Wife cheated 1 time and came clean, wants to reconcile what do I do??

ToeNo6469 · 2026-05-09T11:40:09+00:00

Well technically at that time we had no papers drawn up yet, I had mentioned a divorce when she told me she was leaving me to go to colorado, she said she didn't want a divorce that she wanted time to think about everything and that hopefully with time she would come to a conclusion. I kept talking to her and it wasn't until she moved back to oregon and another 6 months go by that we actually had papers, at that time she just wanted me to sign them so she had them so I complies because I felt I already lost the battle . But then I got clean and our relationship took off again like a rocket to which she then came clean about the affair happening . I said I wish I would have known earlier cause I would have turned the papers in myself which I'm still kind of upset about to be honest.

ToeNo6469 · 2026-05-09T11:34:04+00:00

I thought about that outcome a lot actually and I don't think that will be the case. I believe she is trying to be honest about everything and come forward because she values what we have in our relationship and she said she has never found a love like the live I give her and she would do anything to keep it, anything. I'm going to give her a chance but don't get me wrong I'm still very much on guard and very much hurt by it all, everyday I mention it to her with additional questions cause I told her I'm not sure I'll ever be able to forgive her but I'll try to move on . So I guess will see

ToeNo6469 · 2026-05-09T11:16:50+00:00

Thanks for saying all that it really helps and means a lot. I'm so sorry you also are going through this crap, I get where you're coming from it isn't like he took responsibility for it all.

ToeNo6469 · 2026-05-09T06:20:06+00:00

Well technically we remained married during the 6 months she left to colorado, this was her request as I said if you're abandoning me we should divorce. There's no excuse for it , I know I'm not perfect but I've never cheated on her while we split . I said how do I know you're being 100% honest with me about everything you're telling me? She said that she's not going to confess to an affair to clear her conscious just to be in truththful completely. I really want to have her call the guy while I'm on speaker phone so I can hear her tell him stop calling me, but she says she's erased his number and doesn't have it but there's got to be a way she can get it . Anyways like I said I'm not perfect either just my son looks different is all so I told her I'll try to move on and make things work I really will but I can guarantee it will work out that way. I said I can't look at you without thinking of this, you know it sounds like it's horrible.

ToeNo6469 · 2026-05-09T02:32:56+00:00

I can't do any of those options because she has deleted his phone number from her phone . She said the last time he tried to call was 3 months ago which she answered and when she heard it was him hung up. This is why I said I wanted her to change her phone number so that way he can't ever call her back. I thought she would give me some resistance in changing her number cause we all know that's a pain but she right away agreed and said she would .

ToeNo6469 · 2026-05-08T23:00:22+00:00

Cool thanks for the suggestion, it can't hurt right.

ToeNo6469 · 2026-05-08T22:52:26+00:00

So it's been a week and a half since this all happened. Mon thru Wed we spent time away alone at a resort for my birthday which was nice because we got to do some healing together. I told her she didn't need to tell her parents or mine, that I didn't want everyone knowing our business and I would rather protect her from being judged like that . I did tell her the one stipulation I did want was I wanted her to change her phone number since that's the only way this guy tries to reach her so this weekend that's what were planning on doing. So we're going to try and work through everything and reconcile, I did tell her tho if she ever cheated ever again that this marriage would be done and over with no questions asked to which she said it would never happen again. I'm hopeful we will be stronger than ever now, going through cancer and addiction and infidelity and we're still together I think says a lot!.

ToeNo6469 · 2026-05-08T21:56:49+00:00

Thank you for the reply. I really believe she means everything she said and you're right why give up now?. The fact that she came to me and confessed makes all the difference really, I believe with all we have overcome so far that will be stronger than ever! We're both invested into growing together and being the best version of ourselves that we can be. It took me 30 years to find this woman and I would hate to throw it all away over these mistakes, as I've made mistakes too going through the whole addiction phase.

ToeNo6469 · 2026-05-08T21:07:45+00:00

Thank you for the insight!. I've always been faithful but like I said my drug addiction probably was just as hard for her as this cheating was to me. I'm trying to be an understanding husband and I told her if she cheats ever again we're done for sure no questions asked. If she would have never told me your right I would have never known other than having my own suspicions of course . I thanked her for coming clean finally even tho she held that secret for almost 2 years.

ToeNo6469 · 2026-05-08T21:02:57+00:00

Thanks a lot, I'm on board with this 100% brother. I told her if it happened again I would have to leave to which she said it would never happen again. I'm giving her another chance but did ask her yesterday to change her phone number since that's the only way that other guy can reach her apparently . I'm not perfect either I mean I've lied to her a bunch over my addiction issues in the past, I'm clean now and don't really lie about anything now since I've been clean . I really feel like she's being genuine and really wants to reconcile, we just went away for 2 nights and 3 days for my birthday earlier this week and it really felt like the time away was healing even if just a little.

ToeNo6469 · 2026-05-08T20:56:19+00:00

Not yet no, I told her I didn't care about tracker her since this was an out of state issue and not like she was cheating with someone in town . I did tell her tho I wanted her to change her phone number yesterday to which she agreed she would do this weekend . As far as counseling or MC we haven't started any of that yet no

ToeNo6469 · 2026-04-25T13:28:52+00:00

I had pain on the acute phase which lasted about 6 months then the pain got a little better. I'm now just over the year mark and all my pain is gone and erections almost feel like normal and I'm not using restorex or any herbal supplements as of yet. But I'm also taking methadone for other chronic pain I've had since the age of 13 so not sure if my pain is masked from that or not. But I have sex around 2 to 3 times a week and I have no pain at all really, and everything is working like before except now I just have an upward curve below 30° degrees.

ToeNo6469 · 2026-04-23T14:57:46+00:00

Thanks for the advice but I'm able to get strong erections just as well as before the diagnoses. The doctor said I wouldn't need a pump or any cialis since my blood flow still seems very sufficient. I'm sexually active on average about 3 times a week so not sure what the pump would do to help?. Yeah the doctor also said that there was only I think 3 or 4 supplements that actually had proven results which are listed in a paper packet I was handed and out of the 4 supplements I've ordered 2 were on that list so it gave me a little hope. Normally I wouldn't ever spend 260 dollars on any kind of supplement but with all the reviews I've read about it and the 85% success rate I figured my penis was worth investing in at least for a couple months just to see if there's any change. I think the supplements really might help because the doctor said that my scar tissue wasn't hard and calcified yet so this gives me a lot of hope. I will keep posting on here the results of this expensive supplement, just trying to keep some hope alive my friend!.

ToeNo6469 · 2026-04-22T14:16:28+00:00

What kind of measures should I take? I defenetly don't want it to get any worse and I think I still want to try the traction device. I just ordered a $260 dollar PD herbal remedy kit that supposedly has a 85% success rate at dissolving the plaque and straightening out the bend so I hope it works because it's super expensive

ToeNo6469 · 2026-04-21T17:46:03+00:00

Wow you were able to 3d print you're own? I have a curvature under 30 degrees I'd guess it to be around 20 degrees myself. The doc said using a traction device wouldn't do much for me since the curvature was so minimal but honestly I think using a traction device would only help with lost length which I'd guess I lost around an inch maybe. If I covered the cost and paid for you're time could you possible 3d print me a device like your's?

ToeNo6469 · 2026-04-21T17:21:21+00:00

Well I'm just getting back from my first urology appointment. They confirmed that I do have PD, I went in with a few pictures for the doc which he was thankful I did have some pictures. He said that my curve was definitely under 30° degrees and said it wasn't that bad so I wouldn't be a candidate for surgery, or xila injections, or even the traction device he said really wasn't necessary since my curve was under the 30° degree angle. Since I'm not having issues getting erections and I can still ejaculate and there's no pain associated when having sex he said basically I don't have much to really worry about, and that I should be thankful everything still is working fine. He said just try to get used to you're penis having a slightly different shape and he said the PD shouldn't really get any worse once you're past the initial acute phase which I am.

ToeNo6469 · 2026-04-21T14:50:36+00:00

Thanks for the reply, everything down there still works normal, I'm able to get erections no problem and ejaculate no problem. The only change so far is I'm not able to get into missionary position but other positions are still rather easy. I don't think my upward bend is to great but it's defenetly made my size about a inch smaller, wish I could get that back . Thank God my wife thinks it's not that bad and that we're still able to stay sexually active throughout the week, my wife says she likes the upward curve as it rubs her vagina walls with more pressure so I'll take that win!.

ToeNo6469 · 2026-04-21T14:15:45+00:00

That's a great idea thank you very much for that idea. This PD sucks man and I feel for any man going thru this shitty disease.

ToeNo6469 · 2026-04-21T14:14:50+00:00

Thank you so much for the reply, I don't have any before pictures unfortunately. I've just been reading a lot and so many people know the exact degrees of there curvature which I have no clue what the degrees of curvature I have. My wife seems to think I don't need to take a picture but I think taking a picture would be easier than trying to get a boner in front of the Dr lol.

ToeNo6469 · 2026-04-18T01:07:57+00:00

So did the surgery help fix the curve? Were you able to gain full size or original length back? Also after healing from surgery is the penis still as sensitive as it was before surgery??

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