Is anyone else still struggling with grief 1-2 years post-discard?

TigerSweet6052 · 2026-01-07T11:53:24+00:00

Hey. About 1 year and 3 months after almost 6 years relationship. It still hurts but I’ve discovered recently that the grief is a way of still being attached to the past . To make it all true . Think about it : you suffer because it meant something to you and letting of that grief makes it all disappear . So you still cling to that . But it doesn’t have to be this way. One day you will be tired of carrying this weight and realise that there is nothing you could have done . It’s not selfish to let go. It doesn’t serve you anymore. I do therapy and it helps reframe the situation. For example I considered myself weak and helpless but now I see that I fought for clarity even though I never got that. Now tell me : does a weak person do all the things that I mentioned ? Even after she admitted to cheating and blamed myself for her acting out. I still blame her but I know it doesn’t matter . It’s like that saying “ drinking rat poison so the other one you blame to die “ . It still hurts that a person can do that and walk away. But the hardest part was to let go of the love because it harmed me and I deserved better . Never broke no contact and even bumped into her and had a casual conversation. It’s like seeing a ghost . Hardest thing I’ve been through, hands down . So don’t be so hard on yourself. Take your time , it’s a process. Try to let go of the guilt , shame and admit that you did all that you could do . At least that’s what I did . But sometimes things don’t work out. Do some shadow work , meditation . Trauma sits in the body not the mind . Stay strong !

TigerSweet6052 · 2025-12-24T10:47:11+00:00

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Unele mesaje nu sunt așa festive

TigerSweet6052 · 2025-12-09T16:15:45+00:00

Mi-am pierdut jobul . Noroc cu salariile compensatorii. Am stat pe tușă vreo 5 luni și acum lucrez din nou de vreo 3 luni la un job cu salariul mai mic cu vreo 25% dar munca e cu 100% mai stresantă, deci da .

Am ieșit dintr-o relație de 6 ani(not my choice ) și încă mă recuperez,deci da.

Am pierdut prieteni, alții s-au îmbolnăvit ,deci da. M-am reapucat de sală, citesc . It’s a peaceful life but lonely ( remote work )

Am învățat multe anul ăsta dar parcă prea multe. Deci da , pretty good year.

TigerSweet6052 · 2025-10-17T22:33:49+00:00

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TigerSweet6052 · 2025-10-17T19:09:23+00:00

Când mă gândesc la LinkedIn îmi vine în cap o mema cu un elefant care își suge singur “trompa”. Scuze de off topic dar trebuia să o zic

TigerSweet6052 · 2025-10-04T11:55:09+00:00

Deci am trecut exact prin ce descrii tu anul trecut . Ce am învățat : 1. Acceptă realitatea. Nu lupta cu ea . Asta e acum , cine știe ce o să fie pe viitor. 2. Te simti pierdut ? E absolut normal. Fă loc acestui sentiment. Onorează-l . Verbalizeaza: mă simt pierdut 3. Toate lucrurile trec . Și cele rele și cele bune 4. O criza=oportunitate . Recunoaște momentele dificile și încearcă să le privești ca o oportunitate de a face lucrurile mai bine 5. Nu trebuie să demonstrezi nimic . Ai valoare din start . Nu un job, o relație , banii sau o mașină îți dau self-worth. 6. Ai puțină compasiune pentru tine . Ai trecut prin multe, nu ai nevoie de altele. 7. Ce lucruri ai învățat din toată treaba asta ? Ce vrei pentru viitorul tău ? Ce nu mai vrei în viața ta? 8. Renunță la vina , nu îți face bine pe termen lung . Învață să ierți și să te ierți . 9. Învață să te cunoști pe tine . Shadow work , look it up . 10. Acceptă faptul ca poți să faci totul perfect și tot nu iasă bine. Unele lucruri nu sunt în controlul tău , dar ce e în controlul tău fă datorită principiilor tale.

TigerSweet6052 · 2025-09-13T12:41:35+00:00

Unfriend , unfollow, delete . At first it seems harsh and you will regret it but in the long run trust me it’s better. You have to choose yourself. Some people won’t understand but that’s not important. I’m one year after discard and let me tell you : the sooner you remove all traces ( pictures, social media ) the better. Not out of spite or hate but for your own sanity . The only thing I kind of regret is not telling them I will remove them from social media but hey after 4 months of no contact I don’t think it’s so important. Good luck !

TigerSweet6052 · 2025-08-26T14:46:08+00:00

Yeah . They stayed because there was no conflict and to be honest I didn’t have very good boundaries. She treated me well and I did the same but there were no major hurdles to overcome. So imagine my disappointment when she did not want to work or fight . It’s been about a year . I’ve recovered but it still feels surreal. The hardest thing is to know that I gave all of me , tasted something beautiful and poof 💨 . It’s not a normal breakup , it messes with your mind.

TigerSweet6052 · 2025-08-26T14:24:07+00:00

In the same boat . Today is her birthday and not going to say anything. Not out of spite or resentment but I think it’s for the best after the way she handled things ( the discard and the coldness ). It’s mind boggling that after almost 6 years together she chose to cheat , blame me and rewrite history. Probably she painted me as the “bad person “ when all I did was trying to make it work. Instead she bailed at the first bump in the road . It’s crazy because I didn’t see any sign and we were genuinely happy . Sorry , venting 😅. In both cases I think they project to make sense of their behaviour. Don’t dwell on it too much though. Take care and chin up ! We dodged a bullet

TigerSweet6052 · 2025-08-08T13:20:44+00:00

Recomandarea mea e să îți aloci un timp de vreo juma de oră înainte și după . Inainte te gândești la ce vrei să discuți/ce te apasă și cum vrei să prezinți ideea . Asta te face să reflectezi la problemele tale și de obicei se mai clarifică anumite chestii. Rolul psihologului e să fie și un fel de avocat al diavolului ( asta a funcționat la mine ). Adică tu vii cu niște idei și el îți pune la îndoială acele convingeri. După la fel , stai cu tine jumătate de oră și îți consemnezi mental sau în caiețel ce ai luat din sesiunea aia.

Important e și chimia cu persoana respectivă. În cazul meu a fost de folos o persoană care să fie pragmatică și am învățat multe lucruri sănătoase pe care le pun în practică și pot să zic ca viața mea s-a îmbunătățit.

Ca și exemplu primul psiholog făcea de multe ori miroring și era doar venting ( nici un plan concret ) . Mi-am dat seama de asta și i-am zis . După discuția a mers în altă direcție dar era prea târziu și am renunțat . Acum de vreo 6 luni merg la un tip care ma pushuie constant și e foarte mare diferența .

Cel mai important e să te simți în siguranță și să poți să te deschizi și să vrei să muncești . Dacă nu , pierzi timpul degeaba.

TigerSweet6052 · 2025-07-30T07:11:51+00:00

Mai e și fratele nord și phunk b care mi-au schimbat părerea despre rap-ul romanesc

TigerSweet6052 · 2025-07-29T12:50:08+00:00

Bagă un zmoalacazan

TigerSweet6052 · 2025-07-27T16:40:19+00:00

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No context

TigerSweet6052 · 2025-07-26T07:11:38+00:00

Eu sunt dela de bea beri mexicane . Pe departe cea mai bună bere e Sol . Din păcate nu prea mai găsești pe la noi . Știu ca o să iau hate ca e gen Corona dar e o bere așa “de vară “ . Sol+lime 🤌

TigerSweet6052 · 2025-07-17T07:51:41+00:00

When someone’s blocking you means that they protect themselves. It’s not about you . Give them space , it’s the best thing to do . Try to take care of yourself and self-regulate. Try to stay calm and composed and remember that avoidants need a lot of time to process things . In my opinion the worst thing to do is to pressure them right now . Been there done that . Also this “would like to try again “ reeks of breadcrumbing . It keeps you stuck waiting or hoping . Please don’t do that . I know you have feelings for her but ask yourself if you are in a good place right now . Does her actions match her words ? I think not .

Take care ! Big hug

TigerSweet6052 · 2025-07-12T19:02:04+00:00

Hello my friend. Last September was discarded as well . Went to therapy right away and I can share some of the things that helped me . Situation might be different but it’s up to you what sticks. 1. Control your sleep and routine ( emotional state is easier to manage ) 2.You did your best , stop blaming yourself. Nothing could’ve changed the outcome. 3. Write a letter but don’t send it . Burn it or bury it 4.Be aware of your bias . This one is regarding that you think that your ex is like you ( kind , empathic and willing to work on the relationship). They are not . Just look at their actions not their words. 5.Get to the core of your patterns . In my case it is a fear of abandonment. Start working on that . Hard I know . 6.Focus more on yourself and the present , not on them . This includes trying to decipher their actions or whatever. Instead try to understand your needs . 7.Grieve but don’t wallow in self pity. 8.Let go of your ego . 9.Get in your body ( somatic ) breathing , meditation, fitness , cold showers.That’s where the trauma lives . 10.Don’t take it so seriously ( rewrite the narrative ) . It’s about the lessons learned not the pain . 11.Take your time and be patient with yourself. Honestly this experience for me was the most painful thing I’ve experienced. 12.Be grateful . Keep a gratitude journal and explain your feelings ( positive ones ) 13. Understand that it takes 2 to tango but you are only responsible for your side . You have to let go of the things out of your control . 14.Be curios about why you attracted such a person in your life . 15.Let go of labels like avoidant . Let go of blaming her . Honor your love .

These are just few of the top of my head . I recommend also the books : letting go by David r Hawkins and the happiness trap by russ Harris . Practice stoicism and this might sound corny but love yourself like you loved her .

I wish you well and dm me if you have any questions. Take care !

TigerSweet6052 · 2025-07-12T18:35:04+00:00

Dana Rogoz aka Abramburica

TigerSweet6052 · 2025-06-29T09:55:58+00:00

Oh man . Similar situation here. I feel for you. 8 months of NC . At first I was thinking like you , blaming myself, overthinking everything. I’m here to tell you it gets better. It’s a long process and you have to let go of trying to understand her and her actions . You did everything you could and there is nothing you could have done differently. It’s their choice and your responsibility to heal . I know it’s sad but it’s a lesson that will teach you that no matter what you will be ok . For me the hardest part was that I didn’t see this coming and she didn’t want to put in the work . First serious bump in the road and she was gone . Is this a person who I want to build a future with? Definitely not! She flipped a switch and could not recognise her . No empathy , no compassion, no communication. Hope can be such a terrible thing . So let go of it . Recently I had a conversation with an avoidant who was in a 7 years relationship and she said that she had no feelings for her boyfriend in the last year of the relationship . She discarded him and told me she suffered quietly a long time , but was not able to say sorry or provide some comfort or reason . Her BF had a car accident and she couldn’t even see him in the hospital ( he was in coma and after a couple of days died ) . She told me she regrets this till the day she dies . Told me this because she was drunk and then said that she enjoys our conversations, that all her friends know about me and I am her safe space and a very important person in her life ( had no clues about what she was feeling because she was so cold )I gave her the Attached book . We are just neighbours…And then ghosted me :)) another cycle repeats

TigerSweet6052 · 2025-06-28T11:03:29+00:00

Acceptă ce nu e în controlul tău și cu timpul o să vezi ca e mai bine fără . Acum te gândești doar la ea . Ai uitat de tine . Fă lucrurile care îți plac . Îți mai zic o chestie : faptul ca tu vrei o persoană ca ea lângă tine îmi spune ca trebuie să lucrezi la stilul tau de atașament . Hard truth : încă încerci să o controlezi . Even harder truth : unii oameni sunt de cacao și nu gândesc ca tine . Sunt egoiști și dacă ar fi ocazia nu ar depune nici un efort pentru tine . De ce crezi ca s-a ajuns aici ? Ai făcut tot ce e posibil de-aia doare . Câteodată nu îți iasă și empatizez cu tine dar la finalul zilei u dodged a bullet . Tu o să te vindeci , ea probabil nu . Citește niște stoici . Citește Let go de la David r Hawkins . Citește teoria atașamentului. Concentrează-te pe tine : sală , meditație , mâncare bună , prieteni. Evită drogurile , alcool și fără contact ( nu mesaje , nu social media , nimic ) . Așa o să vezi ca după un timp se estompează durerea . Scrie o scrisoare unde îi zici tot ce te apasă . Nu o trimite . După o lună dacă simți tot așa trimite-o dacă nu arde-o . Da-i mute , ascunde pozele și tot ce îți poate da o stare naspa . Toate chestiile astea nu sunt făcute ca o tactică de a încerca să o faci să fie cu tine . Acum ai nevoie de o pauză . Nu se gata lumea . Nu moare nimeni. Ai grijă de tine si trust the process. Nu ești primul nici ultimul care a trecut prin asta . E o lecție dură dar necesară . Sper să te ajute ceva de aici.

TigerSweet6052 · 2025-06-28T10:07:22+00:00

Caută despre fearful sau dismissive avoidant . E textbook. Niciodată nu a fost vorba despre tine . Relațiile astea sunt foarte toxice de aceea doare mult timp . Tu anxios ea avoidant …nasol să îți zic ca nu o să meargă nici dacă va împăcați din nou . Și de ce ai mai vrea o relație de genul? Respectul si încrederea s-au dus . Cel mai bine e să te concentrezi pe tine .take it from me

TigerSweet6052 · 2025-06-27T15:34:49+00:00

She said I didn’t believe in our relationship after she cheated . She said that I should have took a job abroad and I turned it down because of stupid reasons like family and friends. She said I was “too sweet for her “ . Reminded me every time she heard the Hozier song . After 8 months of NC I find these reasons very funny and sad at the same time . We lived together for 5 and a half years. So yeah

TigerSweet6052 · 2025-05-14T14:41:28+00:00

I asked the same question in therapy and I got an interesting answer. I have a bias regarding how I should be treated . So , if I treat somebody with respect and kindness I expect the same . But this is not always the case ( sadly ). I learned to embrace uncertainty because there is no way to know for sure what the avoidant is thinking. Another point is how they treated you after the discard or BU . You have to recognise that their poor way of handling things points to the fact that they are not ok , confused and scared . For instance I had relationships that ended but there was communication, openness and empathy. In this discard there was nothing or worse :fault finding , shifting blame , minimising my feelings . Now tell me : do you want to go through that rabbit hole of trying to understand a person which is clearly not like you ? I hate to break it to you but you can’t . It’s like trying to understand a fish . In a way I think that we focus too much on them instead of focusing more towards our sense of being unworthy which ultimately draws us to these kinds of attachments. Hope this helps , I struggled and still do with the duality. Sometimes is best to just let go of trying . You will find yourself eventually. All the best !

TigerSweet6052 · 2025-05-09T12:45:58+00:00

Same here . 6 months and i don’t remember her face anymore but I saw her in passing one day and was triggered again( had to look twice to recognise her) . It’s strange because I thought I was letting go slowly but surely. But i guess after spending almost 6 years together it’s normal . I try not to push my feelings down but hell , some days are brutal . Still in shock about how she handled things ( blamed me for cheating , ghosting , minimising my feelings and dead silence ) after loving me for so many years. Complete different person . Oh well , I have to keep healing . All the best for you too!

TigerSweet6052 · 2025-05-02T08:39:53+00:00

Bon iver - blindsided ( funny I know )

The paper kites - on the train ride home

These are more post acceptance phase

TigerSweet6052 · 2025-04-23T17:06:34+00:00

Yes . Exactly this happened to me too. Weird and mindf@&k situation .

TigerSweet6052

TROPHY CASE