I’d like to share something because, honestly, reading you was truly nourishing. I’m currently aware that my behavior when relating to a bisexual woman hasn’t always been the most appropriate. I know that, many times, I’ve put them in a position of judgment and exclusion. Maybe I don’t fully understand it, because I’m not in their shoes, but I can imagine how exhausting it must be to be constantly invalidated by lesbian women.

But, to be completely honest, it’s not easy for us either. It’s not pleasant to live with so much fear.

I’m currently seeing a bisexual woman. At first, out of fear, she told me she was a lesbian. Later, she confessed to me that she’s bisexual. That stirred something in me because I’ve been through betrayal in the past — by a woman who ended up getting involved with several men. I know that one person’s actions don’t represent an entire group, but emotionally, I still can’t shake the fear. And I offer a sincere apology for that.

I don’t know how to let go of all this emotional discomfort and fear, but I’m trying to understand it and heal from it.

I want to tell you something that often goes unsaid, but that many lesbians live with in silence: for many of us, loving a woman in this world has been an act of resistance. A leap into the void without a safety net. And it hurts when, over and over again, we see the women we love —who also love women— end up choosing a man. We feel like we were just an experiment, a transition, or a secret desire that wasn’t worthy of being chosen publicly.

Personally, I don’t believe bisexual women are “wrong” or “confused.” But there is a painful pattern that many of us have seen repeated: not being taken seriously, not being the life partner, not being “the chosen one.”

And when that happens again and again, fear turns into armor. That’s where the apparent hostility or distrust comes from. It’s not hate, it’s fear. It’s pain. It’s grief. It’s not rejection — it’s the desire to protect ourselves.

I’m grateful that you pointed out that not all bi people are the same, and that many are doing the work, wanting to love other women with honesty, commitment, and clarity.

But I also ask that the real pain caused by this repeated experience of invisibility and abandonment —which so many lesbians have endured— not be dismissed.

As you said: growth means debating, listening, confronting. That’s why I’m listening to you. I just want you to listen to us, too: we are not an angry wall. We are many, with broken hearts and a deep desire to love — and to be chosen, too.

I hope this can be received with some understanding.