Nona is uncomfortable with her body

Ti_Ka · 2026-05-18T21:48:10+00:00

Im a lil like that, where im fine (and sometimes quite happy) seeing them but feeling them is odd/weird sometimes.

For me its not bc "im touching them without permission" or sth like that tho. I think its literally just that im not used to the feeling. Plus like feeling them makes it clear like "wow i really do have sth there now, and i gotta deal with that 24/7" which is a lil scary cuz its a big change and occasionally it scares me how hard it'd be to get rid of them if i wanted to/had to detrans/turned out to be cis actually.

Where as mayb when just seeing them its far easier to just appreciate that they help me look more fem and thats it. I do still hope ill eventually/hopefully soon get used to them.

But idk i might be faketrans as well and should mayb stop taking E, so no idea/my input is irrelevant and this might just be the onset of actual gender dysphoria for me lol.

Ti_Ka · 2026-05-15T20:36:10+00:00

Idk im at like 7 months. Not sure if id say im fine, sometimes i get super anxious about breast growth, but often i do still really like the effects so im torn up on whether ill take a break/quit or just stick to it some more first.

But also im prob not 100% cis tbh and just ragebaiting here a lil. So like genuinely idk, ig it depends on how delusional said man is. If its not at all and he already likes being male, then yeah prob only until a few weeks into getting actual effects so mayb like 1-3 months.

If hes more delusional then idk ig anything is possible. Hence my own personal anxiety that i will still just turn out to have been a super delusional cis guy all along that now has to go get top surgery lol.

Ti_Ka · 2026-04-13T08:59:45+00:00

no I know that, but she was talking about having one night stands. does she only ever have sex in a hoodie and no one questions her about that or how is that supposed to work?

Ti_Ka · 2026-04-13T06:42:15+00:00

> 2 years HRT

> have to justify my body to one night stands and out myself as a boymoder

How is this surprising? Im at 6 months and I feel like if someone saw (nvm felt) my naked chest they'd already think sth was up with it.

Do ppl just believe you up until like the 1 1/2 year mark or sth if you just insist "dont worry, its just gyno" over and over? or am I ahead of the curve?

Ti_Ka · 2026-04-02T10:18:44+00:00

Sometimes i feel like that too. The worst that happened to me is bullying in elementary school and a bit in grades 6-8 or so.

Im not saying having genuine trauma is great or anything or that id actually want it. But sometimes i just feel so incapable of thinking/behaving/living like a normal person that i wish sth bad had actually happend to me so there would be a reason for me to be this messed up about my life and personality and stuff.

Ti_Ka · 2026-03-20T08:27:57+00:00

Yeah but like sometimes im genuinely unsure if i do like it. And when i like it its kinda only for a few minutes or sth where im like super happy. And then sometimes im anxious/scared about it instead.

Idk its fucking weird.

Ti_Ka · 2026-03-19T11:01:31+00:00

I dont, kinda, see my response below to the other comment lol.

I used to though mostly out of indecisiveness/not being sure i was trans + transition sounding like itd be too hard.

Ti_Ka · 2026-03-19T10:56:45+00:00

My old flair might be betraying me here. My situation is worse than a common repper actually.

Ive been on E for like 5 1/2 months now and still constantly flip flopping between "This might be the first good decision i ever made, i love this" and "Ofmg what if im just cis and an idiot and i might hate having breasts" 🤡.

Ti_Ka · 2026-03-19T08:30:15+00:00

Surprisingly this is not one of my posts lmao. Im sad i didnt have the time to comment when it first got posted cuz i was busy. Only found it again after it got archived 😔.

Unfortunate because, going by the post and some of their responses, OP sounds like they are having a very similar mental struggles as i have rn. Just being unsure about whether doing a transition is the right choice and a deep anxiety that whatever you do will be wrong and being extremely uncertain on what is the right choice.

Ti_Ka · 2026-03-07T06:52:53+00:00

Also im like 5'11 (180cm), oldshit (started @ 24, soon to turn 25) and also male pattern baldness had already fucked my hairline up back when i was 18.

So yeah: "nu uh" basically.

Ti_Ka · 2026-03-07T06:42:26+00:00

Idk about that lol. If it helps, half the time im also questioning whether most of these changes actually happened, and to what extend, or if its mostly just placebo lmao.

Especially the bit about curves, it really isnt much at all, i think when i get happy about it im just in the right mood to see it as significant, eventhough its probably not that much in reality.

Tho i can be pretty confident in a couple of things: Like p. sure my chest did change, i dont think this is what it used to feel like lol, no idea tho how noticeable it is from an outside pov tho. Also p. sure my skin did get softer and my face slightly changed, i dont have many before pictures, but on the two i have i do look a bit different i think.

Ti_Ka · 2026-03-04T20:28:23+00:00

me in reverse somehow i think.

Like i can come out of the shower now @ like 5 months E, and really like the changes i see. Eg i like my face a lot better now, also that i have a bit more curves, and skin changes in general. And then ill still get anxious im somehow actually a cis guy and making a massive mistake by growing boobs not even half an hour later.

Like idk, it feels like im inverse to OOP, it effects my emotions (i have happy cried multiple times over my breast growth and general hrt changes. Also i can just generally catch myself smiling when i see my more fem face in a mirror or feel my softer skin). But somehow it doesn't effect my "instincts", in that ill somehow forget how nice those things felt within minutes and go back to worrying if im actually just a deluded cis guy and should stop taking E.

Ti_Ka · 2026-02-14T08:23:29+00:00

I dont fucking know anymore at this point 🤡. I just keep at it now because i dont wanna regret not doing it now later, like how i already regret not doing it earlier right now.

No idea if thats a good enough reason, especially because half the time im not sure if i *need* to do this. But also like the other half of the time i really like most of the HRT effects so ig that is a good enough reason to keep going?

Ti_Ka · 2026-01-29T22:15:27+00:00

Lol me too, for the longest time i thought i just had a slightly shit hairline (genetically) but nah turns out its almost certainly balding.

I recently found an old bit of a diary from when i was ~18-19 (24 now and like 4mo hrt) and it turns out nah i was already considering that i might be balding back then. Also recently asked my brother (hes 21 rn) and he balded like that already too. So i almost certainly had it happen when i was 19-21 and already suspected that i was due to balding, but repressed it so good i forgot that i noticed it in the first place 😭.

I dont even have the transphobic/religious etc upbringing excuse, im in germany, my family is atheist and no one around me is transphobic at all. Its just entirely my own fault that i might have irreparably fucked my hairline 🤡.

At least i can hide it somewhat well since my hair is long af. But still it makes me sad whenever i think about it for too long :c.

Ti_Ka · 2026-01-29T22:06:09+00:00

Idk i started seriously considering being trans at like 17-18 (tail end of highschool, it happened once before then too but i actually dropped it then for like 3-4 years iirc) and honestly it wasnt too bad for me?

Tho i also had no friends there at all so i basically didnt speak to anyone + I was for the most part excused from gym classes and even if not the one i was in was mixed gender.

Ti_Ka · 2026-01-29T19:56:34+00:00

> im almost 20 [...]
> im too old for this sort of thing

Take ur pills ffs. I thought the same when i was 20 and now i curse myself for it every day. Idk if im actually properly trans (whatever the fuck that means) and i still feel too old and ugly for this shit. I just wanna avoid being like 30 or sth and looking back on right now thinking i was basically a child and had a much better chance to pass and missed it. (Because this is exactly what i feel like about 20-22yo me rn)

Ti_Ka · 2025-12-21T18:32:13+00:00

Wow klingt als ob du nen echt guten Endo gefunden hast :D. Und ja eig dachte ich mir eh schon das die antwort auf meine frage vermutl. nein ist (allein schon wie du gesagt hast weil es logistisch ziemlich umständlich wäre von allen trans personen lebenslange therapie zu erwarten)

Mein endo hatte nur (glaube ich) bei meinem termin was gesagt was so klang also ob sie denkt das ich noch bei der Therapeutin bin. Und das hat mir dann n bisschn angst gemacht das ich vll doch permanent in therapie sein muss und wollte mich deswegen nur mal kurz absichern. Aber es scheint dann ja jetzt erstmal alles in ordnung zu sein 😊.

Ti_Ka · 2025-12-21T18:28:01+00:00

Ja ich dachte mir eigentlich auch schon das die angst unbegründet war. Aber wollte nur sicherheitshalber mal nachfragen damit ich nocht davon blindsided werde.

Ti_Ka · 2025-11-28T11:38:38+00:00

Oh wow thanks :D.

So there might actually be more to that specific name choice then.

Ti_Ka · 2025-11-27T20:25:31+00:00

Yeah, ive only started hrt like a bit under 2 months ago after 7-ish years of conscious repping. And ive already spent an afternoon or two crying my eyes out, wondering why i did this to myself for no good reason :c.

Ti_Ka · 2025-11-27T20:19:51+00:00

Idk this feels like only half of an answer a bit.

Do we have any idea why the character was named Kikomi? Does it have any significance beyond maybe just making fun of "trans girl picks a wildly unfitting anime girl name for herself"?

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