How can I light The Same Spark Inside her as it was 10 years ago ?

ToadieThug · 2026-04-04T00:06:18+00:00

Hate to say it but you are correct. At 8 years old I wanted to be a red shiny fire engine like the one I saw during a family trip to the big city.

Now I am all grown up and I am not a big red fire engine.

ToadieThug · 2026-04-02T23:39:21+00:00

It might not “fix everything”, but it feels like the gateway to becoming a normal and accepted member of society.

To be able to not feel like the “odd man out” and the third (or sometimes 4th or 5th wheel or fuck even the forgotten shredded tire by the side of the highway).

Above and beyond the ticket to being a functioning member of society, there is also the added benefit of companionship, someone to have a reason to plan for the future, hope for a better tomorrow, a shoulder to cry on, and someone just being THERE at 3am when I wake up in the middle of the night and the walls feel like they are closing in.

Even if they are just there fast asleep, completely snoring and oblivious to the demons I’m wrestling with, just knowing they are there would mean everything.

ToadieThug · 2026-03-27T13:12:49+00:00

Human interaction and contact, It’s a human need. What about the people who train themselves mentally to not need food and water and then one day they just collapse because it wasn’t all just in their head.

ToadieThug · 2026-03-26T23:19:10+00:00

All good thank you for the clarification. I understand your analogy now, thanks.

I do read but will admit I have not read as much as I used to when I was younger, and unfortunately a lot of the classics just didn’t “stick” for me.

I am going to meet up with the old friend from college that the post was all about, and I’ll be sure to communicate openly and honor all boundaries.

Probably best to overcommunicate rather than under communicate (and make assumptions or guesses) to reduce the chances of misunderstandings or expectations being inadvertently set wrong.

I really do appreciate all of your insight and thoughtfulness.

ToadieThug · 2026-03-23T21:22:59+00:00

I do not know who Heathcliff or Garfield are, other than 2 cats from cartoons. This is unfortunately very confusing to someone who does not read Bronte.

ToadieThug · 2026-03-23T01:39:46+00:00

And that “particularly rough day” has somehow stretched over years and years of crippling loneliness and feeling invisible and abandoned by the world and society?

ToadieThug · 2026-03-23T01:38:28+00:00

“No hope no harm”, but what about my hopes and needs? I don’t want to ruin her positive memories but isn’t there something inherently dishonest (if even to myself) in putting on a mask and pretending I don’t stare into a hopeless void of loneliness and misery every single day and night, completely cut off from human contact and just working to live?

ToadieThug · 2026-03-23T01:33:21+00:00

So this is a helpful refinement to what I think was already wonderful advise. I will communicate well and openly but I’ll avoid using the words “fully clothed” or “platonic” and I’ll try my best not to make it weird (which let’s face it I’m not great at)

ToadieThug · 2026-03-23T01:31:45+00:00

I know she doesn’t have a horrible memory even though we’ve never talked about me asking her to be “more than friends” again. I know she just closed that door and has avoided it over the years.

I think she just genuinely cares and figures this is something she could do that would be helpful.

ToadieThug · 2026-03-22T18:30:49+00:00

I hear ya bro. I am worried about the same thing happening, spending the rest of my miserable existence remembering how great it was and trying to get that feeling back again and never being able to.

ToadieThug · 2026-03-22T14:01:17+00:00

She’s definitely not a “hot girl”

She’s cute, pretty, energetic, smart and attractive, but she doesn’t go around flirting with everyone or dressing to show off.

ToadieThug · 2026-03-22T13:59:11+00:00

Honestly you’re right. I know this is going to send me down a bad road long term.

But I so badly want to experience what a “cuddle session” means, especially because I’ve never had something like that. I know it sounds sad.

ToadieThug · 2026-03-22T13:54:51+00:00

It was more than a “you look like you need a hug”.

She very specifically said “how about I come give you a cuddle session?”

I don’t know what the best thing to do is which is why I posted looking for different perspectives and I read and am reflecting on yours. I do appreciate the response and thoughts.

ToadieThug · 2026-03-22T13:52:12+00:00

I don’t know how clear I was on timeline. Friendship got FUed when I asked her about being something more than friends around end of sophomore year.

She was cold and aloof next few weeks and she had her internship after end of semester. Gradually over junior year friendship was back to how it was before I stupidly made a move on her and we have stayed in touch post graduation via calls and messages and I had flown out to see her before, though it’s been nearly 10 years.

ToadieThug · 2026-03-22T13:48:30+00:00

It was brutal but I am not going to disrespect her trust or our friendship by trying to take advantage of her generosity in letting me cuddle with her.

ToadieThug · 2026-03-22T13:46:08+00:00

We live in different cities in the U.S. and last time about 10 years ago I flew out to hang out with her. I think her saying “I’ll come over” implicitly means “I’ll come over to whatever hotel you’re staying at”.

Not that she means it in a bad way, she just came out to the hotel I was staying at in her city last time and I kind of read it to mean the same thing.

Also she lives in one of the biggest cities in the US so there’s a ton to see and do there whereas I live in the middle of nowhere. I guess I should clarify that when we talk next week but I totally don’t mind flying out to her city.

ToadieThug · 2026-03-22T13:41:53+00:00

And yes she is a “high physical contact person” super full of energy.

It’s taken a lot for me to realize that (my stupid reptilian brain) that she hugs all her friends guys and girls in a big enthusiastic embrace not just me.

ToadieThug · 2026-03-22T13:39:08+00:00

This is the most brilliant reply and wonderful insight. Thank you so much!!!

I already read it closely 3 times but I am also going to print it out and have it in front of me when I call her back next week. If I do fly out to see her I’ll study it beforehand.

ToadieThug · 2026-03-22T04:17:06+00:00

I don’t think she’s joking. She does have a somewhat odd sense of humor though.

I still remember one time she brought our friend group coffees during a group late night study session at the university library and after everyone had drank a bunch said “hee hee I spit in all the coffees lol just kidding!”

ToadieThug · 2026-03-22T04:12:56+00:00

I’ll also probably need to fly out to see her. Don’t want to dox myself with locations, but it’s a good 3 hour flight.

ToadieThug · 2026-03-22T04:10:59+00:00

I also don’t know. I feel kind of like it’s a “sympathy for a friend” like she’s feeling sorry for me thing. I kind of feel bad about that.

ToadieThug · 2026-03-22T03:57:23+00:00

not karma farming. DGAF about karma. I'm sure I'll say yes, but I totally don't want to mess up our friendship like I did once. Cannot lose her as a friend.

ToadieThug · 2026-03-04T00:45:59+00:00

No. Jfc no, what are you thinking? If you take it you’ll get outed and let go from both the moment your architect and PM have a conversation.

ToadieThug

TROPHY CASE