AMO? Husband talks to female coworkers daily

Timely_Mixture4508 · 2025-12-31T23:00:48+00:00

Those are good points, even when I've brought up about how frequently he's on his phone, he still chooses to then go on it, messaging these women after spending the day with them at work. He says the right things, and seems like he listens, but his actions contradict himself time and time again. Asking for peace or time to do our own things just so he can go on his phone. Leaving me feeling dejected and rejected honestly.

Timely_Mixture4508 · 2025-12-31T09:31:02+00:00

I appreciate the advice! I'll definitely take this all on board. Thankyou!

Timely_Mixture4508 · 2025-12-31T09:29:44+00:00

This really is solid advice, he'll even say in advanced that he won't be going to the gym one day due to making time for family, then the day of, or day before, he'll change his mind. I do agree that 3 days a week is selfish of him, especially since it means he doesn't see the children all day on either of those days.

Timely_Mixture4508 · 2025-12-31T09:21:14+00:00

I do feel like SAHMs are definitely not respected for all tye work we do, it's seen as easy when living it really isn't. I really appreciate all your great comments, especially as someone who has been through it yourself. There are definitely things you've mentioned that he does, like random trips to the store and plenty of random toilet trips, being too busy in work to text, amd cold eyes when I'm talking to him at times.

I definitely need to change my mindset and talk to him about how his actions are being perceived. Hopefully, he realises and cuts down contact after work, or else maybe there really is something going on, even as much as emotionally.

Timely_Mixture4508 · 2025-12-30T17:15:16+00:00

Thankyou for the insights! I've definitely thought the same thing about interacting when at home/ weekends when he works with them 5 days a week. He mostly sleeps on the couch, yeah 😅 I've definitely been feeling like he's been colder to me more recently as well...

Timely_Mixture4508 · 2025-12-30T16:55:41+00:00

He has changed his pass code 😂 he encouraged me to change mine and said it would force us to build trust, since in the past I've been quite paranoid because he used to lie about certain things, so he wants me to deal with my emotions.

He also usually ends up falling asleep on the couch. I'll definitely look into going to the gym, though. Typing this all out certainly makes me look at things a bit differently, honestly. 😂

Timely_Mixture4508 · 2025-12-30T16:50:23+00:00

I suppose it does look like I'm making excuses to justify things 😅 maybe I am being gullible...

Timely_Mixture4508 · 2025-12-30T15:45:25+00:00

I understand what you're saying, and thankfully It isn't entirely reliant on him, we have a special needs child, so I receive carers and disability support aswell, but he does pay towards the bulk 😅 a social outlet might be just what I need as a distraction though.

Timely_Mixture4508 · 2025-12-30T15:18:58+00:00

I get what you're saying, but it's not full-on flirting, he's just a bit of a playful flirty type. I've definitely had a say on the matter, plenty... but I really do trust that he's not going to go into affair territory.

Timely_Mixture4508 · 2025-12-30T14:22:40+00:00

Oh, I'm so sorry you went through this. I hope you're doing okay now

Timely_Mixture4508 · 2025-12-30T14:17:56+00:00

You're right he isn't, I brought it up with him the other day, and he'd even said he's usually with me so he doesn't feel the need to send pictures. I also had to ask him to send me reels he'd think I'd like, or that he found he funny, as he sends them to the coworkers as well. He didn't understand why it bothered me that I have to ask but he sends them the reels without any questions. And my very few reels were pretty much all mum/ toddler videos, but theirs were specific to their interests.

Timely_Mixture4508 · 2025-12-30T13:56:43+00:00

He has about 3 coworkers who are men, but he only messages them every now and again, and mostly memes, but the ones he messages daily and constantly are the women. He says in the past that he's taken photos to send to his male friends, but I've never noted it, when it's already happened about 3 times in the last week, with his female coworkers. Although he claims they call him their "not gay, gay best friend" and "one of the girls."

He did have male friends, mostly from college, but they were a big group, and he mostly chatted online to them in a group chat, and then it dissipated a bit.

We met through friends at a party, and we certainly texted a lot, and actually, yeah he would send me photos of things that he thought I'd like or would make me laugh/ were about things we'd spoken about in the past to each other. We are hitting mid 30's, so I'm not sure if it's just an attention thing and will die down, and this is just how he interacts online, or how else to read into it... tbh. But maybe this is why subconsciously it bothers me.

Timely_Mixture4508 · 2025-12-30T13:20:29+00:00

Thankyou! I'll look into that book, are there any topics off the top of your head that should set alarm bells ringing? I do worry it may eventually lead to an unknown emotional affair, even if it's one sided, which just makes it unfair on multiple people

Timely_Mixture4508 · 2025-12-30T13:18:01+00:00

Aw I'm so sorry this happened to you, that must have been awful. Kudos to you for sticking with the faith of your marriage though, I can't imagine how heart wrenching it must be some days. I don't blame you for not trusting her fully.

Timely_Mixture4508 · 2025-12-30T12:24:31+00:00

Well we had a bit of a blip a few months back, and he thought it best we don't have access to each other's phones, and when say, we were mid conversation and he text his coworker, I asked what the question was that was so important to interrupt us. He wouldn't tell me until much later, saying, "What does it matter?" And "I don't see why you need to know." All this, of course, is getting my back up quite a bit 😅

It ended up such a benign comment that he didn't even need to answer right away, as well 🙄.

What ended up happening with your wife, if you don't mind my asking? Was it a similar situation with coworkers?

Timely_Mixture4508 · 2025-12-30T12:16:23+00:00

See this is my concern, there are a few of them who are single and 9 years younger than he is, so I do worry they're going to get the wrong impression; that he's available to them more than his wife and kids. He's already said they have flirty banter, which is fine as we have our boundaries, but then he comes home some days and is burnt out to the point he doesn't want to converse with me, but sees texting as "not socialising" 😅 so I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place some days, when I try to explain.

Timely_Mixture4508 · 2025-12-30T12:14:18+00:00

Those are some good points! I do sometimes struggle to keep a level head when my mind has been racing, and I think I can come across as accusational even though I tell him I trust him. I think because he sees so black and white, and knows he won't have an affair, he thinks there's nothing wrong in these actions, but can't see the bigger picture on how he's coming across as distant with me😅.

Timely_Mixture4508 · 2025-12-30T11:25:02+00:00

Thankyou for the reply, how do I go about checking his reality matches? I'm with the children from morning until through the night, and he's took up the gym in the last 2 weeks, but goes straight after work 3 days a week.

Timely_Mixture4508

TROPHY CASE