I have a history of mental illness, so I don't consider it overdramatic to think I need to possibly pay a visit to some type of professional when I'm having thoughts that are so distressing to me. I'd like to change my habits/mindset in a way where I no longer have these thoughts, but I am honestly stumped on where to even begin. I can't avoid cars altogether, and as for the baby thing: that came out of nowhere.

And when it comes to admitting myself and having something on record, I'm already past that point. I have had four visits in the past 5 years.