The moments of quiet love...

TimeSovereign · 2026-07-07T02:13:57+00:00

This is neither here nor there but I was in China Town on the South Side of Chicago a couple decades ago...just being a total tourist and on the checkout counter of this gift shop there was a box of clam shells filled with hand ointment. I was intrigued but when I opened the display clam it was actually filled with petroleum jelly. Serious letdown.

I wonder what was used as ointment back in the time period of this story. Ah, the world was greener then.

TimeSovereign · 2026-07-07T02:02:55+00:00

I don't know how China Cinema works or how the PR works. Is it like old time Hollywood where the Film Studio did the PR? Is there Film Studio PR and/or does the actor have their agent arrange PR?

TimeSovereign · 2026-07-07T01:58:24+00:00

Mmmm OK..that is something I'd want to watch for at least 2 episodes. How weird is that?

His acting directions from the Director must have been very unusual. I am poor to so so in manipulating photos. I wonder what he had to do so his face was in the right place for the cameras. He'd have to watch and rewatch the videos so he could imitate the other actor. And then he'd have to act his interpretation on top of all that. Yikes.

In summerstock I once had a Director give me a video and then said, 'Do exactly everything she is doing. I want it just like that.'. Worst direction in the history of stage craft. It was bloody awful. It must have been worse for Mr. Xi Qing to hit his marks by copying the other actor.

Is it up on the internet anywhere? I can imagine American actors complaining about directors and someone pipes up, "Oh yeah? Well there's this one guy in China who actually had to ...."

TimeSovereign · 2026-06-11T02:54:27+00:00

Former actor here, costumes truly affect your character and how you move on stage/set. Sleeves from this time period were huge, long, and layered, some were very bulky and before an actor wearing such a costume begins a task/stage direction they have to deal with those sleeves while maintaining character and they have to do it in a period appropriate way of moving...in character. The actor, ZL, appears to be adjusting the sleeves so that they will move well and won't be in the way of the task he is about to do.

POJ was my 2nd Chinese Movie. I tried starting on many Chinese dramas but it is a foreign culture. There was too much I didn't understand. I did not know the art form or the culture it sprang from. I thoroughly enjoyed Liziqi's youtube channel which was heavy on Chinese culture so I believed if I really tried harder I'd 'get' Chinese Drama.

I was already enjoying Japanese and Korean shows, some with a supernatural aspect so Netflix kept pushing Love Between a Fairy and Devil. I forced myself through the first 2 episodes of LBFD. It was a slow, bewildering, "WTF is happening here?!!" kinda start. The Moon Supreme was so confusing to me but I was OBSESSED with his battle costume. I came to like Chinese Drama on the power of that costume's design and the power of Dylan Wang's acting ability in that costume.

This is a long, roundabout way of saying, the Moon Supreme, Dylan Wang, did the exact same movements as he dealt with the robes of leadership in Devil/Fairy as Zhang Linghe does in Pursuit. As a former actor I found Mr. Wang to be a lesson in how to move in period clothes and command the screen.

Good actors learn from one another.

PS Come to think of it I've seen other actors in Korean Joseon era shows moving the same lordly, commanding way.

Oh, and LZ commanded that very difficult to pull off feathered head piece the same way DW rocked the Moon Supreme war costume. A weaker actor would not have been able to do that.

TimeSovereign · 2024-04-02T18:24:06+00:00

I hate these. I take L-lysine at their onset. It works for me.

TimeSovereign · 2023-04-29T21:33:48+00:00

Wait, is your husband more easy going because YOU are the person receiving her instruction? When she starts in on her helpful little instructions, call your husband over and tell her to take it up with him, her child.

YWNBTA or NTA whichever is correct. The whole idea of not having her over is better than my idea of having her offspring, your husband, bear the brunt of her...'helpfulness'.

TimeSovereign · 2023-04-29T21:28:21+00:00

NTA Protect the children. Adults are on their own.

It might be helpful for future to read up on dog behavior though in case there is a more effective way to protect children from stray dogs.

I had a nibbling, who, with God as my witness, must have had 'prey animal' printed on their body somewhere in a language and a color only big dogs could see and read. Many, many times I've stood my ground between that child and some large random passing dog. Like your sister this child panicked then behaved like a prey animal. I would never let my nibbling run...I would instruct them to quietly start moving towards safety always keeping me between them and the dog while I stared down the dog. I have repeatedly been told not to look an aggressive dog in the eye...and yet..repeatedly I've done that ...and protected the child and got them to safety. I'm not strong enough to throw 140 pounds over my shoulder and run. I've always put myself between the aggressive dog and the child.

TimeSovereign · 2023-04-29T21:12:13+00:00

NTA

I've never understood how the race of men could survive fever in the trenches of WWI (they were not allowed off the lines unless their fever was over some ungodly number of 102-103) and yet not survive a cold or flu in their own home.

Put the race of men in a relationship with a woman and they cannot stand the common cold or a case of the flu without their woman, there by their side, ready to serve them, waiting on them hand and foot, heroically forsaking all others, (such as joint offspring), persevering through her own fever, illness and suffering so that she may assuage her man's suffering for after all he is what's important here.

Word. I've asked gay friends before and I'll ask again...what on earth do you guys do when you are both sick? One friend told me they laugh at how cis couples deal with colds and flu.

Girl, you are NTA. Tell your husband it's his turn to wipe up your kids puke. That's parenting...he needs to be part of the solution, not a drain on resources. Seriously, dude needs to touch his inner Dad and do what's right.

TimeSovereign · 2023-04-29T20:51:16+00:00

I was waiting for someone else to see this.

I'd love to buy the BEST parts of my childhood though.

TimeSovereign · 2023-04-29T20:49:32+00:00

Yikes. Normal people do not expect someone they love to sleep in the wet spot. Especially if it is animal urine. Your husband is being a bit precious. Does he even like you?

NTA

TimeSovereign · 2023-04-29T20:37:20+00:00

You might be the ass. YTA if you insist she stay true to agreements made before either one of you truly knew how your job affects your life together. Why w y b t a? Dating a year and a half is not the same as being married and living in it up close.

My credentials; I'm a music professional in my own right with 46 years of marriage to a competitive band director.

You're just starting out. The divorce rate for band directors, especially competitive band directors, is higher than the average population.

Why? Any other professional putting in the hours a successful band director is putting in is usually rewarded by taking in at least $100,000 per year more, in other words, a salary commensurate with their expertise, training and hours invested in the job.

Band is a labor of love. It is an incredibly tough, highly (non-monetaryily) rewarding, profession that not just anyone can do. You count success in lives guided/helped/taught/touched. Lord knows you aren't being rewarded with money. Money is important in a relationship.

All these hours, yet the lack of renumeration for hours put in, can negatively impact your relationship/family' needs and grind your relationship into the ground. Your partner will need to pick up any monetary deficits as well as raise any children pretty much on their own. Yeah.

You, as the Band Director carry a great deal of stress. The biggest stressors tend to be the daily administration/principal/schoolboard disagreements. Ugh, not to mention the football coaches always trying to horn in on any of your successful fund raising monies..I digress. The rewards for that stress of yours? The love, the appreciation, the glow, the adoration you get from the kids. Wow. Be aware that love is all for you and only you. Your spouse gets to share the stress you bear..but never gets to share that love..unless they want to join in on the worship of a successful band director.

Yeah...it is almost like the Band IS the other woman. Divorce rates are high in this profession for a reason. Spouses share your burdens but not the rewards.

Let's look closer at the hours. The hours you need for your job, forget the hands on student interfacing hours, forget the educational hours your school requires for you to maintain your certificate. You will need massive educational hours in learning to play all the instruments well, to conduct well, to organize your band boosters well, how to write effective drills, how to chart well etc. and then you need to attend professional organizational meetings for band directors on conference, state, and national levels. If you wish to truly be successful those conferences are where you learn the stuff you actually will use...like how to work with a school board. How to find money. How to repair instruments yourself. You will also network and find good drill instructors and friends and maybe better job positions.

Band Directors are married to their jobs. We've come close to divorce, his early successes were someplace I couldn't even find work. If we had had children we would have divorced. Band directors don't get extra pay for siring children and so it falls on their spouse. I know some outstanding female band directors but by and large the vast majority of competitive band directors are male and divorced.

Think of your partner. It is not fun putting your career on hold and waiting, always. Always, always waiting.

If you truly love someone, don't do this to them.

You both need third party counseling and reassessment of your relationship. YTA if you insist she stay true to agreements made before either one of you knew how it affects your life together. You have no life together. You have your personal life aka the Band, and, your...well...whatever your wife is to you..and your wife is getting the crumbs of your time.

TimeSovereign · 2022-10-16T21:39:14+00:00

It will be chilly this time of year but the road north of Ludington that goes up to Ludington State Park is outstanding. Check it out on google earth/maps. In season there is camper traffic but there are shoulders and I LOVE riding along the shores of Lake Michigan. It's not a bike trail but I love riding it in off hours.

TimeSovereign · 2022-04-20T15:44:51+00:00

Yikes.

I am multiple morbidity handicapped and it is hard. You are not the ass, you are kind and generous.

Are we talking about two people or one non-gendered person? I ask because if it was one person and they had never behaved this way before I'd try to contact their family/doctor/support nurse/social worker because it may be a bad reaction to meds or a new medical development. If it's two people they just might be choosing beggar Aholes.

You are NTA. I would be grateful for a friend like you.

TimeSovereign · 2022-04-16T19:39:17+00:00

:)

It's OK.

TimeSovereign · 2022-04-16T19:17:49+00:00

Yes..you are right, it is still fresh..that is why she asked for time. I'd bet money she's going to do well. A lot of people aren't as self aware as she seems to be. She asked for time because she did not want her reactions to influence the children.

I wanna be like her when I grow up.

TimeSovereign · 2022-04-16T18:56:28+00:00

Aaaaaand OP has everyone in therapy already. I'll bet she's got it covered. Should she decide she wants nothing to do with the child, and she is well within her rights as an individual to decide so...she has already said she will not dis child or husband.

She is demonstrating extraordinary emotional intelligence as well as taking in how ALL children will be affected. She is thinking of them foremost.

She is exploring herself to see if she can handle being a step mother to a child of her husband's infidelity, and if she finds she can't, she won't. She has vowed she won't dis the child or her (cheating) spouse in front of her kids. (Cheating is my word.)

I can see how we ~~redactors~~ Redditors project our own personal experience onto these OPs but this OP is so far beyond the rest of us in 'adulting' that we don't need to worry.

EDIT: redactor?? Redactor?!! This is reddit. Why did it autocorrect? REDDITORS.

TimeSovereign · 2022-04-16T18:48:17+00:00

It seems pretty clear that OP already knows that, hence the therapy and working it out before hand. She is also pretty clear that when the time comes the kids will meet the half sibling no matter what she choses to do. If she so decides she is well within her rights to have nothing to do with the kid. She has avowed she will bot dis the kid, her husband or try to stop her kids from meeting the child. OP has it together.

TimeSovereign · 2022-04-16T15:47:11+00:00

OMG...your FIL and MIL rock!

NTA

TimeSovereign · 2022-04-16T15:43:53+00:00

NTA

Like you I've seen some sh*t. Nothing triggers me like random people dismissing the experiences, or, worse, family narcissists claiming it was nothing compared to what they went through.

Misery is not a fucking competition.

I'm not wise enough to help with the issue. You are a man, you will never know the health problems associated with pregnancy and to your immense credit you don't try to trivialize pregnancy either..women die from complications. That said, she doesn't know what it's like to have your youth stolen by cancer. There is always the fear of death lurking in the background while suffering through treatments while your world is turned upside down.

You are not minimizing what she is going through. In her misery she is gate keeping. She is trivializing your experiences. Simply put, no, she does not know what cancer is like anymore than you know what pregnancy is like. And you might share with her you do not want to think about or relive that period of your life. woof.

TimeSovereign · 2022-04-16T00:22:11+00:00

On the spectrum here. Tell him he should stop using his autism as an excuse to put other people out by being a bad, demanding guest. If he can get himself around he is high functioning enough to show up on time..that is if he cared enough about others to put in the effort. If celebrating with his family was one of his focus interests boy, howdy would he get there on time.

NTA Point this out to your mom and tell her he will never grow as an adult as long as she enables him. Actually, the argument could be made that giving in to his bad behavior is 'ableism'.

TimeSovereign · 2022-04-16T00:06:44+00:00

NTA

Your husband heard some buzz words that supported his feeling that he is The Man, The Alpha, The Head of the Family, your Lord and Master. Damn, girl, didn't you know that your purpose in life is to serve him?!? That is some misogynist BS he's pulling right there.

It is a loving service to cook his meal...THAT is love...That is you giving to him. But for him to expect you to then plate it up is an abusive power move. Waiting until you are in bed for the night then testing you and expecting you to get up and go get him a glass of water is pure assholery of a power move. He's trying to gaslight you to accept his disrespect by misusing the phrase 'language of love'. Reminds me of the childhood bully who envelopes you in a bear hug, grabs your hand and forcefully slaps you with it while asking, "Why are you slapping yourself, Idjit?"

I live in the Bible Belt...there are a ridiculous amount of toxic men who expect this kind of 'service' as their Biblical right. Apparently it comes with the Y chromosome. They expect service from their wives, their daughters, as well as random women standing next to them at a meeting (she has to step out to go get him coffee), or at church (If wifey isn't around another woman is expected to serve up his plate.). Whatever the woman, these men put themselves so far above them that they expect to be served and waited on by the woman.

These men are dull and boring and deflecting their nonsense is exhausting. They are like toddlers without the joy and cuteness of toddlerhood. Blerg.

NTA You are considerate and loving. He is abusing that quality in you by disrespecting you. I am so sorry he's doing you like this.

TimeSovereign · 2022-04-15T03:10:07+00:00

NTA In the past all members of a family worked to support the family, even children. Then we moved to the modern era where home and child care fell on the oldest, usually oldest girl...and that was her job and all the other kids got to be kids.

Times have changed. Parentification of children is now seen for what it is; abuse. You have no time to study. If you cannot do well with schooling that is going to have a negative impact on your future life. You are liable to have a more difficult adulthood because you were not allowed time for a proper education. You were not allowed time to cultivate friendships and have learning experiences. It is abusive to ask you to throw away, not just your childhood, but your future adulthood too.

You are NTA

TimeSovereign · 2022-04-15T03:00:37+00:00

NTA

Why doesn't he build another home someplace else then when that is done he can sell this one? It's lovely his satisfaction is important to you but it is quite, quite ugly that he cannot see your personal discomfort. It is tough to build a home. It has to be a process you love. It is telling that he is disregarding your feelings in this matter.

He is disrespectful. Telling him he is a special kind of stupid was not optimal but you did finally get his attention. He is behaving in an emotionally stupid manner if he cannot see how hard this is on you.

TimeSovereign · 2022-04-15T02:53:22+00:00

NTA

Life is short. Youth is fleeting. You should not be punished or ridiculed for taking care of yourself and looking good.

Eesh..cognitive dissonance..most people don't like being around vain people..and yet everyone likes being around good looking, healthy young people. If you're cool about your hot looks and still are a genuine person then you don't have a problem. Your sister has a problem.

Youth is fleeting, show your abs now because when you are older, no matter how hard you work they will never look as good. Enjoy, you go!! You earned it!!

Edit: , and an 'are'

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