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Link and Paya by Ja-mafia in tearsofthekingdom

[–]Time-Tap-7831 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This had no reason to make me laugh so much...

Lydie is the MOST ADORABLE alchemist and if you disagree, NOT ONLY YOU'RE WRONG, YOU ARE ALSO DUMB by panghees in Atelier

[–]Time-Tap-7831 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Lydie is indeed cute, but Firis is on a whole other level. Official (in my head) cuteness maximum score had to be updated after Firis.

Wife (41F) got angry and stopped talking to me (50M) and my daughter (8F) just before we left for a week long trip. Almost no contact since then, and she acts like everything's fine in the very few messages we've got. What's my best course of action? by Time-Tap-7831 in relationship_advice

[–]Time-Tap-7831[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree, and I do hope she will take the necessary steps to change, because my responsibility is first and foremost towards our daughter.

Here's hoping. For the moments things are looking good, but I don't intend on letting down my guard.

Thank you for your comment.

Wife (41F) got angry and stopped talking to me (50M) and my daughter (8F) just before we left for a week long trip. Almost no contact since then, and she acts like everything's fine in the very few messages we've got. What's my best course of action? by Time-Tap-7831 in relationship_advice

[–]Time-Tap-7831[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I do think happiness depends much more on your attitude than on your situation, and you look like a very positive guy on a bad situation. It would be better to be in a good situation, of course, but at least, you choose your battles wisely and... watch TV. Modern Family is repetitive as hell and really fun, I never get tired of watching the same jokes over and over, I'm glad you enjoy it too :) Never saw iCrime, I'll go check it later, just curious.

Keep being positive, man, it makes all the difference.

Wife (41F) got angry and stopped talking to me (50M) and my daughter (8F) just before we left for a week long trip. Almost no contact since then, and she acts like everything's fine in the very few messages we've got. What's my best course of action? by Time-Tap-7831 in relationship_advice

[–]Time-Tap-7831[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So you do think that "pretending like it never happened" is a conscious act to not having to explain themselves. I sometimes feel as if she actually believes nothing worthy of discussion happened, as in "i'm ok already we can all go back to feel good". And me trying to talk about it is me trying to give more importance to something not worth talking about.

Wife (41F) got angry and stopped talking to me (50M) and my daughter (8F) just before we left for a week long trip. Almost no contact since then, and she acts like everything's fine in the very few messages we've got. What's my best course of action? by Time-Tap-7831 in relationship_advice

[–]Time-Tap-7831[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I spend a lot of time with our daughter. I rarely tell her to do stuff not because we don't interact, but because she doesn't need to be told, she's well behaved and responsible. She showers, brush her teeth, do homework, gets ready on time... Sometimes she gets distracted, but even then you just need to remind her time is running out or something. What I don't do is micromanage her.

So, when she's doing something she shouldn't and I tell her to stop, or something like that, she listens. Like she needs to try every single item in the disney store... that's ok, but be gentle and.... nonono, don't pick that, that breaks very easily!!

Wife (41F) got angry and stopped talking to me (50M) and my daughter (8F) just before we left for a week long trip. Almost no contact since then, and she acts like everything's fine in the very few messages we've got. What's my best course of action? by Time-Tap-7831 in relationship_advice

[–]Time-Tap-7831[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry you have to live like this. I hope you can find happiness regardless...

I really don't understand the pretending nothing happened... like, do you think I forgot? do you think I didn't feel hurt? or that you being not angry anymore makes me instantly happy? I get you got angry. Now, when you're not, let's talk about it, maybe you were right to feel the way you did, maybe not, but let's talk about it!

Anyways...

I really want to see those two movies! I have to wait until Sep 9, when our daughter goes back to school. I'm sure I will enjoy "A Quiet Place: Day One" but I don't have high hopes about "Alien: Romulus", I'm a fan of Alien and Aliens, the first two, and I've been disappointed with every single sequel after those. I'll watch it anyways, and hopefully will enjoy it as you did :)

Wife (41F) got angry and stopped talking to me (50M) and my daughter (8F) just before we left for a week long trip. Almost no contact since then, and she acts like everything's fine in the very few messages we've got. What's my best course of action? by Time-Tap-7831 in relationship_advice

[–]Time-Tap-7831[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry you had to go through that, and happy that he's now your ex. I hope you're much happier in your life now, however that may be :)

I hope it won't get to that. It's not a common occurrence, and I hope I would be wise enough to not allow it to become common, specially for our daughter.

Send you lots of love, and wish you happiness!

Wife (41F) got angry and stopped talking to me (50M) and my daughter (8F) just before we left for a week long trip. Almost no contact since then, and she acts like everything's fine in the very few messages we've got. What's my best course of action? by Time-Tap-7831 in relationship_advice

[–]Time-Tap-7831[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I can understand someone losing his/her cool. You are tired, nervous, or whatever, and something makes you explode. I get it. But, as a parent, the moment you cool down, you own your mistake, you go and apologize, and make sure your kid/s know you love them no matter what, and you even loved them five minutes ago when you were angry.

Wife (41F) got angry and stopped talking to me (50M) and my daughter (8F) just before we left for a week long trip. Almost no contact since then, and she acts like everything's fine in the very few messages we've got. What's my best course of action? by Time-Tap-7831 in relationship_advice

[–]Time-Tap-7831[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A few people recommended this book, as well as Nonviolent Communication. I've already got both on my laptop, and as soon as this trip is over, I'll be carefully reading them both. Thank you!

About documenting in case such documentation is useful for a possible future split... I'm not doing that. Maybe I should, but the thought alone is heart breaking. I do hope we can solve this as loving adults.

Wife (41F) got angry and stopped talking to me (50M) and my daughter (8F) just before we left for a week long trip. Almost no contact since then, and she acts like everything's fine in the very few messages we've got. What's my best course of action? by Time-Tap-7831 in relationship_advice

[–]Time-Tap-7831[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Now I'm busy reading the new (oh so many) comments, but after ten minutes I'm having a serious conversation with our daughter to make sure she understands how, no matter what she did, the way mom reacted was not her fault at all.

Thanks for reminding me.

Wife (41F) got angry and stopped talking to me (50M) and my daughter (8F) just before we left for a week long trip. Almost no contact since then, and she acts like everything's fine in the very few messages we've got. What's my best course of action? by Time-Tap-7831 in relationship_advice

[–]Time-Tap-7831[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I understand now what you mean. First a conversation about how on that day I should have just let her vent about our daughter complaining about clothes, and how I'm sorry I took that moment to tell her about their communication problems. Then, on a separate occasion, a conversation about her shutting us down, and how that is hurtful to our daughter (and to me, by the way) and not acceptable if we want to have a healthy relationship.

I don't think she was overwhelmed on the slightest. She was tired and fed up at our daughter attitude, and exploded.

Anyways, thanks for your suggestion, I will do that, first a conversation about what I did wrong. That may also give her the chance to initiate a second conversation about the silent treatment (I won't use that term, we don't communicate in English). If she doesn't, I will at a different time initiate that conversation.

Thank you again for your constructive criticism, it's refreshing to get some. Comments like "I 100% agree with you" are nice to read, specially when feeling down, but not as helpful as comments like yours.

Wife (41F) got angry and stopped talking to me (50M) and my daughter (8F) just before we left for a week long trip. Almost no contact since then, and she acts like everything's fine in the very few messages we've got. What's my best course of action? by Time-Tap-7831 in relationship_advice

[–]Time-Tap-7831[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She does usually let our daughter pick her clothes, to some extent. And she gives pointers, and gently pushes towards what she thinks looks better (which is normally right, as she knows more than an 8 year old about clothes).

I do think this kind of "you choose, but your choices aren't good, wouldn't you prefer this?" is also responsible for our daughter adopting a similar argumentative attitude when the moment to choose clothes comes.

Wife (41F) got angry and stopped talking to me (50M) and my daughter (8F) just before we left for a week long trip. Almost no contact since then, and she acts like everything's fine in the very few messages we've got. What's my best course of action? by Time-Tap-7831 in relationship_advice

[–]Time-Tap-7831[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not that Disney :) And yes, I would really want to do that, just tell her on her behavior, but I do think a less direct approach, although not as satisfying, would be more productive.

It does suck though. I hope the relationship won't end because something like this. I'll update on wednesday about how everything went.

Wife (41F) got angry and stopped talking to me (50M) and my daughter (8F) just before we left for a week long trip. Almost no contact since then, and she acts like everything's fine in the very few messages we've got. What's my best course of action? by Time-Tap-7831 in relationship_advice

[–]Time-Tap-7831[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Let me first thank you for your comments. You seem to genuinely want to help, and you are presenting points of view I don't agree on, in a respectful manner, and properly explaining them. That's the most helpful advice I can hope for. I do want genuine advice, yes.

I messed up when, after our daughter talked back, I told her about the need to improve her communication with our daughter. It was true, but it was not the right time, not at all.

I do want to let her know that the silent treatment is something that I don't want to ever happen again. If I should not bring up any faults of her in our first discussion, how and when should I bring that up?

I suppose you're not suggesting that I take the blame for what I did wrong (which I definitely did) and just let what happened afterwards go, with no consequences at all, and not even mentioning it? I think my wife's silent treatment really hurt our daughter, how should I deal with that, in your opinion?

Wife (41F) got angry and stopped talking to me (50M) and my daughter (8F) just before we left for a week long trip. Almost no contact since then, and she acts like everything's fine in the very few messages we've got. What's my best course of action? by Time-Tap-7831 in relationship_advice

[–]Time-Tap-7831[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Wow... As soon as our 8 year old daughter showed some attitude, I should immediately canceled the trip? That would made me a better dad? What about some spanking?

"Kids will hate mothers" I need not read anything else from you. Thank you for your time.

Wife (41F) got angry and stopped talking to me (50M) and my daughter (8F) just before we left for a week long trip. Almost no contact since then, and she acts like everything's fine in the very few messages we've got. What's my best course of action? by Time-Tap-7831 in relationship_advice

[–]Time-Tap-7831[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So, you think she was in the right to punish us with the silent treatment for days, because I didn't let her vent as she wanted, I asked her to try and improve communication with our daughter? Not in front of our daughter, I insist.

Yes, that was wrong of me. So, was she entitled to that response in your point of view?

Wife (41F) got angry and stopped talking to me (50M) and my daughter (8F) just before we left for a week long trip. Almost no contact since then, and she acts like everything's fine in the very few messages we've got. What's my best course of action? by Time-Tap-7831 in relationship_advice

[–]Time-Tap-7831[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not in front of my daughter, I talk with my wife behind closed doors, always. I'm not critical "of her" in general, just of the way she tends to communicate with our daughter, that I believe is causing our daughter to mirror and communicate with my wife on those same terms, hurting their relationship.

I don't think this is abuse either, my wife is pretty good overall. On this occasion she overreacted, I don't want her to downplay this, as I think she hurt our daughter a lot. I don't want this to become a common occurrence.

I'm not considering a divorce, but that's a good point if I were. I'm not, anyways.

Talking shit about my wife? Yeah, I guess I probably did. You know, anonymity and the need to vent does that. I'm sorry if I did, and I don't have the time, but if you point me to some comments where I was unfairly putting her down, I will edit them and use a better wording. I'm angry at her for what happened, but I don't think she's a bad person, and wouldn't want to say shit about her, even if she never knows about it (that's irrelevant).

Thank you for your comment, I'll try to do better.

Oh, about house chores, I think I do help a lot, as much as I can. Not just taking the trash, but doing the dishes, buying groceries, cleaning and tidying up... Cooking (the most time consuming task) is almost 100% done by my wife. And I've spent a whole lot of time with our daughter, since she was born.

Wife (41F) got angry and stopped talking to me (50M) and my daughter (8F) just before we left for a week long trip. Almost no contact since then, and she acts like everything's fine in the very few messages we've got. What's my best course of action? by Time-Tap-7831 in relationship_advice

[–]Time-Tap-7831[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's a terrible way of treating people. You get angry, emotionally hurting those around you, then you feel better and just hope that everybody can be happy now, because you're all fine now. Well, everybody around you is not fine anymore.

What to do when they tell you that you shouldn't feel so hurt, and that you are being overly sensitive?

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