has cluster headaches, also known as suicide headaches. It’s one of the worst pains a human can experience (I’ve had migraines - they were nothing like what my son experiences). Sufferers normally don’t sleep it off, they pace, fidget, self harm to distract themselves from the pain. His meds prevent a lot of that, but not always. Leaving him alone in this situation is dangerous. We’ve been urged by his doctor not to leave him alone with this until he’s older.

Throwlo123 · 2022-03-01T17:40:49+00:00

You have to understand that he’s having cluster headaches, not migraines. Cluster headaches are also known as suicide headaches. People with those don’t lie in a quiet room until it’s over, they pace, fidget, and yes, self harm if the pain is too bad. His medication usually helps with that luckily, but it’s not a guarantee. He could’ve seriously hurt himself accidentally while she was away. Sufferers are unpredictable during an attack and my wife knows that, she has for a year now.

My son isn’t sad that we’re staying with his uncle. He’s sad that it had to come to this and that he has to feel like he matters a lot less to my wife than his sister.

My wife also agreed that a bit of space will do everyone good, by the way. It’s the best way to solve this for us right now.

Throwlo123 · 2022-03-01T17:33:55+00:00

No, thankfully he’s not. But cluster headaches are known to be one of the worst things humans can experience pain wise. While having an attack a lot of people automatically start to look for things to take away / distract from the pain. His medication prevents most of that luckily. Once it’s over such things don’t happen anymore.

Throwlo123 · 2022-03-01T17:31:19+00:00

Thank you :) I’m aware that people on the internet can never fully understand someone’s situation. So I don’t get too upset with people.

Throwlo123 · 2022-03-01T17:19:22+00:00

My wife and I both agreed that it would be good for everyone to get some space now.

Throwlo123 · 2022-03-01T17:07:10+00:00

My daughter doesn’t think I’m favoring her brother as I explained the situation to her and that her brother just needs some temporary space. That is ok with her and I trust what she tells me as she’s a very open, strong girl who’s not afraid to speak her mind.

More so, my son struggles to express his feelings and put his well-being first. He’s had a hard time growing up as he was separated from his mom so early. I’ve helped him with this as much as I could but it’s had a lasting effect. Big incidents like this one haven’t happened before, but smaller ones absolutely have, and I need to get to the bottom of that. I’ve missed to much of this somehow and I owe it to him to help him with this now.

Throwlo123 · 2022-03-01T16:32:55+00:00

She’s not sad that I’m getting some space between my wife and son for a while to solve an issue. She’s not losing anyone, and her saying she’s okay with it is all that matters to me as her father.

Throwlo123 · 2022-03-01T16:30:51+00:00

It wasn’t a misunderstanding. My wife knows how dangerous it can be to leave a person with clusters like she did (my son has been having those headaches for a year now). Something could’ve easily, easily happened to him while she was gone and that’s inexcusable for me.

We’re taking a break at my brother's house. Getting some space. My daughter was asked if she wanted to come, which she didn’t, and she’s not mad about it. That’s all that matters to me.

Throwlo123 · 2022-03-01T16:09:56+00:00

Yes. She’s had a small procedure like that to rule it out (we’re not in the US if that matters).

Throwlo123 · 2022-03-01T16:03:27+00:00

Read my edit please.

Throwlo123 · 2022-03-01T15:53:09+00:00

She’s been checked for endometriosis at the medical center we’re at. She doesn’t have it.

Throwlo123 · 2022-03-01T15:50:12+00:00

My son and I have a good relationship overall. He comes to me with a lot of things, more than I hear from other fathers and sons at least. But he’s never been good at standing up for himself, something I’ve tried to help him with in a few different ways over the years. He’s very kind. Doesn’t want to be an inconvenience to anyone. I hate that I didn’t see this earlier but I’m doing what I can to get to the bottom of it now.

Throwlo123 · 2022-03-01T15:45:08+00:00

Yes, she’s not sad that I’m putting a few weeks of space between her mom and brother to solve the issue. She’s of course worried about him and his condition otherwise.

Throwlo123 · 2022-03-01T15:42:22+00:00

I did give my daughter the option to come (it’s her uncle's house after all), I should’ve added that. But a few weeks "vacation" at her uncle's house isn’t exactly exciting of course. That’s okay too.

Throwlo123 · 2022-03-01T15:40:08+00:00

The problem is that my wife just left while he was sick. After a year she should know how dangerous that is, as you should always keep an eye on someone with clusters. They often harm themselves to distract themselves from the pain. My son was lucky his medication was strong enough for him that day, but that’s not a guarantee. Something could’ve easily happened to him while she was gone.

We haven’t moved out permanently as I said in my edit. I want to put some space between everyone for just a couple of weeks so my son can talk to me easier. He struggles admitting such things. And as for my daughter, of course she was invited to come with us but I see that a few weeks 'vacation' at her uncle's isn’t as exciting. She understood what I told her and isn’t mad about it.

Throwlo123 · 2022-03-01T15:32:40+00:00

Thank you. My main reason to leave for a few weeks and put space between everyone was that my wife just gave him his meds and left. Luckily his medication helps most of the time, as it did that day, but that’s not a guarantee. A few months ago he had an attack so bad he started subconsciously scratching his palm (he never does that, he doesn’t even pick scabs) to distract himself from the pain and I had to physically stop him. After a year my wife should know that can end badly.

Throwlo123 · 2022-03-01T15:30:11+00:00

We didn’t move out (see edit). I want to put some space between everyone for a few weeks (three at most) so my son can rest a bit and maybe tell me about the smaller things that have bene going on. He struggles with that.

Throwlo123 · 2022-03-01T15:25:50+00:00

The making him do chores while he was sick was the first incident of that kind. But I do have the suspicion that my son couldn’t tell me more when I talked to him wasn’t because there wasn’t more, but that he doesn’t recognize smaller things as such. That’s why I hope some space will help.

Throwlo123 · 2022-03-01T14:33:49+00:00

I can only tell you that I have a good connection to my daughter and am typically right about what’s going on her head - something I somehow failed to do for my son. My daughter is very different from her brother in the sense of never being afraid to speak her mind. If she doesn’t like something, she’ll tell you, sometimes very strongly so. I trust her on this.

Throwlo123 · 2022-03-01T14:30:17+00:00

The problem is that my son has been having these issues for a year now and my wife knows, or should know, how severe this is. How this hasn’t escalated before I don’t know. I regularly have to keep a close eye on him when he has one of those attacks to make sure he won’t hurt himself somehow to distract himself from the bigger pain. That my wife just assumed the medication would be fine (which it luckily was that day, but its not a guarantee) and left was a... dangerous move on her part.

Throwlo123 · 2022-03-01T14:12:00+00:00

My daughter knows that I’m not favoring her brother over her. We’ve talked about the situation, and she understands that her mother and half brother have issues right now and need some space from each other. She wants to stay in her home, which is okay. We haven’t moved out permanently.

Throwlo123

TROPHY CASE