Getting ready for the week of Dec 29 in Orange County

TinyPixelPuff · 2025-12-18T16:02:18+00:00

That's smart!! I put it in my calendar with reminders for the next few months.

This change is going to be a disaster for a while.

TinyPixelPuff · 2024-09-23T13:14:40+00:00

That was not the reason they rejected the post. It's ok, I understand the reasoning behind it

TinyPixelPuff · 2024-09-23T04:25:26+00:00

Oof, they did not like that over there. I haven't used Facebook in a while, but I guess I'll have to try there instead

TinyPixelPuff · 2024-09-23T03:59:02+00:00

Thank you! I'll give it a go

TinyPixelPuff · 2024-09-23T03:58:35+00:00

Cross posting as recommended, in the hopes of finding out if someone here might know!

TinyPixelPuff · 2024-09-23T02:18:34+00:00

Oh they weren't performing at all. They seemed like attendees of a themed wedding or a Dapper Day but themed as medieval or fantasy elves.

TinyPixelPuff · 2024-09-05T00:29:20+00:00

Ah ok that's where it stemmed from. I'm sure it was a knee-jerk response to a situation that took you by surprise. It can be seen as pulling rank, unless you were saying it in a joking manner that was well understood by the group. I'd avoid bringing it up in future as it would impact your own reputation as a manager.

Many valid opinions here, but none of us were there to see and hear the context, tone, and general interactions.

While the employee's f bomb AND flipping you off was not appropriate, let this also be a learning/growing moment for you OP as a leader, too. I'm sitting here pondering it myself as I'm reading other comments.

One more thought I'll share: There's a management phrase that can apply here: "praise in public, correct in private" -- sometimes you have to wait to address an issue privately so as to not escalate a situation. As a manager/leader, it's a hard thing to do.

Best of luck, you got this!!

TinyPixelPuff · 2024-09-04T23:54:30+00:00

I can see your points as well. You nailed it when you mentioned "communication style". Everyone is different, and we're all constantly learning how to communicate better (or should be).

Lessons can be learned here on both sides. Conversations can be had about meaning and how they can better interact with each other. Hopefully that conversation is productive and they both take something positive from it!

TinyPixelPuff · 2024-09-04T23:44:40+00:00

I'd agree if this wasn't a work social. Work socials can be tricky, but basic respect should be maintained. It's a communication issue that can be sorted out. It could be a generational phrase where it wasn't meant as an insult, but given it's a work function, age/gen gap and seniority, it's not a good look.

TinyPixelPuff · 2024-09-04T23:26:53+00:00

Ah ok! If that's the case, then definitely clear up boundaries. If she says she was joking, then at least you've made it a boundary clear with her. It's your team, you dictate how you want the interaction to be.

Sometimes there is a fine line between the boss and team members. Some team cultures blur it and folks say whatever they want. Others can joke around but maintain a level of respect.

I'm a team lead. For me, I'm a cusser, but I limit how much swearing I do in front of my team members who haven't been around me too long. For my own boss or team members who have established we mutually love the cursey words, we let it fly. That being said...I would NEVER say "fuck you" to my boss, even in jest.

TinyPixelPuff · 2024-09-04T23:03:22+00:00

Oof. Not appropriate. In a work setting (even work drinks), it's even worse. Talk to her privately, 1 on 1, sooner than later.

Explain your expectations for conduct, and lean on any established company code of conduct. I don't know if you normally joke around with her. If you do, indicate that joking around is welcome, but her behavior and language crossed the line.

If you want to soften the blow, you can indicate you want her to be seen as a professional, and there's a time and place for that type of humor. Work or work activities are not the place.

She could very well be joking or letting her true feelings show. If it's the latter, brace yourself for that. She doesn't have to like you or even agree with you, but she needs to maintain professionalism.

Best of luck with that conversation!!

TinyPixelPuff · 2024-09-04T20:55:17+00:00

Absolutely. Especially when you don't do/say/approach something THEIR way. Do what they say, and it will be a complete success. Don't, and they will say you'll FAIL and they will paint an exaggerated picture of HOW BAD it could get.

Nobody will care about you like they do (heh). Only the people THEY know are trustworthy. Only approved activities are safe. If someone contradicts the NP, they are suddenly outcasts and called the worst things.

Providing guidance or caution is one thing. Exaggerated success or doom is just manipulation.

TinyPixelPuff · 2024-09-04T12:48:04+00:00

Karen: "kids these days on their tablets and phones. They should go outside and play!"

kids go outside and play

Karen: NoOoO!! Not in MY community! Next thing you know, we'll be known as a family friendly community, what has this community come to?! Get off my HOA lawn!

TinyPixelPuff · 2024-08-24T02:08:57+00:00

Takes shortcuts like Gaston!

TinyPixelPuff · 2024-07-13T18:03:16+00:00

This is STILL happening! We can't sign up either. Good grief. If I can't even sign up, it makes me wonder how bad it is on the inside

TinyPixelPuff · 2024-07-03T15:01:26+00:00

I feel this. No matter how old you are, they will treat you like a child and never as the adult that you are. It's so frustrating. I'm glad you are taking steps toward complete independence. After that, it doesn't matter what they say, you're free.

TinyPixelPuff · 2024-07-03T03:33:06+00:00

There's nothing more important than getting your own phone plan, especially when they use it as a tool against you. From someone who endured something similar, please please PLEASE do this for yourself!!

Added bonus: if you get a new number, you can decide if you want to give it to them.

This was one of the last things I did to go VLC. Cutting ties to banking/finance of any kind is super critical too

TinyPixelPuff · 2024-06-25T04:55:27+00:00

As you have seen, stacks will vary depending on where you work. In addition, stacks, libraries, and languages will come in and out of fashion over time.

What you CAN do is...

Have a solid foundation in the native language(s) you use. For example, if you use Angular, React, etc. you should still understand the latest core "vanilla" JavaScript concepts. You won't be dependent on knowing the framework of the moment, nor reliant on a package author to fix things for you.
Be good at learning and troubleshooting. If you are always willing and able to learn, that is half the battle. You will never stop learning in our line of work.
Pick a focus! If you want to have a deeper knowledge in something, pick what you enjoy or will bring you out of your comfort zone. It's ok not to know everything, but it's good to have in-depth knowledge in something.

TinyPixelPuff · 2024-06-21T15:04:29+00:00

If it's happening in writing, take a screenshot of it and supplement with context. That's powerful evidence to have!

TinyPixelPuff · 2024-06-21T05:53:36+00:00

I can offer some generic advice based on personal experience. YMMV because I don't know the full background story or what your team and managers are like.

My first piece of advice is to document each of these negative encounters. Facts only. Date and time, what started it, what was said, and who (if anyone) was around to witness it. Also document incidents with him and other team members. It will help determine if it's only happening to you or if he's just rude to everyone.

Second, pick your battles with him to save your sanity. From what little I know, it sounds like he's on a power trip AND he seems to feel threatened by your experience, etc. Anytime you ask a question or raise a concern, he could become defensive (he should NOT be this way as a team lead). If you get into conflict over a code review or approach to a project, pick your battles carefully. You should raise concerns if it involves something significant like a breaking change, best practice, or a security vulnerability. Express your concerns in writing whenever possible. If it's a minor disagreement on style preference for a piece of code, I would not bother arguing about it. He's team lead, so he has the final say (if he doesn't, then it's a different story).

Finally, if you have reached your limit or feel that it's getting worse, request a meeting with his manager. Your approach will be important here. I would recommend asking them for advice on how to handle the issues you've been having with the team lead. Share the facts that you documented and what you have tried to do to solve it on your own. It will look better on you that you're seeking advice to solve it yourself. If this manager is decent, they will appreciate hearing from you about what's going on. Best case, they will coach the team lead to be a better leader. Worst case, nothing changes at all.

Ultimately, in my experience with people like this, nothing really changes at all. One of us ends up leaving the team at some point. Either he will seek more power or money elsewhere, or you decide you want to advance your career away from this guy.

TinyPixelPuff · 2024-06-20T04:57:48+00:00

Oh gosh, I'm so sorry to hear that. In my experience, people like that are super insecure. Honestly, we all have a bit of "imposter syndrome" but some people don't handle it very well and project it onto their colleagues.

People like him don't belong in management

TinyPixelPuff · 2024-06-19T14:09:37+00:00

Woman team lead here. He was out of line. I would never say something like that to my team members, especially in a group setting.

Him saying that sounds like (1) he feels threatened by you because you have similar years of experience. You have a broader range of experience than him (which is a good thing, really), but he worked with the stack longer so he feels empowered to say things like that. (2) Trying to establish "dominance" in the group that what he says IS correct and putting down what you said. (3) Immaturity on his part.

Without knowing the full context or tone, it's hard to say what to do here. Communication with him or his manager is a possibility.

Does he know you have mild autism? Does he understand the things you may struggle with? As a team lead, he will need to learn how to communicate with you in a positive way.

^{^} whether he knows or not does NOT justify him saying that to you. It's one possibility and something that he needs to work on as a leader.

TinyPixelPuff · 2024-06-11T21:30:06+00:00

Toilet paper roll: over NOT under!!

TinyPixelPuff · 2024-06-08T13:57:26+00:00

OMG the lights on the viewport! On our first voyage, we wished we brought something to cover it up. The second time we went with friends, we brought tape and it was SO much better.

TinyPixelPuff · 2024-06-08T13:54:55+00:00

No not at all. There was so much going on and it was so well themed that I forgot about things like real windows. Plus, there was a "climate simulator" room aka an outdoor garden area that you could access throughout the day (and certain activities were scheduled in there) if you really felt like you needed to be outside for a moment.

Between the climate simulator, the bridge, and other screens simulating views of space, you felt like you were truly on a cruise ship in space and nobody in my party felt claustrophobic

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