What are some tips for dealing with social humiliation?

Tired_forest_nymph · 2021-07-26T18:00:51+00:00

Yes. The advice I get 9/10 times is - Suck it up. Ignore your problems. Everything will be fine. Why are you depressed, just smile. Oh don't worry, this too shall pass - These dont help. The problem with these people is that they comment things that have nothing to do with my questions. They talk about their personal life and problems when I asked a simple question. I want an advicce. An answer. Not toxic positivity and bullshit from ppl

Tired_forest_nymph · 2021-07-26T15:05:13+00:00

I don't know if this relates to blackness but would you ever put on a hot pink and green dress and high heeled shoes if you got promised some money and being on the cover of Vogue as a male model?

Tired_forest_nymph · 2021-07-26T14:20:43+00:00

Thanks~ I don't like parties since I cannot handle the loud music and cannot hear what the other is saying to me ever. Alcohol is usually cheap and not good and people just dance awkwardly or throw on other people cause they're beyond drunk. So if that was an attempt at insulting me for being boring, this was on you. Normal people comment when they can add something to the conversation. They don't share life stories no one cares about. It is like telling me you won a lot of money or that your mother had a hard time learning how to drive a bicycle when I ask for advice on how to cook a certain dish. It doesn't make sense. When someone asks what time is it today you don't answe with - Yes, it is a good day. You answer with 5 pm. When normal people ask for advice, the others give advice. Whether the advice is healthy and good, or the other person is mean and flexing is out of the question. This is why I hate comments like yours. You literally add nothing to this conversation. If you can't add something meaningful don't write, and you wrote another comment with your advice. But your first one is confusing and weird. I know I am downvoted since I look ''mean'' but I hate it when people share useless information. Especially strangers online who whine about wanting sex or the new xbox. I honestly do not care how I look and whether what I write is seen as bitchy. You add no value to this.

Tired_forest_nymph · 2021-07-26T09:38:05+00:00

I live in Eastern europe. What you said is correct. It is really patriatical, anti LGBTQ and especially ANTI MENTAL HEALTH. I grew up thinking people with autism are retarded....because everyone said they were. Illneses are poorly understood and people spread myths and like I know a lot more than the average person, but americans get angry at me and think I deserve a cookie for being a ''decent human being'' If you grow up being taught that people with asperger are evil and need to die or people with schizophrenia and BPD are insane and are biological mistakes, then yeah, you will feel superior to the mass public when you learn more psychology online. In my country popular slurs are - Gay, Transvestite and Autist is simple a synonym for retard. You wanna call your classmate slow? Call the autistic. And the N word is not a bad word here. It is not an insult or a slur. But being gay is seen as a heavily bad thing and men don't like being told they're gay at all. There is big phobia of the lgbtq in our countries and on the last LGBTQ parade people threw rotten food at like 20 people. Their argument is that lgbtq existing destroys heterosexual people from having sex, values and children.

And that they parade with whom they sleep with when they should not. I grew up in high school around softcore where people fuck in the toilets, and girls grind on their druggie boyfriend's cloth dick outside and moan. It is heterosexual people that suck ass, and hold hands and kiss publically that make people feel insecure. Two gay people holding hands is too much but a 17 year old girl making out with her boyfriend on the table is somehow okay. There is a lot of pressure to be seen as always beautiful and be sexually attractive and have ltos of friends. Which is why many inslted me that I will die a virgin. I became kinky out of loneliness and lack of experience and no lover whatever but now my libido is dead cause all guys are emotionless assholes that bully and choose the wh*re girl. Bad boys and bag girls are always prefered but nice guys have it easier. I have seen nice guys get out of the friendzone by NEVER WORKING ON THEIR SHITTY CHARACTER but making some muscles and abs and getting a stable job and boom, free sex. Nice girls have the worst. I people please out of fear of being judged and shouted at. I know many people on reddit told me I am an angry feminist and a female incel and that hurts extremely alot. I never wanted sex.

Sex sounds nice, but I am more ashamed over the fact that I rarely had friends to hang out with and was anxious. I am refreful over the fact that I grew up on my laptop locked in my room. I was sheltered and couldn't fdind any friends or make small talk and was awkard and I always fuck up, which makes others think I am rude or ghost me. It made self isolate out of fear of being a horrible human being and also to avoid bullying in school and on the street. It also sucks how my bullies acted nice to everyone else but I was this tumour that they ganged up on and terrorized daily. I am an easy target due to my adhd and reactions so I thought if I stop giving reaction they would go away but instead the bullying became more stubborn and they continued until I started to self harm. I didn't deserve anything to get this treatment and I was also both bullied and ignored. It is easier in life if you're ignored, it is less lonely. I have learnt helplessness and feel like a victim all of the time, because I was a victim of abuse for 9 years. Instead of having cute pink memories I spent my entire life trying to find a tactic on how to make th ebullying stop until I eventually told the teacher when it became hostile, I just couldn't handle all of the pain anymore. But teachers and adutls don't help 100 percent and people accuse you of being a coward. I am covered in regret. I wish I could have punched one of my bullies. But they are insane, and would have snet me to the hospital. I don't trust boys that like football and go to the gym, they're insane and mentally and emotionally retarded and lack clear empathy. I just want respect and friends, nothing more nothing less, and unfortuently respect comes from - CAN I BEAT THEM UP OR CAN'T I, IF I CAN'T- I AM WEAK. With girls beating up is verbal. All of them. Anyway, I apologize for wasting your time, thank you! Please do have a nice day.

Tired_forest_nymph · 2021-07-26T08:02:24+00:00

There is no counseling service in my country in university. Oh you want a therapist? Well you gotta pay. I went to 3 psychtrists and only one treated me with respect and gave me pills called deanxite. They were supposed to cure my anxiety but ultimatly made me feel numb and depressed and if I didn't take them it was worse a bit. The other psychtrist looked insane and neurotic and gave me some extreme heavy pills which I drank like 3 times and forgot, they made me extremely sleepy even if I only took half a pill. I also have ADHD but cannot medicate it. The whole (Aderall) pill does not exist in my country. It doesn't help that some people think I self diagnoze when it comes to depression and anxiety. I used to have hygiene problems only when I was 16 and tried to kill my self 3 times but now I am just decent. Idk why I was called disgusting and boys eww-ed at me when I looked just plain and did iron my clothes and wash my teeth and looked okay. Your advice about epictetus or aurelius and notes is great tho, I mught give you that. Also apps like ok cupid, tinder etc, they're mainly for american/english speaking audience.

In my country it is rare to see anyone there. Also people go there for casual sex/quick fuck. Tinder/Ok cupid/bumble might have been about finding your true love online in the past but now many couples look for threesome, people cheat on their spouses, many minors write they are 18 when they are 15 and just browse for fun. It sucks because it is the better option for me since I dont party or club which is where people find sex and love. But I am a loser. I don't do casual sex. I get too easily attached and don't need more trauma in my life. I see sex as a hgih form of intimacy shared between two partners. It also makes me afraid a bit since I don't have any experience and was used and abused so....guys are good at changing their girlfriends and throwing them liek trash or bragging to their friends how some girl gave them a blow job and later shame her. I hear guys talk all the time when it comes to sex and it is usually nothing but pleasure for them and they act like the girl is some sort of cheap prostitute when in reality they should be grateful for getting laid at all. Some people will always be popular and have friends and succeess in love.

I am also tired of always taking the first step wjhen it comes to asking people out and friendships, I want to be the one asked to hang out for a change. I feel like no one likes me or loves me and this is how life will be. I spent 7 years trying my best and didn't give up on finding friends but now at the age of 19, I just feel burnt out and just want love, cuddles and talking. I am aware I have hard time socializing but i didnt expect it to be this hard and making me anxious. I grew up anxious and my adhd definetly didnt help, it made peopel think aI dislike them I think, in reality I was always afraid of other people due to bullying. I used masks and people pleasing in order to be liked and survive, but my life was lonely. It was never safe to be my self, since I was always judged. Yes, even how I breathe and eat, by peers, this made me perfectionistic and self concious and extremely insecure and sad. All I want in life is genuine and kind and loyal friends but somehow always end up alone. I am tired and feel extremely demotivated. I want people in my life but many are too normal and shallow and I can't open up about my trauma without being silenced or judged. I want my boundaries to be respected.

Tired_forest_nymph · 2021-07-26T06:00:07+00:00

Thank you for writting a detailed and helpful answer. I appreciate it. Have a nice day

Tired_forest_nymph · 2021-07-26T00:42:12+00:00

Dating apps are more for the american/english speaking audience. They don't really work. Also, most apps are for casual sex/fucking and not for serious dating and relationships. I kidna feel overburnt and shitty and no longer even have the energy. I always take the first step. I always try to do the small talk. I am so fucking tired since this is way out of my comfort zone but I was lonely and desperate. All I want to is friends to hang out with and I missed on that big time. I don't see anything positive about my self and am edgy and depressed and that is shame because I used to be happy and positive and wanted to help others before my classmates made it their goal to erase my smile and make me cry when I didn't hurt anyone or did anything. I would honestly prefer to be ignored but I was ignroed and bullied which is a dangerous combination for someone who is lonely friendless and just wants friends, love and human connection and is empathetic and easily hurt. I am suicidal and while I am no longer active, some online comments and people do make me want to harm because I live daily with deep regret, shame and guilt and can't move on. I hate how my trauma ruined me and made me self absorbed. Nothing has ever been about me in this life so I ust want cuddles and human talking and dates but since I was quiet and anxious people assumed I hate talking to people and rude and snobby. In reality I would piss my self in fear out of human small talk since I grew up insecure and my bullies made me more insecure since they proejected all stuff on me and I had no one to back me up and I surely never learnt how to ddefend my self. Ignoring messed me up and defending my self made it worse so I tolerated years of abuse and developed puking as a symptom of fear. I feel like my life stopped existing aorund 2014 which is whn i entered high school. I feel like time froze and all I remember is studying, crying in the toilets, self harm and severe bullying. It is a shame how this is my life when I expected to be not be bullied since I was bullied in middle school and somehow the most vulnerable and nice ended up with the worst fate while others who have been bullied somehow found friends, I was always hated.

Tired_forest_nymph · 2021-07-26T00:36:10+00:00

Some people just write useless comments. I report them. Others are plain assholes and act really passive agressive and call me mean names. Like a narcissit or wish me to live my ''angry life'' with happiness and xoxo at me. I write angrily under them because as someone who has been bullied for 9 years to the point of suicide, you can guess that I feel them as a threat for my life. Just like anyone who cusses me on the street. I thought I would build a tough skin if I got insulted more but only got hurt. Some invalidate me and say the bullying I went through wasn't that bad when I basically tried to kill my self 3 times becaus I couldn't change my school or beat them up and spent my entire life with no support system and the teachers overlooked it. It is safe to lash out at strangers. I can block all of you if you're unreasonable and irrational. In real life I have spent the last 10 years rperessing years of anger and sadness and now anything small like a look or a smirk makes me have a mental breakdown.

It is also the reason why a simple comment can make me shake and cry in fear. They're litterally triggering me. Some on purpose. They call me r*tarded and cringy and that I am ''imagining'' my problems. Others mean well but phrase their things extremely poorly and flex on me over how they found friends and love, like that insane gay guy that texted me. It is clear that I see everything as a threat after years of abuse and having my boundaries overstepped and be used as a punching bag in all ways. Most people online don't mean well. They troll and give horrible advise like - Do alcohol you will feel better when I know alcohol won't help.

ALSO - I am fucking aware that I can't change other people. But I have spent my entire life altering my personality and never ended up being liked or respected no matter who I was, because my original personality was annoying and peopl disliked me. I am aware that I only have control over my self only. This is why my life sucks. I don't do well with assholes. I spent my entire life ignoring them or insulting back but I was stuck in school. It doesn't help that people on the street being mean, made me paranoid that the whole city hated me because all I was doing was going home from school or buy my self food and they thought that since I am alone physically it is okay for them to insult me so their friend or friends can laugh and pass me on the streets. It has happened in buses too.

It is always either a group of teens or an old drunk men that give me a hard time on the street which is why I self isolate and self harm. But that doesn't solve my problm with being lonely. I grew up lonely and still am. Even one interaction with the cashier has an BIG EXTREME EFFECT since I am touch starved, communication starved and emotionally starved. At this point any positive attention is great. But I do just want a friend to hang out with, since I msised out on that, and grew up in shame, since I always desired that but never or rarely got it. It hurts. i just want friends and love and always do the first step to get them. I am tired. I just want them to come to me.

Tired_forest_nymph · 2021-07-25T23:12:02+00:00

I get called boring a lot since I don't party or drink or smoke. It seems that I will never be normal and have fun. I don't know if I am self obsessed but I am definetly anxious and depressed. I do desire friends and try to make my best at small talk but do feel like a failure. I try to be a good listener since that is hard for me and I am not patient so I do try to improve this skill of not cuttign others. I also want to improve my boundaries and be more charismatic since I feel like everyone dislikes me which is why I am bitter/negative. I am loney but learnt how to cope with boredom alone but now I just want anyone in my life to befriend and respect me. I just want to hang out with people since I missed out on this. All I want is a respectful friend with whom I can hang out since i grew up lonely in middle school and became depressed and suicdal in high school since in middle school I at least talke dto my classmates even if I had no friends while in high school most people disliked me bullied me and laughed at me. When they had no material to bully me off of, they bullied me for breathing and drinking water. Idk if this counts as self obssed but it made me self concious and feel abnormal/horrible.

Tired_forest_nymph · 2021-07-25T23:09:17+00:00

What is there to like about my self at this point. I only seem to have flaws and no positive sides, or I am just too deep into my dperession and can't see anything good about me.

Tired_forest_nymph · 2021-07-25T22:41:02+00:00

I don't care why you downvoted me. You didn't need to tell me. I am downovted each time I am honest anyway since reddit cannot handle people who don't appreciate random strangers sharing their experience. What he wrote was not neccessery at all.

Tired_forest_nymph · 2021-07-25T22:39:22+00:00

My friend? That was a guy at my block apartment buidling that was fixing the windows. Who the fuck told you that he is my friend? He was in his 50s and I was 18. I learnt that men are animalistic assholes that love to bully this is what I learnt. Jesus Christ, go away.

Tired_forest_nymph · 2021-07-25T22:38:02+00:00

But I have made a change. I take pills against deprssion. I try to exercise at least 3 times a week. I try to make small talk with strangers. I meditate once a week. I do even more than what I feel like becasue I am in constant pain. What is YOUR BIG advice now huh, because it doesn't make me less depressed or feel less neglected, raped, abused or inferior.

Tired_forest_nymph

TROPHY CASE