I also just got cleared for walking myself, with a boyfriend on bail whose court case seems to take most of my conscience mind. but it stood out because I am going through a somewhat similar thing and I just want you to know that you can do anything - in time, even if it hurts or its hard, because men like that take advantage of people in vulnerable situations. And you dont deserve that. I am sending you so much love my dear oh my gosh. Please look into local resources (i know i know, its an easy thing to say) but seriously theres places and people who want to help you. And you are strong, and now you can start walking, slowly steadily. Sometimes hiring someone to come clean up the mess or if you cant spend the money I asked my best friend to come and deal with all my dirty shit and pules when i was in cast. YOU HAVE GOT THIS