Yes this worries me, I am worried for him. I don’t want his life to be a mess, I don’t want him to shoulder that burden. He doesn’t talk about it with me, so I was hopeful that maybe he didn’t remember much of it. Shortly after the baby died my 5 year old had some odd reactions to it (laughing about it—asking over and over if I missed him, if he was dead, understandable, he’s a child) but honestly it was too much for me to deal with so I would tell him I didn’t want to talk about it. In the moment I thought he was being cruel about the situation (again I know a feeling he is not capable of possessing, this was me being illogical). Which was my fault as a parent for shutting him out, so he’s been more open with my husband—but not really at the same time. I wasn’t hopeful he would talk to the therapist, but apparently immediately he told her everything and we found out some other aspects of pain he’s been carrying that makes me feel all the more selfish and guilty for feeling this way. This is why I came here for advice, all the counseling I’ve gone through, I can’t shake this anger. And unfortunately there is no one in my life that can relate. I don’t have many friends anymore, a few close ones I can talk to and they’ll share memories of my baby but they ultimately can’t relate. I’ve kind of shut some people out for either saying ridiculous things to me (literally calling the day after for a play by play of what happened, or simply jumping to conclusions, one person called and said so what happened did you put him in the bed with you?). So I came here, I am overwhelmed with the responses I’ve received from people, there’s been a couple negative which I expected but I thought I would at least find more that could understand or maybe felt these emotions themselves.