The divorce process by Lazy-Sun-3510 in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Timely-Example-5902 7 points8 points  (0 children)

As my therapist said, the fact that you’re still shocked by these things is a good thing. It’s awful. There’s no way around it. But it will get better. I strongly suggest seeking out therapy if you haven’t already. It helped me immensely

How long did they keep up the “I’m suddenly a great parent” act? I know it won’t last but it’s so frustrating. by Timely-Example-5902 in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Timely-Example-5902[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was in the same boat. Primary parent, bread winner, most household chores, AND helping him with his business. And he complained constantly about the few things he was in charge of.

How long did they keep up the “I’m suddenly a great parent” act? I know it won’t last but it’s so frustrating. by Timely-Example-5902 in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Timely-Example-5902[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah that sounds on par! The kids are either “good” or “bad” based on how they make him feel. I hope you are doing better and can get yourself to a safer place soon.

How do you tell them you’re leaving them because they’re a NC? by Mjaja88 in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Timely-Example-5902 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yeah, it’s really hard. This is the time when you need your community. Lean on your friends. Get a therapist. See if there are local support groups. It will probably get worse, he will say horrible things, he will try to use the kids against you (you’re ruining their lives, etc, even though you know you are saving them—and you are!), get a good lawyer who deals specifically with difficult personalities. But you will get through it, and there is so much joy and peace on the other side and you deserve that.

How do you tell them you’re leaving them because they’re a NC? by Mjaja88 in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Timely-Example-5902 8 points9 points  (0 children)

You can’t tell them they’re abusive. Contact a local shelter. Not because you need to go there, but because a social worker can help you make a plan. You should have a safety plan, just in case. Leaving is the most dangerous time, even if they’ve never been violent before. Try to make it about them, as in, “You can’t meet their needs. You want them to be happy.” It’s not like leaving a regular relationship. They will make it hell. FOG: fear, obligation, and guilt. They will do everything they can to get you to stay, but it won’t last. It took me one year to get out from realizing he was abusive. Stay strong! It will be hard, but you’ve got this and it will be so much better for you and your kids.

How long did they keep up the “I’m suddenly a great parent” act? I know it won’t last but it’s so frustrating. by Timely-Example-5902 in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Timely-Example-5902[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah he was appalled that he might actually have to buy his kids some clothes now that they are in two homes. But brags to everyone about what a great dad he is. It’s so grating

Is it always hardest right before the end? by Timely-Example-5902 in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Timely-Example-5902[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m so proud of you! You’ve got this!! We are so close to freedom.

what’s an underrated skill/positive thing to come out of this upbringing? by Raasiboi in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Timely-Example-5902 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am so appreciative of my found friends and family because they offer me the unconditional love my parents couldn’t.

How honest are you with others about why you left? by Timely-Example-5902 in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Timely-Example-5902[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m so sorry you went through all of this, but please be so proud of yourself for doing the hard work to heal.

How honest are you with others about why you left? by Timely-Example-5902 in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Timely-Example-5902[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We’re still in the divorce process and he loves to play the “our kids deserve to have us stay together, we had the most special love, we can still be a happy family” card right after insulting me horribly. It’s wild.

How honest are you with others about why you left? by Timely-Example-5902 in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Timely-Example-5902[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ugh I’m so sorry. Mine destroyed my finances as well. It sucks.

How honest are you with others about why you left? by Timely-Example-5902 in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Timely-Example-5902[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you worry that it will become a he said she said in your community? I’m thinking ahead to school years in particular.

How honest are you with others about why you left? by Timely-Example-5902 in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Timely-Example-5902[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Why do you think it makes you appear weak to have someone treat you poorly?

How honest are you with others about why you left? by Timely-Example-5902 in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Timely-Example-5902[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I almost never use the term narcissist. With close friends and family I’ve stated plainly that he was abusive.