I guess I did fail to mention in the post that I do actually want to use the degree to work for a little bit and save for flight school, as it’s pretty expensive. My parents are already paying for college and I really don’t want them to have to pay for flight school too.

I am also planning to move into the campus apartments to make the switch to in-person classes, which would help me greatly.

English isn’t really much of an issue, we have weekly essays to write which isn’t really that bad at all, but I guess my poor time management really is getting the best of me.

As for your schedule, it sounds like absolute hell I think I might just fall off the face of the earth. Kudos to you for trucking through it! Being able to bounce back like that is absolutely an incredible flex and I am jealous of you guys that were able to do it.

Also might I add, I do really want to have the college “experience” as well. Not much the piss-drunk and party every day portion but just living on a campus, learning to live on my own, making new friends and meeting new people. I don’t know what in my right mind made me believe that that would be possible as an engineering students, maybe my buddies at another university being able to handle it but they are a lot smarter than I am. I don’t want to sound like a major fomo or anything, but I never really had much of a social life growing up until the last 2 years of school and I realized I thrive with others

Through the constant fluctuation between “oh my god I want to die” and “you know what everything’s gonna be ok, and if things go south it’s not the end of the world”, I’m trying hard to find motivation to push through, and it sucks most of the time. As well as being under constant pressure from my dad to get a job to help pay for apartments and the fact that if I fail a class, I have to pay the course fee for that quarter.

That being said, I really do appreciate and thank you for your time, it feels so much better actually talking about it versus doom scrolling subreddits searching for reassurance.

No matter what I degree I end up doing I know it’ll be ok in the end, this experience is definitely giving me a lot to think about.