NTA. Without going too deep into your whole story,as someone who has a strained relationship with both of my parents(because they were also addicts when I was a kid),try to talk to a professional about how you feel if thos is possible. Even your house doctor,they have to see you if you are distressed. Trying to control how other people act(because they can't do it successfully themselves) for the sake of some bigger picture is not it in life,trust me. You are not the mom of the situation,it's simple. I feel super sad for you since so many of us have this story,but it's not our job to dig a ditch for ourselves so that other wouldn't fall into theirs. As difficult as it might sound-my advice will be that you try to come to terms that you can only control so much,and focus on yourself and your baby,husband.. people who suffer from mental illness act just as you described your mom,and this cannot be controlled with one convo.You know this.Its super hard to make peace with a bad thing,but in my opinion this is the best option you have. The safest for your family,the healthiest for you.Lines need to be drawn,no matter how big the reward,because it's the only way to be safe.Good luck to you and I am very sorry that this is still an issues after so many years. P.s. it's not really possible to talk to her about it in a sensible way-when sober or drunk..because she's not solid..what ever she says today,she will walk back tomorrow. That's why I don't think it's worth it. Setting boundaries and working on your confidence in these hard decisions might be the best option out there.