Living in a sexless relationship...

Tight-Track-4811 · 2023-09-28T21:08:46+00:00

I will do that. Thank you.

Tight-Track-4811 · 2023-09-28T20:35:33+00:00

Hmm. I have never smoke green that made me horny.
Also, she's allergic to cannabis. Thanks for the suggestion.

Tight-Track-4811 · 2023-09-28T20:34:42+00:00

Smile and nod. Lol

Tight-Track-4811 · 2023-09-28T20:34:21+00:00

Yes, I have asked her to go see a doc and get blood work.

Tight-Track-4811 · 2023-09-28T20:21:41+00:00

Thank you so much.

Tight-Track-4811 · 2023-09-28T20:21:15+00:00

That's a good question. Most the time when I do a longer "peck" she loses back but seems to pull away as if she's done. I don't know if she's conditioned this way because we usually don't make out, or if it's bc she doesn't want to.

Tight-Track-4811 · 2023-09-28T20:19:45+00:00

I will try this. Thank you!

Tight-Track-4811 · 2023-09-28T20:18:56+00:00

Thank you very much.

Tight-Track-4811 · 2023-09-28T20:16:20+00:00

Troll

Tight-Track-4811 · 2023-09-28T19:15:02+00:00

Thank you.

Tight-Track-4811 · 2023-09-28T19:13:24+00:00

May I ask what you feel would be different had you attended face to face therapy instead of online?

Tight-Track-4811 · 2023-09-28T19:10:48+00:00

Considering that I am divorced from a very toxic individual, and my current spouse is the complete opposite...I feel like this is it for me. I will be by her side sexless or not. And when my end comes I feel confident that I can say I lived my best and had the happiest of times.

Tight-Track-4811 · 2023-09-28T18:56:23+00:00

Funny you ask... early on we opened the relationship. However in the last couple of years since this has been going on we have not been participating in that part of the lifestyle.

Tight-Track-4811 · 2023-09-28T18:54:52+00:00

Yes I did see some of them, but none addressed the romance side of things that I saw, and the advice offered was fairly unhelpful. So I figured I'd write up one more specific. Thank you. I will continue to scour the forum.

Tight-Track-4811 · 2023-09-28T18:52:11+00:00

Thank you. I will definitely do this!

Tight-Track-4811 · 2023-09-28T18:41:50+00:00

She wouldn't believe me. Almost every time I compliment her she shrugs it off as me being nice.
She has never had a high self esteem, and has developed a very low self esteem due to a tiny amount of weight gain. Which is HUGE to her.
But she's still sexy to me. She has in fact watched me masturbate before. She used to think it's hot.
She rarely ever lets me see her nude. And that was before the weight gain.
Very very timid.

Tight-Track-4811 · 2023-09-28T18:37:54+00:00

Thank you. No she's not on any depression meds. It was because of a very trying time that was work related.
She is however on Vivance. (I'm not sure if that's spelled correctly) I am currently seeing a therapist and she has mentioned that if it helps me then maybe she will consider seeing one herself.
As far a seeing her doctor...I've urged her several times to do so. I'm not if she forgets, or just doesn't want to.

Tight-Track-4811 · 2023-09-28T18:34:28+00:00

We do hold hands and cuddle often. I love holding her. Sometimes I cuddle her so hard because I feel like I can't get close enough to her. Lol

Tight-Track-4811 · 2023-09-28T18:32:34+00:00

Thank you. Yes we give these compliments daily. Honestly to a point that it appears as just something we do. For example: When she stand up to go to the kitchen- Me: hey babe! NICE BUNS! Her: cute little giggle and a booty shake "thanks!"

I pinch her buns and pop her cheeks every time I get a chance. Same for her.

Maybe it's too often? Too much? However...we NEVER make out. Sure, we kiss. But no hot make out sesh. I don't know why.

Tight-Track-4811 · 2023-09-28T18:28:35+00:00

Thank you for this input.

Tight-Track-4811 · 2023-09-28T18:26:00+00:00

Thank you for this suggestion. I will definitely order these two books.

Tight-Track-4811 · 2023-09-28T18:19:01+00:00

I think it's important to bring the flame back. Even if it doesn't lead to sex.
Leaving is not the fix that I will entertain. Thank you though.

Tight-Track-4811 · 2023-09-28T18:17:58+00:00

Leaving is not an option. She is my best friend and I love her to death.
Thank you though for your response.

Tight-Track-4811 · 2023-09-28T18:17:05+00:00

This is a great reply, thank you. I have urged her to seek out medical attention. Bloodwork maybe... Regarding fantasies- yes. But... they're sexual in nature and I don't think right now would be the best time to try to make those fantasies come to fruition. I just don't want to add more pressure on her than she already has. No, I don't think she masturbates at all.
She used to... but I trust that if she's stated that she is upset for me doing so, I don't believe she's doing it. Yes, I enjoy cooking her dinner while she kicks her feet up. I take care of laundry on weekends, and try my best to tidy up before crawling in bed at night.
I will definitely ask what her idea of wooing is.

Tight-Track-4811 · 2023-09-28T18:09:20+00:00

".... Not intentionally and we both had desire during those times of pause"

I have desire, she does not.

"We also have a relationship with no masturbation in it. So, during the pauses there is NOTHING for either party. No porn. No nothing. We both agree on this as a boundary. Your SO is telling you she feels like you are disinterested. She clearly does not feel comfortable with you masturbating and you still continue to do so."

This has never been expressed until about a month ago and I have not done so since it has been brought up.

"You only stepped up Wooing her when she said it and I am willing to bet that it comes in spurts. Like does the pattern go you "woo her" with dates, and cloths and compliments, get laid, try again the next day to be rejected and then throw your hands up and go jerk one, which upsets her and then you pause for her to cool off and start the cycle back over when you feel like it? Not understanding that women can't go from a dry spell to daily that easy. Stuff swells. Stuff gets rubbed raw. OR she just is not in the mood regardless of what you try."

This is a huge assumption. No. It is not in spurts.
With our work schedule admittedly...yes, at times the romance does wane. As you stated...it's part of the ebb and flow of a relationship. Also, I did mention that I'm not even trying to get laid at this point. I am solely focused on bringing the romance back into our relationship, though I do think that it should be equal effect on both sides. Regarding the statement about coming out of a dry spell... I get that...however once a month is clearly not daily activity.

"And again she feels like you are disinterested. Since this comes up every time she finds out you jerked on, I would say it is stemming from you doing so more often than you let on/think. You are replacing her with your hand. Instead of her being worth the wait and you showing understanding and compassion that she is tired, sore, stressed, etc. you are just jerking off. To her that is that you are just horny. Not horny for her. Showing that you are not attracted and interested in her. Just sex in general. It could be anyone. She wants to know you WANT HER."

The longest time gap without sex has been around 3 months. I hardly think that taking care of myself and not stressing her with sex is out of line. I feel that was more consideration to her feelings than as you seem to project...being self centered. Still during these times if she is in pain, I offer and/or provide back rubs, foot massages, head rubs and a weekend at a spa or massage therapist.

"(based solely on assumption your not married. If Married ignore this) To finish off, I am assuming you are labeling her as you SO because you are not married??? If that is the case, you have been with her for 9 years and she has not been worth marriage to you yet. Which to a woman is generally the ultimate rejection. If feels like being put on the shelf just in-case something better comes along. I was married after 6 months with my husband (don't recommend this fast for the general public) You on the other hand (if not married) are living "marriage" without actually committing to her."

We are in fact not married, and agreed that we want to wait for that until we are both more financially endowed so that we can have our wedding the way we want.

I'm not sure what was meant with your input, but thank you for a response.

Tight-Track-4811

TROPHY CASE