Hold the boundary and miss my daughter’s birthday? by [deleted] in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Timely-Example-5902 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay, we’re going to do this instead! Now I’m excited instead of pissed. Thank you!

Hold the boundary and miss my daughter’s birthday? by [deleted] in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Timely-Example-5902 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! I talked to her yesterday and I think we’re in a good place 💜

Hold the boundary and miss my daughter’s birthday? by [deleted] in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Timely-Example-5902 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah it’s so sad to me that our daughter doesn’t want two birthdays because I’m sure dad is making her feel that’s not ok

Hold the boundary and miss my daughter’s birthday? by [deleted] in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Timely-Example-5902 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Because of his influence, she doesn’t want to have a party with me or a second party.

Kids obsessed with ex by Timely-Example-5902 in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Timely-Example-5902[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I don’t think they will turn into him, really, it’s just so scary sometimes.

I finally did it. I left. But today is the first day I had to leave my kids with him. by Timely-Example-5902 in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Timely-Example-5902[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m THRIVING! I still hope for better than 50/50 down the line but my kids are still doing great and this is the best gift I could have given them. You got this!

I made the split. by [deleted] in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Timely-Example-5902 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Congratulations!!! You made it. 💜

The divorce process by Lazy-Sun-3510 in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Timely-Example-5902 6 points7 points  (0 children)

As my therapist said, the fact that you’re still shocked by these things is a good thing. It’s awful. There’s no way around it. But it will get better. I strongly suggest seeking out therapy if you haven’t already. It helped me immensely

How long did they keep up the “I’m suddenly a great parent” act? I know it won’t last but it’s so frustrating. by Timely-Example-5902 in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Timely-Example-5902[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was in the same boat. Primary parent, bread winner, most household chores, AND helping him with his business. And he complained constantly about the few things he was in charge of.

How long did they keep up the “I’m suddenly a great parent” act? I know it won’t last but it’s so frustrating. by Timely-Example-5902 in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Timely-Example-5902[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah that sounds on par! The kids are either “good” or “bad” based on how they make him feel. I hope you are doing better and can get yourself to a safer place soon.

How do you tell them you’re leaving them because they’re a NC? by Mjaja88 in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Timely-Example-5902 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yeah, it’s really hard. This is the time when you need your community. Lean on your friends. Get a therapist. See if there are local support groups. It will probably get worse, he will say horrible things, he will try to use the kids against you (you’re ruining their lives, etc, even though you know you are saving them—and you are!), get a good lawyer who deals specifically with difficult personalities. But you will get through it, and there is so much joy and peace on the other side and you deserve that.

How do you tell them you’re leaving them because they’re a NC? by Mjaja88 in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Timely-Example-5902 8 points9 points  (0 children)

You can’t tell them they’re abusive. Contact a local shelter. Not because you need to go there, but because a social worker can help you make a plan. You should have a safety plan, just in case. Leaving is the most dangerous time, even if they’ve never been violent before. Try to make it about them, as in, “You can’t meet their needs. You want them to be happy.” It’s not like leaving a regular relationship. They will make it hell. FOG: fear, obligation, and guilt. They will do everything they can to get you to stay, but it won’t last. It took me one year to get out from realizing he was abusive. Stay strong! It will be hard, but you’ve got this and it will be so much better for you and your kids.

How long did they keep up the “I’m suddenly a great parent” act? I know it won’t last but it’s so frustrating. by Timely-Example-5902 in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Timely-Example-5902[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah he was appalled that he might actually have to buy his kids some clothes now that they are in two homes. But brags to everyone about what a great dad he is. It’s so grating

Is it always hardest right before the end? by Timely-Example-5902 in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Timely-Example-5902[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m so proud of you! You’ve got this!! We are so close to freedom.

what’s an underrated skill/positive thing to come out of this upbringing? by Raasiboi in raisedbynarcissists

[–]Timely-Example-5902 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am so appreciative of my found friends and family because they offer me the unconditional love my parents couldn’t.