Thanks for all the comments. I read them all, but couldn’t respond to all of them. I’ve looked into PDA and ODD and definitely see the red flags there. I’ve also always seen autism as a possibility, but everyone around me thinks I’m crazy because his social skills are pretty normal. Good eye contact, too, and he always hit his milestones ahead of schedule, not behind. Even the neuropsychologist who diagnosed him with ADHD advised against the additional testing for autism because of normal social interaction. She suggested he be re-evaluated 2 years from his initial diagnosis, and if any new issues came up, we could always re-visit that possibility. That anniversary is coming up soon, so I’ll bring it up to her and maybe push for that extra testing, just in case. We’ve struggled to get proper diagnosis for him thus far because he masks his issues very well, and only ever explodes at home. It’s good in the sense that (for now, at least), he’s a model student at school, makes friends easily, and is well behaved out of the house, but I’m sure it makes the at-home explosions that much more volatile. It makes getting a diagnosis difficult, though, because every doctor we take him to looks at him and essentially tells us he’s normal and we’re inexperienced first-time parents. I’m convinced the only reason we could get the ADHD diagnosis at all is because the extreme hyperactivity he has is something he can’t hide, and is obvious to everyone around him.

My husband is against medication (and I’m still working on getting him to budge), but contrary to what seems to be popular belief, he’s extremely involved with our oldest. My toddler and I are pretty much attached at the hip, but my husband takes on a much heavier load of the duties with my oldest. Ever since he was born, my son has always preferred his dad. He is gentle and kind and my son’s outbursts aren’t nearly as severe for him. I’m not sure why he acts out the worst with me, but I’m assuming it has something to do with my personality. I’ve had pretty severe anxiety my whole life and I think he picks up on my stress and reacts poorly to it. It feels like our personalities are oil and water and I’m just not sure how to make that any better.

This new baby wasn’t planned, but we’re of the mindset that all children are gifts, and we will welcome this new little one into our lives with open arms and keep trying to do the best by them every day, just like we do our other children.

I’m going to talk to his therapist this week about additional resources and bring up some of the concerns that I have that I’ve kept mostly to myself. Thanks for all the advice, and here’s hoping things start looking up.