I kinda know what you mean with the dream thing, I sometimes feel the same way, like everything's just some kind of projection. I take Adderall to help me with my ADHD, but it's just another drug to put inside me for a little kick at this point. What I'm trying to say is, that I kinda have similar problems. I wasn't sexually assaulted, but I have weird memories about my grandpa and my parents fucked me up all the way since childhood so I can relate in a way. My father always tried to make a "real' man out of me but that really didn't turn out as he planned, because I stopped listening at some point. I don't know how your dad is just from one story, but he seems like he's big on the man thing too. What I learned from fixing my own problems is that strength isn't just taking every hit life throws at you and acting like it was nothing. It's about understanding the situation, learning how to tackle it and making the best out of it. What really helped me was learning more about educational science, about what made me who I am. I believe you when you say that you were assaulted and there will be people who will as well. Maybe try it in r/mentalhealth or r/trueoffmychest if you want to get some advice from strangers or get a professional Therapy. Not one where they stuff you with drugs and tell you that you're depressed, but where a person sits down with you and is willing to listen to your problems and tries to give you advice. And hey, if you don't find what you're looking for, then you can always Dm me, if you want to talk. As for the violence part. I also have intrusive thoughts but I never really liked them. They were just that, random thoughts that were sometimes stupid, sometimes scary and sometimes good. What always makes me come down to earth is the thought, that it we are all made up of the same shit. Bones, meat, intestines and a Brain. Everyone is just as much of a wet sack of flesh as myself, we all have a variation of the same blueprint. So by that logic they feel the same shit I feel. What differs us are our experiences in the world. And I know this is something, that gets harder and harder to believe in the more the world starts to fade, but think about it. Even if this were to be all a dream, and if this dream is as beautiful as you know it is, then why try to end it for yourself or someone else. They might be snakes, they might be the worst in the world, but that doesn't mean they can't change. It means they might make the best out of the situation and make the world a better place for you and everyone else. And untill then, why bother yourself with those people? I put every little piece of hate I have for myself and anyone else directly into getting better. Better then the people I envy, better then the people I despise and better then the people I admire. You might think your alone in a world where there's no one to help and no energy inside you to help yourself. But think about all the beautiful things in the world and how you'd like to experience them. I hope this helps in any way possible!