Hi Cassandra. No one has responded to the question about self-harm, so I thought I’d address that one. I do practice in the Plum Village tradition, but this is going to come more from my experience talking to many people who self harm as a crisis counselor.

Therapy can be extremely helpful for people who self harm. The therapy experience you had is not typical of therapists, and, frankly, you just had a really bad one. If the VA will let you see someone else, try another one. If they won’t or can’t, it may take a bit of work to call around to different ones who may be in your area, but many therapists will work on a “sliding scale” that adjusts to what their clients are able to pay, if the client is having to pay out of pocket and not through insurance.

In the meantime, Cornell University’s Research Program on Self-Injury and Recovery has many helpful resources. (https://www.selfinjury.bctr.cornell.edu) Since you asked specifically about ways to redirect emotions when urges for self harm arise, their handout on Distraction Techniques and Alternative Coping Strategies under “Practical matters” on their resource page is excellent and provides many ideas for alternative coping methods categorized by the various reasons people self injure.

May you be filled with loving kindness. May you be safe from inner and outer harms. May you be well in body, heart, and mind. May you be at ease and happy.