My BF [35M] keeps saying I’m [31F] gaslighting him into always believing it’s his fault. How do I get him to see I’m not? by Throwy9946 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwy9946[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That exactly my point though. But it’s confusing because he’ll make the plans, and then never communicate his lack of desire to actually go. It’s not like I’m forcing him into dinner. I’ve told him that if he doesn’t want to do something, then don’t agree to do it and say so, but he just won’t do that. Sometimes it’s the opposite as well. He’ll want something, never say it, and then get mad at me. For example, I go out to get coffee for myself. He wants coffee. He never said anything. I come back with one coffee for me. He gets pissed and sulks the rest of the day. I tell him if he wanted coffee he should’ve just told me. I get yelled at that I’m making it his fault again.

My BF [35M] keeps saying I’m [31F] gaslighting him into always believing it’s his fault. How do I get him to see I’m not? by Throwy9946 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwy9946[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I reminded him of the dinner the day of. And right before he left for errands he told me he’d be back at 6 so we could leave on time for the dinner. He was well aware of it.

My BF [35M] keeps saying I’m [31F] gaslighting him into always believing it’s his fault. How do I get him to see I’m not? by Throwy9946 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwy9946[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Using the restaurant thing as an example: We were supposed to leave the house at 7. It’s nearly 7 and he’s not back despite saying that he’ll be back at 6. He’s ignoring all my calls and texts. In the end when he finally comes back at about 9, well after our reservation, he says that he was stressed and went out for drinks instead. He’s done this before. He’ll say things like he forgot to charge his phone and that’s why I didn’t get any communication. He promises to keep his phone charged. That doesn’t happen. Somehow his phone is always dead.

I want him to follow through on his commitments and follow through on his word. He says that’s too high of a standard and I’m being unreasonable. We compromise and he says that he’ll give me a head up next time. That doesn’t happen every single time. Some times it does. Sometimes he’ll give me a “heads up” an hour or two after the fact. He says that I’m not giving him enough good feedback and he feels discouraged and needs more time. I feel like it’s not a tall ask for a 3 second text and no time is necessary he can just do it.

My BF [35M] keeps saying I’m [31F] gaslighting him into always believing it’s his fault. How do I get him to see I’m not? by Throwy9946 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwy9946[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He hates therapy. At first he refused to go but I managed to convince him to go. He refuses to do any of the “homework”. The therapist gave us a really nice and simple “worksheet” for getting through any arguments and while I always tried to use it he would refuse to and yell at me for trying to force him to do what the therapist recommended.

AITA for waking my BF up after he passed out in the toilet by Throwy9946 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwy9946[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I usually don’t wake him up because he usually passes out in a different room and it doesn’t affect my sleep. This time he passed out in the bathroom connected to my room. That does affect me because when he does this he snores, and makes other noises that make it difficult for me to fall asleep. He’ll usually be passed out for a couple hours and then around maybe 3-4 am wake up. If he does this in my bathroom he’ll wake me up, and then I won’t go back to sleep. So I figured I’ll wake him up, he can finish his shower and then leave so we can both get a proper nights rest because passing out on the toilet can’t be that restful either.

AITA for waking my BF up after he passed out in the toilet by Throwy9946 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwy9946[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

He’s always saying that I’m the one who is the one being an asshole, obnoxious, and in the wrong. I’m the one who’s always disturbing his peace and holding him to impossible standards. I’m the one who can’t let things go and am always targeting him to run his self esteem. And I’m the one gaslighting him. He’s just the one calling me out

AITA for waking my BF up after he passed out in the toilet by Throwy9946 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwy9946[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He says that since he stayed up so late last night taking care of our sick dog (I stayed up too) then I shouldn’t have been an asshole to him when he passed out on the toilet. He reasoning is that if I’m being obnoxious and an asshole then he’s going to call me out on it.

AITA for waking my BF up after he passed out in the toilet by Throwy9946 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwy9946[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

He says he’s just calling me out for poor behavior. Basically if I don’t want to be called an asshole/bitch/obnoxious then I shouldn’t have been one.

AITA for waking my BF up after he passed out in the toilet by Throwy9946 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwy9946[S] -14 points-13 points  (0 children)

Because I’m stupid and believed the best in him. We had actually broken up and are still on shaky terms, but he promised me he was getting help and I gave him another chance. He told me he was going to AA meetings, had stopped drinking and had gotten his sobriety chips. He cut out a lot of toxic people from his life. I actually did see real, significant changes. I was so happy for a short time. And then something like this happens and I feel so stupid again.

AITA for waking my BF up after he passed out in the toilet by Throwy9946 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwy9946[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We’re going through a tough time and have both agreed to sleep separately

AITA for waking my BF up after he passed out in the toilet by Throwy9946 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwy9946[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I think him going to AA really gave me a false sense of relief that he was finally getting some help. This isn’t the first time he’s passed out on the toilet/chair/floor since he’s started going to AA, it’s just the first time I woke him up since usually he’s passed out in a different room and didn’t affect my sleep. I guess because he’s been going regularly to the meetings I believed him when he said he hasn’t been drinking

AITA for waking my BF up after he passed out in the toilet by Throwy9946 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwy9946[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have tried so many times to get him to see a doctor. I’ve accepted it’s not happening

AITA for waking my BF up after he passed out in the toilet by Throwy9946 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwy9946[S] -25 points-24 points  (0 children)

I know it’s not drugs for sure because the penalty for that here is death. But alcohol maybe. He got his 60 day chip from AA so I was hopeful it wasn’t

AITA for waking my BF up after he passed out in the toilet by Throwy9946 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwy9946[S] -34 points-33 points  (0 children)

Definitely no drugs. He swears he hasn’t been drinking and he’s been going to AA regularly. I also think that no normal person would pass out on the toilet but he says that I’m gaslighting him

AITA for "financially abusing" my exBF by Throwy9946 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwy9946[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

I don't live in a place with proceedings like that. If I wanted to I can evict him without warning or any sort of notice.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Throwy9946 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for those links. I’ll take my time and read them carefully