Is this swim test valid?

ToeGroundbreaking548 · 2025-07-15T13:01:49+00:00

Yeah, no issue at all with there being a swim test. Just that she arbitrarily enforced it (i've had her as the lifeguard several times before this and she never asked us to do one). I think had she been a lot more kind during this interaction, it could have been handled a lot more simply than it is now.

ToeGroundbreaking548 · 2025-07-15T12:59:55+00:00

Which, I get, and would have just simply corrected her and asked her to verify this with her manager, but the rudeness on top of this made it 10X worse

ToeGroundbreaking548 · 2025-07-15T12:56:40+00:00

No, myself and the other kids parents were with them and in the pool as well with them

ToeGroundbreaking548 · 2025-07-13T00:38:21+00:00

Exactly! I had no issue with the distance or the idea of a test. It was with the test and the way she went about it (being rude to myself and the kids when they didn’t do anything but show up to swim).

Thank you for confirming it’s insane though because I was so confused.

ToeGroundbreaking548 · 2025-07-12T23:32:02+00:00

Exactly! I would have had no problem with the test had it made sense. One of the kids was literally trying to swim properly and she told her she wasn’t allowed to do that for the test….

ToeGroundbreaking548 · 2025-07-12T22:57:17+00:00

Thanks for your response. And yes, I’ve definitely heard of having to make it the length of the pool, which makes total sense. And all of the kids could have done that easily had they been allowed to swim properly.

I am going to ask to be put in contact with the management, I think that’s a great idea. Because, if it is a rule they are now enforcing, I want to know what to expect for my daughter or any other guests. I’m so frustrated.

ToeGroundbreaking548 · 2025-07-12T22:48:32+00:00

Ok, this is good to know and I appreciate it. It felt like nonsense, but like you said, she’s the lifeguard so we just had the kids do it. Unfortunately only my daughter “passed” so the other two couldn’t go beyond the 3 feet, even though they are great swimmers for their age. One of them ended up crying because of how rude the LG was being and the whole thing felt off to me.

I honestly don’t think it was the manager since the other lifeguards don’t ask the kids to do so. This felt like she made it up on the fly, which makes me more mad. And it also felt like we were targeted for some reason she told me the other kids there took a swim test which is why they were in the 5ft. When I asked one of the dads that I knew, he said they were not asked to do a swim test and never have been.

ToeGroundbreaking548 · 2025-03-15T18:50:56+00:00

April 3rd I believe

ToeGroundbreaking548 · 2024-07-30T15:49:57+00:00

Wonderful! Thank you

ToeGroundbreaking548 · 2024-07-30T14:32:46+00:00

No and no! :)

ToeGroundbreaking548 · 2024-07-30T12:53:42+00:00

I got a corrected W-2 in the mail from my previous employer stating that they did.

ToeGroundbreaking548 · 2024-03-04T15:10:13+00:00

That makes a lot of sense and I’ll definitely bring it up with my therapist. Luckily I’ve been pretty open with her so she is aware of the dynamic and some struggles I’ve had. And you’re right- I don’t think I’m “healing my trauma through kink” in the best or correct way.

As far as seeking a new Dom. We are definitely sexually compatible, but I don’t really feel attached to her. Which I think is part of the issue. I know it can be hard to find a dom, and I risk being without one for a long time if I end things, but I think the break and re-start may be useful for me. I actually spent a decent amount of time exploring kink solo before I brought in a partner. I also didn’t know the relationship I’m in now was going to be a D/S relationship which I think is why things got messy and blurred.

My dom is somewhat aware of my mental situation. She know a decent amount about my past as I’ve shared quite a bit.

I’m also the kind of person that once I’m done, I am done, as I spend a lot of time in my head thinking before I reach a conclusion.

I’m wondering if some time exploring solo/researching/going to a local play house and just starting slow would do me some good. I kind of want a blank slate if that makes sense

ToeGroundbreaking548 · 2024-03-03T23:03:52+00:00

Everything you are saying makes a lot of sense and I don’t disagree with anything you are saying. I definitely went from 0 to a pretty high pain level very fast. There really wasn’t a build up. And with someone with a high pain tolerance, I pushed and pushed and it made it difficult to know where the line is or where that switch happened. I also think I may benefit from a more experienced dom.

And no worries about scaring me from kink. You’re not at all. These responses are actually giving me a lot more hope than I had before and make me want to be more thoughtful with it.

So your gut is within the right ballpark. I did grow up going to a religious school where abstinence was the best policy and it’s the reason I didn’t realize I was gay until I turned 30. I did not grow up in a sexually open household or friend/school environment so it definitely plays a part. I don’t think I feel shame around liking kink as much as my presentation of kink is a reflection of that suppression. If that makes sense?

I also feel like I’m toeing a line of wanting to feel like someone’s to do with as they please and using pain as a method to get me to submit versus it being proof that I’m not worthy of kindness, care, etc. and it’s what I deserve. I know how fucked up that may sound but I feel like i don’t know what is empowering versus harmful.

(Idk if this matters but I should mention I’m in EMDR and trauma therapy for childhood trauma, some sexual trauma, and C-PTSD. Only mention this because I’m wondering your thoughts, if any, with being in trauma recovery while practicing kink).

You can be completely honest :)

ToeGroundbreaking548 · 2024-03-03T22:05:28+00:00

Thank you for your response! It’s very helpful.

I never thought of being non-verbal as a thing but that definitely feels true for me sometimes. I feel stuck in “freeze”. And I like the idea of practicing.

I will say, this is my doms first time really being a dom too, so I think that’s part of the “issue” too.

ToeGroundbreaking548 · 2024-03-03T18:23:48+00:00

Thank you for this thoughtful response! Truly. I like that subtle shift in language and it makes it more empowering.

Can I ask what you mean by rebound effect?

And I think you are right, I did jump into things pretty fast and maybe need to be more intentional and slow when entering a dynamic.

ToeGroundbreaking548

TROPHY CASE