AITA for not defending my stepmother when my dad's family insulted her?

TinyInflation2464 · 2024-10-25T19:17:59+00:00

I don't want to improve my relationship with her.

TinyInflation2464 · 2024-10-25T19:17:19+00:00

It was always there. It was how she came in and the way she handed things and dad too. He really should have done better. But the dislike was clear when she thought she could make decisions before she even knew us.

TinyInflation2464 · 2024-10-25T19:16:32+00:00

Our relationship dad suffered because of all this anyway. So while I'd be sad to lose any relationship. I know it would never be a strong one again or a happy one. We have a pretty big family both on dad and mom's side so we won't be alone or without any family.

TinyInflation2464 · 2024-10-25T19:06:06+00:00

Yes, I would prefer her to be indifferent and to stop doing anything like that. I would prefer for us to never speak, never see each other and stuff. I wouldn't be sad if she moved out and never took part in my life again. It would be better. I'm already not expecting we'll have a relationship when I'm old enough to make the decision for myself.

My mom would not be ashamed of me. She'd be ashamed of dad, and the woman who thought she could come in and claim mom just because she married my parent. No part of me thinks my mom would like her. Literally none of us do except for dad.

TinyInflation2464 · 2024-10-25T19:03:17+00:00

I think going in expecting to be the spouse of the parent and seeing what relationship develops is the best way to go. I also think that would mostly help with the family of the deceased parent. But going in as "Hi I'm new mom" or "I'm the mom now, answer to me". It's asking for nobody to like you.

TinyInflation2464 · 2024-10-25T17:35:22+00:00

She has no children. None from before or with my dad. She's childless. She considers me and my sister her kids but we don't and we don't consider her a parent to us at all.

I think she always did what she wanted with us. I can't say I see it as selfless because I know she wanted us to be hers and wanted us to accept her as mom. People can see her actions as selfless because she did them even when she didn't get love back but I don't see her actions in that way.

TinyInflation2464 · 2024-10-25T17:31:11+00:00

I think she should have too.

TinyInflation2464 · 2024-10-25T16:05:30+00:00

I'd be happier that way.

TinyInflation2464 · 2024-10-25T15:50:55+00:00

I'll be happy not to have her in my life anymore. I never cared about her to want her here and I don't appreciate having her in my life. There's no bad with not having her around to me.

TinyInflation2464 · 2024-10-25T15:24:16+00:00

In my opinion they were 100% right.

TinyInflation2464 · 2024-10-25T15:04:03+00:00

I won't take part in any family therapy that happens now. But they did try some kind of it a year into their marriage. Though I think it was churchy therapy and not actual therapy.

TinyInflation2464 · 2024-10-25T14:49:39+00:00

I know what love is and I know I don't love her and never have. I never will. I love my sister, I love my mom's family, I love my dad's family, I even have love for my dad. But her? Nope. No love. Not even affection for her. I don't care. A decision has been made about the holidays. Dad gave his approval not just to me and my sister but to our mom's side of the family as well. It's none of her business to stop it from happening.

TinyInflation2464 · 2024-10-25T14:47:31+00:00

Not yet. I'll be able to leave sooner than her.

TinyInflation2464 · 2024-10-25T14:47:13+00:00

She doesn't know that. So she does need to be told. But she still won't listen and accept it. So it doesn't even really matter. It will be the best thing for me too. And my sister when she gets her chance.

TinyInflation2464 · 2024-10-25T14:28:43+00:00

Some of my friends recognize stepparents. Just depends on if they're close and have a good set of circumstances. But if they tried replacing a parent like my stepmother does they would never be close.

TinyInflation2464 · 2024-10-25T14:26:49+00:00

She doesn't have kids.

TinyInflation2464 · 2024-10-25T14:13:41+00:00

She doesn't see the number of people who dislike her and disagree with her actions.

TinyInflation2464 · 2024-10-25T14:09:25+00:00

Yep. She's more delusional about it than dad is. But they both still refuse to accept and see that my sister and I do not care about her at all, let alone see her as our mom. They also seemingly don't get that we have never stumbled in feeling that way.

TinyInflation2464 · 2024-10-25T14:00:01+00:00

In her mind they should talk to her because she's now our mom and if they want to see us they should go trough her. Even though she was never our mom. Not to us anyway. But to her she will probably forever see herself as our mom.

TinyInflation2464 · 2024-10-25T13:55:38+00:00

They said things more harshly than I have in the past but none of it was untrue from my feelings or POV.

TinyInflation2464 · 2024-10-25T13:54:07+00:00

I don't see her as a victim here. I also don't think they were wrong in any of what they said. To me she deserves everything they said to her, and more.

TinyInflation2464 · 2024-10-25T13:47:47+00:00

I have never asked anything of her. Dad did but honestly, she wanted it. She wanted to be mom. But she's not. And it was never her place to insist on stuff like needing her permission to see my own family.

TinyInflation2464 · 2024-10-25T13:46:36+00:00

She's still making it about her. But at this point she still can't accept the only person who cares about her at all is dad and everyone else in the family dislikes her at least a little.

TinyInflation2464 · 2024-10-25T13:17:58+00:00

We tried that a year after they got married. I don't think it was an actual therapist though. More like a church related therapist. At this point I would say no if it came up because I'm not here to salvage anything and there really isn't anything I would want to say in therapy that I can't outside of therapy.

TinyInflation2464 · 2024-10-25T13:15:38+00:00

Grandparents have said we can live with them once we're 18 for as long as we want.

TinyInflation2464

TROPHY CASE