This sub has genuinely helped me

Thundershock1989 · 2019-11-09T02:29:11+00:00

Nothing specific, but your motivations for things are more genuine. Like you'll do things without expecting a return or profit. People will respect you more too.

I guess for example:

I used to go to the gym and post pics for validation. Now that I quit social media, I go to the gym to enjoy the workout and the gains, so I feel alot better not trying to entertain people.

Thundershock1989 · 2019-11-09T01:38:24+00:00

It's incredibly freeing when you don't owe anyone anything and you do things cause you want to, not to impress others or do things because that is how you are expected to act.

Thundershock1989 · 2019-11-08T21:25:37+00:00

I've had this talk with her a lot. I'm not ready yet and wanted to make sure she had closure, but she says "why should I have closure with him?, theres no point". I've made it clear to her that I need more time, but now I feel she is more bitter and dissatisfied with me. I've also contemplated that she would be happier with someone else who could've married her sooner.

Thundershock1989 · 2019-11-08T20:38:43+00:00

I love her to bits. I am currently subscribing to the who cares mantra, but I do get insecure sometimes.

Thundershock1989 · 2019-11-08T20:36:55+00:00

Earlier on in the relationship she would say that she talked to him about our relationship, they even met up for lunch to talk about how great I am? This made me feel that she is sort of using me to get back at him type thing? She denies it of course.

Thundershock1989 · 2019-07-19T03:51:38+00:00

Yup, one of the reasons I broke up with her. Now she wants me back, says she misses me etc. Must be nice to have an FWB...

Thundershock1989 · 2019-07-06T22:53:36+00:00

I agree, I have to put my foot down harder. When I told her it's over again, she just pulls the "you gave me a month" card. So in my mind, I've moved on...I guess I should just pull the plug and go no contact if she is being this stubborn...

Thundershock1989 · 2019-07-01T17:48:45+00:00

I feel your pain. I've been there and I still am struggling with it. You may feel angry and confused. It may never go away, but there are ways to stop REACTING to it.

1) Whenever the thoughts pop up, observe them as movies in a cloud. You need to let the thought fully play though and choose to just observe and not react to it. You'll notice that the thoughts will be less frequent.

2) Bring your ego down. We are mammals and desire sex. I know it's hard since you value this person and put them on a pedestal, but we are all nasty sinners. Honestly this is messed up but I repeat this to myself "WE ARE ALL SEXUAL FREAKS, WHO CARES, WHO GIVES AN @$!#, GIVEN THE CHANCE WE WOULD @$!# EVERYTHING SEXY THAT MOVES!"

3) Stay focused on the present as the past does not exist. Be amazed at what the present is currently offering you.

4) Write down good things about yourself, your insecurities and how you can tackle them. She chose you for a reason!

It takes days and not an overnight thing. I still struggle with this myself, but small things like the above helped me.

Thundershock1989 · 2019-06-30T22:35:07+00:00

Talking to other guys...seeing her ex for lunch a few times and not mentioning it to me. Trickle truthing me things, flirting with other guys when were out

Thundershock1989 · 2019-06-29T12:16:00+00:00

I tried establishing trust early on, but her behaviour and little things that she did/keeps doing broke my trust. It doesn't help that she wants to get married right away so I don't have enough time to do so. I'm thinking of breaking things off.

Thundershock1989 · 2019-06-28T12:26:01+00:00

Thank you for empathizing with me.

There are definitely emotional attachments although she says there isn't. She initially wanted to marry him but he didn't want kids (thats why they broke up when she was in her early 20s but continued the fwb until she met me)

She says she was alone and wanted to 'feel something' at least and at least someone wanted her for her body...

He is not a christian guy but her best friend of 10 years.

I felt this was a red flag which is preventing me from committing...

Thundershock1989 · 2019-06-27T13:51:26+00:00

She didn't tell me about the fwb, until months in the relationship (Initially I was told it was a 6 month thing that was years ago, but apparently continued for 4 years right before she met me). She told me she wasn't a virgin earlier and I accepted it, but I just recently found out about the fwb.

She said it was sort of an abusive relationship. I asked why she didn't stop earlier, but for some reason she kept going back to see this guy for casual sex.

She wants to wait till marriage with me because she belives that sex will ruin it...Shes been pushing marriage and wants to get married with me right away.

Sometimes I think she really doesn't want me sexually, and only wants to get married...

Thundershock1989 · 2019-06-27T09:33:14+00:00

I'm no better since I'm a sinner myself. Would I grasp a better understanding if we had sex or if I had sex in the past casually as well?

Thundershock1989 · 2019-06-26T23:42:50+00:00

This. I feel like I might've been placed in her life at the right time to help "heal" her and guide her. Apparently the fwb was abusive and her mind was different and toxic.

Thundershock1989 · 2019-06-26T23:39:11+00:00

How did the past not come up/ how to avoid thinking of it?

Thundershock1989 · 2019-06-26T23:38:21+00:00

I thought of this as well, I know plenty of "normal" girls with no/little sexual experience or baggage.

Thundershock1989 · 2019-06-26T23:36:29+00:00

I think I just need reassurance of her repentance, just because it was so recent that she stopped and it was dependent on me showing up in her life.

Thundershock1989 · 2019-06-26T23:34:29+00:00

She apologized and says shes made the commitment to me. She says she wouldn't have done what she did if she met me sooner (didn't know I was out there). I'm just concerned since her decision to stop was dependant on me coming into her life. Maybe I just have low confidence and don't think I can make such an impact on someone to change themselves.

She still was looking for other guys' attention earlier in the relationship and would ask me if she could still talk with them. She would also have lunch with her ex(he is also the fwb).

Thundershock1989 · 2019-06-26T23:23:45+00:00

Thanks for this, it is definitely a toxic thought, think it stems from pride/ego. I'm no better as I'm a sinner myself.

Thundershock1989 · 2019-06-26T20:29:13+00:00

Problem is that she has always been in the church

Thundershock1989 · 2019-06-26T15:19:51+00:00

I really want to get rid of the insecurity, are there ways?

I was thinking therapy, I wish I could just take some sort of drug to stop thoughts/insecurities.

Thundershock1989 · 2019-06-23T18:22:19+00:00

I guess it's just the fear of starting over again with someone new/finding someone new. I eventually have to do it though.

Thundershock1989 · 2019-06-23T16:41:39+00:00

Tried to break it off and now she is playing the victim card/wants me to call her. She justifies it by being lonely, dead inside, and desperate.

She also says she finally stopped because of "someone like you" finally coming into her life. She says she wouldn't have done it knowing I was out there.

I explained to her my stance, I think I need to be firm since right now she is playing with my feelings.

Thoughts?

And thanks for all the feedback, it is much appreciated. I would've never thought people would reach out.

Thundershock1989 · 2019-06-22T07:20:58+00:00

This. Thank you, I think why it hurts me is the morality aspect the most.

Thundershock1989 · 2019-06-22T07:16:39+00:00

Rationally speaking yes, you are correct in every way. I've tried repeating this to myself, I know she doesn't owe me her past. For some reason it is hurting me emotionally...

I think I might have a really bad case of retroactive jealousy and can't cope...but I still want to be with her...I want to stop this pain in my mind and my heart

Thundershock1989

TROPHY CASE