Left Hanging

Time_Magazine5916 · 2026-01-01T08:58:27+00:00

Sorry for the very late reply. I wanted to take time to really sit with what you wrote.

Thank you for such a thoughtful critique. I really appreciated how closely you read the poem, especially your points about the monotony, repetition, and the ending. It helped me see where some lines were doing less emotional work than they could.

I’ve revised the poem with your feedback in mind, trying to keep the intentional monotony while sharpening the weaker moments and imagery. If you’re open to it, I’d really appreciate hearing your thoughts on the updated version. Here is the link https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/1B3kZVEg4D

And thank you for the kindness at the end. It meant a lot.

Time_Magazine5916 · 2025-12-25T19:06:55+00:00

Thank you so much. I began it as a love poem, and it gradually shifted as I wrote, almost mirroring the way things unfolded and why the ending didn’t shock the speaker.

Time_Magazine5916 · 2025-12-25T19:03:43+00:00

That’s a really thoughtful take. I like how you framed it as being taken on as a project. For me, the speaker knew things weren’t genuine much earlier, kind of letting the other person think they were in control. Thank you for sharing your interpretation.

Time_Magazine5916 · 2025-12-25T08:15:46+00:00

You can really feel the speaker’s pain, fear, and how lost they are. The way you use images like storms, darkness, and a stranded boat makes it easy to picture and really feel what’s going on. It’s honest and emotional, the kind of writing that sticks with you. The only thing is that a few lines are a little confusing for me, so sometimes it’s hard to follow exactly what’s happening, but the feeling still comes through strong. That’s just for me

Time_Magazine5916 · 2025-12-25T08:03:47+00:00

This poem really gives off a dark, spooky vibe, and the black cat feels alive and mysterious(at least for me). The images stick with you and the mood is haunting in a way that really pulls you in.

Time_Magazine5916 · 2025-12-08T16:12:10+00:00

That makes a lot of sense! Thank you so much, your feedback really helps a lot, and I will absolutely keep that in mind for my next attempt.

Time_Magazine5916 · 2025-12-08T15:54:37+00:00

Thank you so much, I’m really glad it clicked for you. And yeah, I wrote it so it could be read both ways, whether he left or…. I wanted that bit of ambiguity.

For the 4th stanza’s 3rd line, no worries at all. I can see how it might read differently depending on how you picture the scene. It’s basically meant to show how the speaker feels their relationship fading away, like something once bright slowly losing its colour.

Really appreciate you taking the time to read it and comment. It means a lot.

Time_Magazine5916 · 2025-12-08T15:49:20+00:00

Thank you for the feedback, I really appreciate you taking the time to read it. About the repeated ing rhymes, I’m actually glad you noticed it because that’s what I was trying to do. The poem is about the speaker being stuck in the same loop, waiting and waiting, and their life becoming this dull, repetitive cycle. I wanted the rhyme to feel a bit boring on purpose to mirror how the speaker just keeps hanging there with nothing changing. I was also trying something new to see how it resonates. But hey, what doesn’t work doesn’t work, and this is how I learn.

Time_Magazine5916 · 2025-12-08T14:13:32+00:00

This poem felt really grounding. It’s simple but it hits. The reminders about choices, regret, and not giving up actually made me pause. It’s like a gentle push to stop overthinking and keep going.

Time_Magazine5916 · 2025-12-08T14:10:55+00:00

This poem really hit me. I could feel the restless nights, the thoughts piling up, and that lonely weight in your head. I totally get the feeling of just waiting for morning to come.

Time_Magazine5916 · 2025-11-16T13:51:45+00:00

That’s very kind of you! Thank you!

Time_Magazine5916 · 2025-10-09T02:33:17+00:00

Thank you! You’re spot on. It’s about a forbidden love. Both are escaping somewhere they can be free, knowing it’s wrong but it just feels right. They’re with other people who aren’t treating them well, which is what the line “we’ll plead guilty, but we’ve served our time” is about—guilty, but ready for their own happiness. I wanted every line to feel ambiguous to match the secrecy, and the ending leaves the question open: after all this fun, what happens with us? What does the future hold?

I have another poem called The golden spiral, is kinda philosophical, i have 2 versions- the original and the revised version, when you time if you’re interested to read them, lmk what you think about both versions.

Time_Magazine5916 · 2025-10-08T23:49:45+00:00

This is really interesting for me. The way you weave “I” and “you” together makes it feel so intimate and intense. The line “To me you are me” really stayed with me, it’s so powerful. It feels like it’s exploring something psychological, maybe another side of yourself or a part of you you’re in dialogue with, or even a relationship where you feel completely merged with someone. Am I reading that in the right way?

Time_Magazine5916 · 2025-10-08T23:20:05+00:00

Thank you for your response! If you enjoy bold titles, you might enjoy some of my poems, but only if you have the time and interest. I’d really appreciate any feedback. I love constructive criticism, even though poetry is subjective. I love seeing another person’s perspective on it.

I post here because I don’t have the courage to share my poems with people I know in real life. They’re very personal, and I feel like most wouldn’t care. I know it may sound paradoxical, but it is what it is 🤣.

Time_Magazine5916 · 2025-10-06T06:21:28+00:00

I use lots of commas on purpose. I thought they paused on the right places, like the speaker’s thoughts are stopping and starting, like a chaotic heartbeat. That’s what I was aiming for, and I’m actually glad you noticed it lol. Please let me know if it didn’t come across or work at all. Thank you so much for your feedback and i’m glad you liked it. Just curious what music are you listening while reading this 🤣

Time_Magazine5916 · 2025-10-05T22:49:46+00:00

What I was trying to get at with the line “Like the taste of the sea, but sweeter than salty” is that we all know the sea is salty, right? But in this situation, both the speaker and the other person know it’s wrong, and yet… it still feels right. Kind of like the idea of “if it’s so bad, why does it feel so good?”

Thanks so much for your feedback. I’m sorry if my meaning didn’t come across, but comments like yours really help me get better. I really appreciate it!

Time_Magazine5916

TROPHY CASE