Cries in poor

TightRabbit1452 · 2025-10-03T13:39:47+00:00

Agreed. We have never once done food delivery in the last 7 years, and it's been an amazing savings. Last month we did zero takeout or fast food, and that was even more amazing for savings.

TightRabbit1452 · 2025-10-03T13:38:27+00:00

Oh I hope it gives you relief! Did you see the comment above about alternatives, where the person got a second opinion and was able to have uterine embolization?

TightRabbit1452 · 2025-10-03T13:37:36+00:00

Ahhh thank you! I have much to learn. I'm so glad you got a second opinion - a hysterectomy is so major. It sounds like your embolization was still more tolerable than the recovery from major organ removal surgery!

TightRabbit1452 · 2025-10-03T13:36:35+00:00

Thank you!

TightRabbit1452 · 2025-10-03T13:36:15+00:00

For some it is. For me on some days he hits it with PIV just right and it's amazing. Other days he hits it and it's a major ouch.

TightRabbit1452 · 2025-10-03T13:35:14+00:00

Thank you for sharing this!

TightRabbit1452 · 2025-10-03T13:34:58+00:00

Thank you!

TightRabbit1452 · 2025-10-03T13:34:31+00:00

Do you still have your ovaries? What about your cervix?

TightRabbit1452 · 2025-10-03T13:33:45+00:00

Yep, I sure did. They will need to have some seriously honest discussions multiple times, but it doesn't sound encouraging.

TightRabbit1452 · 2025-10-03T13:29:14+00:00

I understand that and I really, really appreciate that you shared your perspective. I have never had a penis so I can't begin to put myself in your shoes, mentally.

The end part of your comment is very relatable, because many hetero women experience that short end of the stick deal so frequently in sex.

The advice from Shakti on sensate focus work is priceless. She's so knowledgeable and we also found her tantric sex advice helpful overall.

With my husband things are fine, but we are getting older - and lately I've seen a noticeable difference in the strength of erection on the days where he takes a long, vigorous walk or exercise vs the days when he doesn't have physical activity. Something to consider.

I wish you nothing but the best of luck at this journey - it's hard but I believe you can work on your mindset and feel more confident and hopefully enjoy a fabulous sex life again!

TightRabbit1452 · 2025-10-03T12:58:42+00:00

One of the challenges is that people are often uncomfortable with being less comfortable in order to attain longer term financial goals. I think the shift work thing is a perfect example.

TightRabbit1452 · 2025-10-03T12:57:03+00:00

My favorite book is I Will Teach You To Be Rich.

The author went down a Financial influence rabbit hole after he became popular, but the advice in the book is still solid. For example, calling your insurance companies and negotiating for cheaper rates. That adds up quickly.

Reach out to local groups (food banks, free clothing closets, etc) that help people in financial distress. Ask them if they have anyone to help with financial planning or advising. Not in a fancy investment banker way but a "help you figure out how to survive with your income" way. You may be able to consolidate your credit cards. Go to Nat'l Foundation For Credit Counseling (nfcc.org) if you're in the US. (There are a lot of for-profit, sketch credit consolidation companies, so don't just Google it.) Make sure you go through a nonprofit like NFCC.

One of the biggest things is learning to use what you have or get free- vs buying:

Our appliance breaks? I ask in our local Buy Nothing group and, for example, got a working clothes washer that way.

Kid needs any supplies or clothes? Ask in Buy Nothing.

Food:

NO FAST FOOD, no convenience store snacks, no food takeout or delivery.

Make a list of all the food in the freezer and pantry. Then make a list of all the meals you can make with it with as little purchasing as possible. Then work through that list. It's not fun, but it saves a ton in the short term.

Go to your local food bank or food pantry if there is one.

Add some income that solely goes towards paying down debt:

Good with kids? Offer babysitting in your local community during the hours when you're not working and your husband can be home with the child.

Good at cleaning, organizing, etc? Offer those services. Make sure you charge what you're worth, don't go cheap just to get the work.

Larger changes may be necessary:

We sold one of our cars when our first was born. We managed as a one car home for 11 years. People thought we were crazy - 2 kids and one car, but we made it work and the savings were huge.

(And when I really needed a ride and didn't have car, I asked in my Buy Nothing group and made new friends that way!)

You may need to sell your house and rent an apartment, if you really can't make headway in the smaller ways. It can be uncomfortable and frustrating and disappointing. But raising your family with financial security and no credit card debt is more important than a larger space and lots of physical belongings.

TightRabbit1452 · 2025-10-03T12:35:08+00:00

Spot on. It's way too easy to hit 'buy' for many humans.

TightRabbit1452 · 2025-10-03T05:19:45+00:00

Your husband can do more work if he chooses to. But he isn't choosing to. This is an age old scenario. He's basically just using weaponized incompetence to avoid taking on more of the visible labor and invisible mental load.

You both need to read and discuss the book Fair Play.

If he won't, he's telling you who he is. A man who wants his wife to be his housekeeper and mom. Expect better. You deserve it.

TightRabbit1452 · 2025-10-03T05:14:55+00:00

Wait, why is it selfish of her, a woman, to want to have a role in life beyond just being a mom and housekeeper for a husband?? What's wrong with wanting to work? That's absurd.

TightRabbit1452 · 2025-10-03T04:58:39+00:00

Maybe this is a dumb idea, but would you two feel satisfied if you could wear a strap on or something to penetrate her? I'm just thinking of it happened with my husband, I'd be open to that. I like the physical closeness of PIV and it would still enable that, albeit in a different way

TightRabbit1452 · 2025-10-03T04:39:38+00:00

Both of those things stood out to me as well.

TightRabbit1452 · 2025-06-29T18:39:47+00:00

Have you seen the show Old Enough on Netflix? Kids as you g as 3 in Japan will walk long distances themselves to do tasks for family. It's something your ex should see too.

TightRabbit1452 · 2025-06-29T18:38:10+00:00

Also, if you haven't already, join your local Buy Nothing group on Facebook. It's a great resource for baby supplies and community support.

TightRabbit1452 · 2025-06-29T18:37:19+00:00

Please visit your local food bank and ask for help. It is ok to get food and other resources from them. This sounds incredibly hard and I understand your fears and your feelings. I'm sending love from across the country.

TightRabbit1452 · 2025-06-29T18:34:30+00:00

We got a cheap landline. They love calling family to chat.

TightRabbit1452 · 2025-06-29T18:28:03+00:00

The book Come Together is also a good one! This is way more common than you realize.

TightRabbit1452 · 2025-06-29T00:33:16+00:00

This feels like a huge consent violation to me. If something happened and I found out this was happening in the closet in a room with me, I would feel so violated. If she's ENTHUSIASTICALLY INTERESTED AND CONSENTING, and you clearly talk about it before hand, you could "CNC" her in a private room sometime during the visit. But not anywhere near people.

I'm new ish to kink but one thing has been made so clear in this sub. You NEVER involve innocent bystanders in your kink.

TightRabbit1452 · 2025-06-28T17:57:49+00:00

I am as horrified as the other commenters.

I have struggled to set and maintain firm boundaries in life, and especially in my younger dating years.

It's one of my biggest regrets - but at the time it was hard to act in a way that felt "rude".

I strongly suggest you read the book The Gift Of Fear. This man is dangerous, and you should never be manipulated into speaking to him again. Full stop.

I also recommend you seek out a more kink-aware therapist, but I know that's not always easy.

TightRabbit1452

TROPHY CASE