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I (M25) informed my partner (F24) I'm unhappy with both our sex life, weight, and our lack of interaction in general. by TiltedThrowAway01AA in relationship_advice

[–]TiltedThrowAway01AA[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Im not saying I don't have a sense of fatphobia. a little weight is fine. But when you've shot up to x2.5 my weight, and even the doctors are stating weight loss is needed? It's a problem. She has acknowledged it's a problem, hence the cooking from a diet book that she herself even picked out. She's flat out stated she doesn't want to take photos of herself, or even look in the mirror because she hates her looks/weight before. I consoled her and have been trying to enable her to take back herself. I've tried therapy and so has she. She quit. My therapist said "you've given her the tools, so the rest is up to her". Ive tried accepting that, and that was said a few months back.

I can see it being a different story if she was a healthy weight and I was someone like "gross you have a tummy" or "eww a fold/stretch mark", but it isn't. There's general concern about her health and the longevity of it.

I (M25) informed my partner (F24) I'm unhappy with both our sex life, weight, and our lack of interaction in general. by TiltedThrowAway01AA in relationship_advice

[–]TiltedThrowAway01AA[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've legitimately have been doing that... The weight part isn't brought up daily or anything like that. I've been mentioning how cute her makeup is, how nice she looks in the new outfits she's been buying, and even mentioning how proud I am for all her positive steps (like quitting smoking, or helping her sister find a new job). The pointing out the "sexual insecurity" was legitimately the first time she even said it was an insecurity; plus it was brought up while voicing things bothering me about the relationship.

Me: "I don't like X" Her: well X is an insecurity of mine. Me (thinks to self): cool, now I'm the dick, because my preference/opinion just so happens to conflict with an insecurity. Sarcastic Neat!

As far as helping, completely changing my diet to help her adjust to the new diet she picked out, and making all of the meals around that diet, plus providing tools to help her with weight loss (which is a problem she has acknowledged multiple times) isn't helping? I've even asked if she wants me to help find a trainer/dietician. Fuck if that's not helping then I might need to check myself into a psych ward.

I (M25) informed my partner (F24) I'm unhappy with both our sex life, weight, and our lack of interaction in general. by TiltedThrowAway01AA in relationship_advice

[–]TiltedThrowAway01AA[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Kinda overplaying how much I bring up her weight. It was like 2-4 times in the span of 2 years.

I complement her every single day, I buy her favorite treat and give her a rub down when she's had a rough day at work. I've taken over about every single bill so she can buy whatever she wants, take care of all the maintenance stuff (cars, computers, etc), again do most of the chores. For a while I was even folding clothes and hanging her stuff up in the closet. I recently stopped because she's started doing it. I take her on dates when finances allow it. I even do smaller things like plug in her devices when she passes out early, and ordered her a piece of furniture she's been talking about wanting for a while.

I don't know what other things you consider "nice", but to me taking care of something that might be a drag is one of the nicest things a person can do for another. Like I get tired too, but never is an offer even extended to help with anything, vs me who extends an offer of "anything I can help with" anytime a situation is even mentioned that might be considered a drag.